When your partner cheats on you it’s hard to imagine ever having a loving and trusting relationship again. It doesn’t matter if your relationship was good or bad, when your spouse has had an affair it’s like being stabbed in the back and dying slowly. For many spouses one of the difficult decisions to be made is do I stay or go.
There are four questions that I would recommend you explore when your spouse has an affair and they are outline below.
When Your Spouse Cheats On You
Why Did Your Spouse Cheat On You?
The above question, although simple on the surface, is very complicated to answer. You can probe your spouse and dig through his or her answers but it may take a while to figure it all out. Please keep in mind that although your spouse is guilty of cheating, he or she might have a hard time articulating why? Nonetheless you must get to the bottom of the matter.
A good place to start healing your marriage is by letting your cheating spouse feel comfortable talking about the affair. Be careful not to let your emotions get away from you. If you are not mindful of your emotions, what might end up happening is that you might lose it from time to time and push your spouse away.
I understand how angry you are because of your spouse’s cheating. You must channel that anger to drive your healing and restoration instead of fueling your discourse and perhaps the divorce.
What Are Your Spouse’s Intentions?
Your spouse may or may not want to reconcile your marriage. It’s a painful thought to think about but it’s a question that has to be answered. Does your spouse want a divorce so he or she can continue with the affair? Does your spouse think that he or she can continue seeing the other person while you work thinks out?
When dealing with infidelity, you need to understand where your cheating spouse’s heart is so you can know what uphill battle you are facing in healing your marriage.
What Is Your Cheating Spouse Willing To Do Now?
What I have found is that many cheating spouses are remorseful and regret the fact that they have had an affair. Then there are some spouses who only regret getting caught. Either way, most spouses will promise to do whatever it takes to make things right. However, a lot of empty promises are made and often times they are broken pretty quickly.
Take some time and figure out what you need for your spouse to do to help you be able to forgive and move forward. Then start to communicate those things to your spouse and see if they can be honored. If they can’t then you have an indication of how things will go.
Is This The Only Time Your Spouse Cheated?
Please understand that cheating on your spouse once is one to many times. As you begin to explore your spouse’s adulterous behavior it might be helpful to know how far back you need to examine with regards to understanding how and why cheating occurred. This will help you in your recovery and healing process.
You also need to know that your spouse can level with you now and get all the secrets out at once. You don’t need to find out 8 months down the road that this is the third affair. It will break your heart all over again. This is too painful to relive over and over again.
I hope you understand that your marriage can survive infidelity. You probably don’t believe me but trust me when I tell you that you can get through this if you are willing to put up with the pain and anguish you feel right now and if your cheating spouse is willing to change.
If both of you take the right steps and are willing to put in the hard work it takes to recover from an affair, you will succeed at restoring your marriage.
Please hang in there and try to work things through. If you need more help dealing with infidelity, please read more here; dealing with infidelity.