Your relationship is built on lies and it’s also held together by lies. Let’s be honest with each other since we are complete strangers. You have lied to your spouse many times and your spouse has done so as well.
I can list 10 things off the top of my head that you or your spouse has lied about. These are general but I’m sure they apply to your relationship. Here they are;
- You are happy to see each other (sometimes you really aren’t that thrilled)
- You would marry each other again if you had to do it all over (sure you would)
- There is no one else you could imagine being married to (no comment)
- Your spouse looks better now than when you first met (look in the mirror)
- The meal that was tasteless was described as fine cuisine
- The response to the question “how do I look” is answered with a smile and a lie
- I have to work late is the excuse for stopping off after work
- I have a headache or I don’t feel well is the excuse for not wanting to be intimate
- I just got your text message is the reason given for ignoring message sent hours before
- I love you is sent in a text as the closing line when “you get on my nerve” is what is really felt
So, the truth is that lies are apart of every marriage. You can pretend that your marriage is void of lies but I would be willing to bet against that lie.
There are also times when a lie is not what is said but what is left out. Some people refer to this as half truths. If you ask me there really isn’t a big difference. If your spouse went out to lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex and said a bunch of folks were at the lunch that could be true. However, if he was at a table for two and the rest of the folks at the restaurant were strangers, was he really there with a bunch of folks?
You spouse could have had an innocent business lunch. But to feel less guilty and to avoid answering your questions, a half truth works out better. You feel less anxiety and anger and your spouse feels grateful to have dodged a bullet.
Sometimes it’s better for both people if the truth is never revealed. As long as it’s in the past and has no impact on the future, leave it in the past.
A few years ago my wife asked me a very innocent question and it was this;
Have you ever had feelings for someone else since we have been married?
I gave an honest answer and said yes, it was many years ago and I had a crush on someone in the office I worked at. I never spoke to the person or acted on my feelings so I thought I was in the clear. Needless to say it didn’t go over well. My wife was shocked, confused and upset.
That was one of those moments where lying would have been better for her and for me as well.
We had and continue to have a healthy marriage so it, like many other things, was just bumps on the road of matrimony.
The truth about telling the truth is that you have to try to be forthcoming and transparent with each other. You also have to know when not telling the truth is the better option.
Don’t let lying be the norm in your relationship. Use it with extreme care and caution. If you are not careful it can permanently damage your relationship.
Make your marriage stronger and healthier by getting closer to each other and being more open and intimate. The closer you get to each other the less need you will have to lie to each other.