First let me say that I’m sorry that your marriage struggles are leading you to consider separating to fix your marriage. If you are at this crossroad you most likely have endured some very frustrating, painful months or years in your marriage. Marriage under these circumstances is difficult to say the least. Separating is definitely an option. However, there is a lot for you to consider, including whether or not it will help you fix your marriage or speed up the end of your marriage.
When Is Separation Right?
Before I proceed, I must make a confession. I dislike separation and I hate divorce, unless it’s extremely necessary. So although I will objectively talk about separation, my hearts desire is that you find a way to fix your marriage.
There are some relationships where separation is necessary and helpful. It is hard to ask anyone to stay together when there is abuse of any kind going on. Whether it’s physical or mental abuse taking place it’s hard to live that way.
What I have experienced is that separation is only helpful to the marriage if the abuser gets help. Unfortunately there are many instances when couples separate and after a short period of time get back together. However, if the abusers heart hasn’t changed then the abuse will resume.
One of the questions you need to ask yourself before separating is why and what? Why are you separating and what do you expect to happen during the separation? If you can’t answer those to questions then you have no reason to get back together. If you don’t have expectations then you will never meet them.
The other thing you need to consider regarding separating is how you will work on your relationship when you are apart. You must have some plans to restore and rebuild your marriage. If separation is your only plan to keep your marriage together, I fear that you are deceiving yourself. It will take more than separation to fix your marriage.
Please understand that although your marriage might be at a critical crossroad at this point you can turn things around. Don’t let your emotions or negative experiences of the past, dictate your future. You can have the marriage you want, need and expect to have. You have the power within you to get the marriage that you desire.
Only separate if you have to and avoid divorce unless it’s a must. If you need more help or guidance on how to forgive, restore and have a victorious marriage, see here; Saving Your Marriage Today.