Have you lost that loving feeling and have a desire and need for reconnecting with spouse who seems like a friend rather than a lover or soul-mate? I’m sure if your marriage is like most it’s not that you don’t care about each other you just have become like middle aged roommates instead of partners for life.
Reconnecting with your spouse is vitally important if you want to spend the rest of your life together. Soul-mates have a certain bond or chemistry that is hard to break. Roommates have an easy time separating when their annoying habits become to overwhelming or they find someone better to room with. Why not work on recommitting to your marriage and partnership, and live those words spoken by millions of couples, “to death do us part”?
Why Reconnecting With Spouse Becomes Necessary
There is no rhyme or reason why each couple begins to drift apart over the years. For a lot of spouses it’s simply a matter of letting the years of working and raising kids prevent them from spending time together and growing closer. I suspect that for some spouses work and children became a convenient excuse to avoid working on their marriage and thus many years have passed since any work has been done.
To make a pretty lame but helpful comparison take for a moment a car that has been driven for 10 to 20 years but never taken in for a tune-up or oil change or routine maintenance. The car could look perfectly find on the outside but on the inside of the engine, the tires and other key components needed to keep the car on the road could all be ready to give out. One day the car just stops working. It’s pretty much the same with reconnecting with a spouse. If you don’t do a little preventive maintenance along the way one day you wake up and realize that your marriage isn’t working. Unfortunately for many couples they decide to trade in their marriage for a new partner or lifestyle e.g., divorce.
Where To Start Reconnecting With Spouse
I would probably guess that you don’t communicate effectively so I would suggest that you start there. Have you found out that one of you is better communicating than the other? Perhaps you have a lot to say and your spouse barely can strike up a conversation. Maybe you never talk about anything of substance or the future?
These are all problems couples who have been disconnected experience. The problem with ineffective communicating is that you probably never resolve any of your problems so they just get put on the shelf and continue to push you apart.
One of the ways to improve your communicating is to have a heart to heart and discuss the matter in a non-confrontational matter. I would suggest that you start reconnecting with your spouse over a quite dinner where you will talk about your marriage and where you are heading in the future. The ground rules should be as follows;
- No judging
- No interrupting
- No rude comments or facial expressions
- Listening and paying attention is required (no ipads, iphones, blackberry’s etc.)
- Talking about past failures or placing blame on each other is not allowed
The best way of reconnecting with your spouse is spending time together and learning how to communicate effectively. The key is to get to an understanding of where you are now, where you are headed and make some changes now so you end up spending the rest of your lives together.
You don’t want to be married just for the sake of staying married. You want reconnecting with spouse to be meaningful and real so that you enjoy spending time together. Marriage does take effort and work but it should be the best job you ever had.
You can and should making reconnecting with your spouse a reality and not just a wish or dream.