If you find yourself struggling and in need of marriage self help, please don’t despair. There is still hope for your marriage and although it would be nice if you both could go to counseling you can help your marriage in many practical ways.
I know you are hurting and probably a little scared. You probably have recently reached the conclusion that you are no longer in love or perhaps that your spouse no longer loves you. Well, believe it or not it is very normal for spouses to fall in and out of love a number of times during their married life. I know it doesn’t feel normal when you are going through it but trust me, it is normal.
I hope you haven’t been to frustrated if you have been trying to get into a marriage class or see a counselor, but your spouse is unwilling to go. Can I tell you that not every couple is ready for marriage counseling! In fact, a friend of our family happened to attend marriage counseling many years ago and he reached the conclusion that the counseling session confirmed his belief that divorce was the only option.
Now, please don’t think that I’m against marriage counseling. However, I do think that it’s helpful when both spouses are interested in saving the marriage and not doing it for selfish reasons.
The good news is that even if you are in the down cycle in your marriage and have very little left to give, you can still pull it together and restore your marriage. If you are still married then there is still time to rescue your marriage and head off the divorce.
Statistics show that 86% of couples who stick it out and work on their marriage are much happier down the road and enjoy the fruits of their labor. What you end up with is a marital situation where both spouses are more attentive to the others needs (emotional and physical).
So where do you start?
Well, marriage self help really begins simply by setting aside your differences and making some time to reconnect and work on your marriage. What happens very often is that because of years of little problems going unresolved, there is a lack of trust, respect and appreciation for each other. You don’t erase all of the bad feelings and karma overnight but day by day, week by week and month by month you can reverse the marital discourse.
What I always suggest is that you start with being reverent towards each other, which to me means you, “regard or treat each other with deep respect”.
If you and your spouse don’t feel in love at the moment at the very least you should be able to respect each other and this includes;
- Being considerate and mindful of things you say to each other that are hurtful and disrespectful.
- Treating each other as family and not as an enemy.
- Not allowing negative comments about each other to be made to anyone other than each other (no bad mouthing each other to friends or family).
The second thing that I would suggest, to get marriage self help underway, is to force your selves to spend time together. You can’t begin to reconnect unless you connect. How can you rekindle, reignite or restore your love for each other if you don’t spend time together.
You don’t have to make a big production out of it or put unrealistic expectations on yourselves. Just get in the habit of asking things like, “Can I help you with this” or “Do you mind if I come along” or “Would you mind going with me”? YOU MUST INVITE EACH OTHER TO PARTAKE IN THE MARRIAGE, FOR MARRIAGE SELF HELP TO WORK!
Take advantage of opportunities that you have to spend time together. Please don’t view it as time you get to enjoy apart from your spouse. The more you get used to doing things without your spouse, the higher the wall is being built between you. Why not start tearing down the walls instead of continuing to build them.
Marriage self help doesn’t have to be overly complicated or intense. Please don’t give up and start somewhere. The worse thing that you can do is do nothing and let your marriage continue to crumble. You can save it and you can start today. I hope that you believe in marriage self help because it works.