Have you ever been in a situation where someone you know has been struggling in their relationship as a result of cheating and needs marriage help? Well if you haven’t you will probably know someone who has either cheated or been cheated on. So what do you do when the affair has been made public? Do you say something or pretend as if you know nothing about it?
There really isn’t a one size fits all answer when it comes to dealing with someone else’s infidelity. One of the best suggestions I could make is that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes. This allows you to think about life from their perspective and it can help you be a resource and not a stumbling block in their healing process.
For example, if someone knew that your spouse cheated on you would you prefer that they acted like they didn’t or give you a hug and let you know that they are there for you? I personally would like the person to acknowledge that they know so that we could have an honest relationship moving forward. If the person knows about the affair and yet pretends as if he or she doesn’t well I would have to re-evaluate our relationship.
Another thing to be careful of is not letting the cat out of the bag about someone else’s infidelity. The last thing the couple needs from you is gossiping. Don’t be deceived by thinking that you are protecting the person or couple by letting others know about the affair. Saying stuff like “It’s a shame what so and so are dealing with” or “we should do x, y and z to cheer up him or her considering what they have been dealing with. This is not providing marriage help. You wouldn’t want others talking about your marriage or relationship problems. Make sure you don’t do it to others.
I know very often it is difficult not to judge others who have fallen into adultery and also hard to hold back your criticism. If your friend or relative is trying to reconcile their relationship after dealing with infidelity, that last thing they need is for outsiders taking sides and complicating matters. Try to stay out of it and let the interested parties work their issues out. If you are called upon to be a sounding board or to help in marriage rebuilding, try to be fair and balanced. Remember, if you aren’t helping the couple or person find a solution to their problem then perhaps you should stay on the sidelines.
Finally, one of the best things you can do for someone dealing with infidelity is give them the tools, guidance and support they need to heal their broken hearts and troubled relationship. One of the things I recommend to couples is that they take a little time and learn how to handle the emotional roller coaster that infidelity can put you on. A good resource I like to recommend is callled Affair Repair. You can read more about it here. Purchasing this for the wounded friend or relative could be the best thing you have every done for them. You can read more about the program here at Affair Repair.