Doesn’t it seem at times as if your in-laws wish you had never married into the family? Very often it’s not in your face kind of behavior but it’s the subtle things they say or in some instances, don’t say. It gets frustrating and if things don’t change, it can put a wedge between you and your spouse.
There are many reasons, some valid and others not valid why family members don’t welcome with open arms a relatives spouse.
Despite what faith they have in the family member, many times they believe that it wasn’t a match made in heaven. In other words, they think the marriage was wrong, they can’t see how it will last and thus do the bare minimum to support it. In some weird cases, they do things that can break up a marriage.
Now, if you are on the receiving end of the cold shoulder, rudeness and disrespecting you can easily get frustrated and angry. What you need is to take a step back and realize just a couple of things regarding your relationship with your spouse and his or her family.
One of the things that you need to ensure is that your spouse is not the source of the problem.
We all have marriage struggles and there often-times is a need to share those frustrations with others. However, it is extremely dangerous and wrong for a spouse to vent such frustrations with family members. For one, it’s wrong to bad mouth your spouse to others and it also gives only one side of the story.
I always say if you are going to complain to others about your spouse or marriage, why not do it together? At least, the truth might have a shot at being expressed.
If you believe that your spouse is venting about your marriage to in-laws, it’s something that you need to confront him or her about and put an end to it. There is nothing good that comes out of venting to others who can’t do anything about the marital problems. It’s one thing to be seeking guidance on how to resolve marital differences. It’s unacceptable to be spouse bashing to family and friends.
Your spouse must understand that you expect to be treated respectfully when it comes to the in-laws and the only way that can happen is with his or her support. Speaking behind your back violates your trust and marital bond.
Half the battle when it comes to in-laws is getting your spouse on your side. If you can do that then you have won half the battle.
The other half of the battle is you. You see, you can’t control what others do but you can control what they see in you.
It would be great if they all loved you but that may never happen. What they all should do though is respect you.
The way to gain their respect is to be the best spouse, and parent if you have kids that you can be. If they see that you are devoted and making the best for your family they may never love you but they certainly should respect you.
Also, don’t stress out just because they don’t seem to approve of the marriage. That is their problem and one that they will need to deal with.
You just worry about respecting your spouses’ family and don’t let their childish or selfish behavior get under your skin.
The key to this all I would say is that you should work on strengthening your marriage and immediate family relationships. You will be joyful and at peace.