Sitting alone in a dark and quite room trying to make sense of your husband’s affair is painstaking to say the least. Why has he destroyed our marriage and my life is a common thought by grieving women all over the world. If you are struggling to put back together the pieces of your shattered marriage and make sense of his affair, I hope this helps you.
I don’t know what your husband was thinking about when he decided to break his vows and commitment and cheat on you. However, I do feel comfortable making the following assumptions about your husband.
Your Husband Never Expected To Get Caught – Clearly your husband thought he could get away with cheating on you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he only intended to have a one night stand but found out that he couldn’t control his emotions. The affair was probably like a small spark that gets out of control and burns the whole house down.
Your Husband Expects You To Leave Him – I have little doubt that your husband thinks the marriage is over. He probably has very little faith that you will forgive him for having an affair. To be honest, I’m sure you can’t see how your marriage will stay together at this point.
Your Husband Is Confused – Although your husband is the one who decided to break the marriage vows, on the inside he is probably struggling with his emotions. He probably still loves you and the rest of his family but the affair has pulled some other emotional strings. Your husband probably has no clue what to do with those emotions (lust).
Your Husband Needs Help – I’m sure that you are thinking “He created this mess so it’s up to him to fix it”. You and I know that he can’t fix this mess all by himself. Your husband is like a deer staring into the headlights. He doesn’t know whether to go forward, backward or stay where he is. As difficult as it will be, he needs your help to fix the mess that he created.
So what’s going to help you make sense of his affair? Figure out what it is you want and need and go from there.
The problem that I see with a lot of women is that they want so very much to understand it all and quickly. If you try to figure it all out quickly, you might miss key steps during the reconciliation process. I understand the great pain that you are enduring but your goal should be to completely restore your broken relationship.
Make sure that you are clear on the things you need him to disclose to you as well as the steps he must take to earn your trust back. Don’t leave it to fate or chance to heal your broken heart. It’s up to you to lead the way with rebuilding your marriage.
If you need more guidance, please read more here, Dealing With Infidelity.