I’m sorry that your husband has followed in the footsteps of so many men who abandoned their vows, principles and family values and cheated. If you have just uncovered his infidelity I know you are angry and hurting. You don’t deserve this and he really has no legitimate reason for cheating. Now the journey begins for keeping your marriage together.
One of the first steps to healing your marriage after infidelity is healing yourself. There are a few things you need to make sure you are doing as you begin to recover.
- Make sure that you are eating and sleeping. The stress associated with finding out that your husband cheated can overwhelm you both emotionally and physically. For many women it’s hard to eat properly and rest. Please make sure that you are taking care of yourself. You don’t need to get sick on top of what you are already dealing with. A stronger you will allow you to effectively deal with his cheating.
- Don’t think you have to solve this problem overnight. You don’t and you won’t. Your husband’s infidelity will take some time to figure out and if you put too much pressure on yourself you will only stress yourself out. You don’t want to fall into depression so please be careful.
If you could wind back the hand of time, what would you change in your relationship with your husband? What would you like for your husband to have done differently?
For many husbands and wives, infidelity is the culmination of many years of unresolved problems. Unfortunately many marriages get off to the wrong start but are carried by love and lust. Because issues are masked, they slowly begin to reveal themselves over time and the relationship deteriorates.
A big question for most women wounded by cheating is “why”? Why did he cheat when we had a good marriage?
You can get to the bottom of why he cheated by reflecting on what your relationship was like prior to his cheating, supplemented with his reasons. However, he might be hesitant in being truthful about the reasons. The real reason will be a combination of what you surmise and what he reveals to you.
I have found that if couples can get to the point of having honest conversations and manage their emotions they have a good chance of getting their marriage turned around.
The honesty must come from both individuals. You have to be truthful regarding how you feel and what you want. He must be honest about what he has done and what his intentions are moving forward.
When it comes to healing and recovery, you have to get to the point where you understand why he cheated and feel assured that he has stopped and won’t break his promises again.
Clearly your husband has a lot of work to do to earn back your love and trust again.
However, you have to be willing to help him walk through this process. If he is sincere, and wants to stay married, he should be eager to prove his renewed commitment to you. You have to give him the chance to do it.
I realize that this is the most difficult hurdle you have faced in your marriage. I also know that with a lot of patience, and work, your marriage can be healed. You can forgive your cheating husband and love him again. The question is, “are you willing to try it”?
I’m praying for you and your cheating husband to make it.