Are you struggling in just about every aspect of your marriage? Is anger and bitterness at the center of every conversation or argument? If you are dealing with bitterness in your heart it could not only be hurting your marriage, it might also be affecting your health. You need to find a way to get rid of your bitterness before it gets rid of you and your spouse.
Listed below are a few definitions of bitterness. Can you relate to any of these?
- Anger and disappointment at being treated unfairly; resentment
- Resentment: a feeling of deep and bitter anger and ill-will
So let’s look a little deeper into this bitterness thing. Bitter people usually have some anger stored up inside. Do you often have a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility toward your spouse? If you do you probably very often are angered by your spouses’ words or actions.
Unfortunately, so often spouses hold that anger in because of a fear of letting go and taking it out on their spouse. What many folks don’t realize is that being angry is quite normal. The key is how you deal with and release that anger. The one thing that you can’t continue to do is hold in that anger. If you do you will no doubt begin to resent your spouse and soon after you will have extreme bitterness toward your spouse.
Sometimes your spouse can irritate you and make you angry. There is a thin line between being irritated and being angry. If you get irritated it usually sticks with you for a day or two and then it’s gone. Whatever it was that irritated you it is usually forgiven and forgotten. But anger hangs around and is hard to get rid of. Sure you can pretend as though all is well but on the inside you are still seething. Revenge is lurking in the back of your mind and in your heart.
So what is causing you to be angry and bitter toward your spouse? I would bet that it isn’t what you think it is. For example;
John might be angry with his wife Sarah for working too much? But why is he really angry? Is it because he misses her love and affection? Perhaps, he feels threatened as the so called bread winner or provider for the family? Maybe he feels deep down inside that she is having an affair? Or maybe he wants to hang out more but he can’t because of Sarah’s absence and those kids he has to take care of.
I hope you get the point when it comes to being angry about something a spouse is doing or not doing. You have to be honest with yourself and ask the tough questions. Why? Why does this or that really get under my skin?
If you don’t figure out what is the root cause of your anger and bitterness you will be mentally, physically and emotionally drained and your marriage will suffer.
Bitterness is something that slowly builds over time. If your relationship is frustrating you and squeezing out any joy and hope that you have, you must stop the leaking now. If you don’t deal with the issues your relationship will be strained at its best and will probably end.
The way to reduce your anger and bitterness is by improving your marriage. You might be thinking “I knew that already, tell me something different”. Well, I’m glad you know what you need to do. The question is though, what are you doing to reduce the stress and bitterness in your marriage?
- Are you communicating clearly about what is stressing you out?
- Does your spouse know what’s really bothering you or do you shut down and make it impossible to figure out what the problem is?
- Is your spouse angry or bitter and if so have you made some changes in how you react and respond to your spouse, so to not increase his or her bitterness?
- Are you choosing to argue and fight about every issue or only those that can make or break your marriage?
Please continue to work on those critical issues that are causing you to be bitter. What you need to do is take a little time and make sure that you are dealing with the underlying issues that are making you angry. This will ensure that you are making progress in fixing your marriage for good instead of patching it up.
One thing for sure that I can tell you and that is you must get rid of bitterness for the sake of your marriage and health. Please use the information and resources on this site to help you improve your marriage as this information was compiled to help you and your spouse build a loving and lasting relationship.