I’m saddened to know that you too are one of the spouses saying I need help with my marriage dealing with marriage infidelity. My heart breaks each time another affair is uncovered and a marriage and family is torn apart, some temporarily and others forever.
The question I keep asking myself is why? Why is marriage infidelity spreading through our society like an uncontrollable wild fire? Perhaps it’s always been this way but folks were too embarrassed to admit “I need help with my marriage”. The one thing I wish folks would understand is that the simple pleasure gained from marriage infidelity creates so much pain and devastation that it’s not worth the risk.
I have heard some folks who were caught cheating say that they made a mistake. While I do agree that mistakes are made and no one is perfect, I wouldn’t call it a mistake but rather a bad choice. A mistake is when you do something unknowingly. Making the choice to pursue another individually sexually at the risk of losing your marriage and family, is a decision, albeit a very poor decision.
I need help with my marriage getting over marriage infidelity, where to start?
My first suggestion to help in marriage dealing with infidelity is to take a step back and assess the situation. I know how you feel and what you are feeling is angry, hurt, frustrated, disappointed and a host of other uncontrollable emotions. Life can be confusing when infidelity is uncovered in a marriage because you feel like your spirit has just been sucked out of your body. You have trouble eating, sleeping, working or talking to people.
What you should probably do is spend a little time coming to grips with what just happened and where you are in the recovery process. I know this might sound simple but it’s important to get a feel for where your relationship stands now and what you want the future to be like. Don’t think of it in terms of you and your spouse but rather what do you want.
I think it’s time to take stock of what you want and if I had to guess what you wanted I would say you want to be in a relationship where you are fulfilled and meeting the needs of your partner. You also want the pain and embarrassment of marriage infidelity to go away. Instead of saying “I need help with my marriage” you would like to be saying “My marriage is healthy and blissful”. The good news is that you can get what you want i.e., pain relief and fulfillment in your relationship.
Tips For Getting Over Marriage Infidelity
Get mentally tough – Working through all of the drama associated with confessions of lies and deceit and betrayal of trust will take a toll on your mind. The way to combat this is to make sure you keep things in perspective. The affair was wrong and unfortunate and could very well change your marriage forever. Although the stupidity of your spouse has broken your heart you must not let depression set in or have a nervous breakdown and lose your mind. It’s important to believe and know that at the end of the day, you will be ok.
Take control – Your cheating spouse probably is struggling to figure out what to do next to avoid either agitating you more or getting kicked out. If your marriage is going to survive infidelity it will most likely be because of what you do. So please get the ball rolling on your healing and recovery process. Perhaps you need to;
- Think about what you would want to take place if your marriage is to be healed and/or restored
- Write down some topics you would like to cover and some of the questions you need answered
- Schedule some recurring days and times to discuss the affair and work on reconciling your relationship
- Don’t spend all day and night thinking about the affair and your relationship. Try to focus on other more positive things in and around your life which bring peace of mind and joy to your soul.
- Give your spouse some boundaries that need to be adhered to with regard to your expectations on his or her behaviors in the home as well as outside of the home.
I know you said you needed help in marriage getting over marriage infidelity and I hope this gives you a start in ending your pain and turning this dreadful situation around so that you can live life again.
I also hope that you know and believe that you can recover and be healed. If you would like more guidance on dealing with infidelity or help in marriage, please take a moment and read more here; Help With My Marriage Getting Over Marriage Infidelity