First, let me say that I’m truly sorry that your spouse has made such an awful choice and decided to cheat. The one thing that can help in saving your marriage is getting a good understanding and perspective. I hope this helps with your marriage restoration after cheating has been uncovered.
One of the steps that many individuals skip, which is important in the recovery process, is figuring out early on what it is that they really desire. It is natural to focus on the anger and resentment and wanting to get even. What your spouse has done is unacceptable and has the potential to end your marriage in divorce. However, regardless of what the end result will be, it can help in marriage healing and forgiveness if you know what you want.
Now, saying what you want and doing the things you need to do to get what you want in your marriage can be difficult. Here are a couple of reasons why;
- You are hurting and angry and the last thing you want to do is work with your cheating spouse to fix your marriage problems.
- You most likely believe that your spouse will cheat again.
- Trust, commitment and love for and by your spouse are all question marks at this point.
- You are not sure if you will ever be able to make love to your spouse again.
- Every time you think about the affair or see a show or article about cheating it reminds you of your spouse’s unfaithfulness.
- Perhaps you feel as though you will never be able to meet all of your spouses needs and thus are uncertain what can be done to help your marriage survive.
So, although you might be saying you want to try and work things out, the negative obstacles can subconsciously cause you to act differently and hinder progress in restoring relationships. Many times our behaviors are reflective of our feelings and not our thoughts.
A good thing to do to help you succeed at restoring your marriage after adultery has happened is to make a list or a roadmap of where you want tour marriage to go. Whether you travel through this path or skip a few steps you will experience anger, resentment, denial, rejection, mild depression and withdrawal, fear and if properly addressed, healing and the ability to forgive your cheating spouse.
The good news is that if handled properly, you can restore your marriage and learn to trust and love again. The not so good news is that it will take a lot of work and probably be painful at times. Please be encouraged that there are things you can do to help in making a recovery in your marriage from this awful ordeal.
I don’t profess to have all of the answers but I hope this information provides some insight and encouragement to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I know you can get through this, if that’s your desire. At a minimum, you should be able to get to the point of healing your broken heart and forgiving your cheating spouse. Your life and future will be better if you can. Then, the icing on the cake will be if you decide to keep your spouse around. If you don’t, I understand. However, healing and forgiveness will equip you to move forward in your life.
I have listed below a couple of other articles you might find helpful regarding dealing with infidelity. I hope you find them useful.