No marriage facing adultery can survive without some type of help in marriage. With that said, if you are dealing with adultery in your marriage, please understand that help is available. You don’t have to let embarrassment or shame keep you from getting help with overcoming this serious marriage breaking issue.
We all know that having an affair has the potential to quickly bring a marriage to an end. Until a person is faced with this unfortunate circumstance, they really have no idea how they will handle it.
Sure, we all say I would forgive you and I will always love you. However, saying I love you and being able to forgive your spouse for cheating and trying to work things out is an entirely different matter.
So what is the best way to help your marriage overcome adultery? I say get on the right path to healing, forgiveness and restoration and proceed at a pace that you or your spouse are comfortable with. Recovering from adultery is a little different for every couple so many times you need to tweak what others have done to make the best of your situation.
It would be great if all you had to do to ease the pain and suffering associate with the affair is copy what someone else has done. The good news is that although your situation is personal, it’s most likely not unique. There are some common reasons why spouses cheat and some general things you can do to help in marriage.
Common Reasons Why Spouses Cheat (in no particular order)
- Selfish & Inconsiderate
- Feeling unsatisfied in the bedroom
- No longer physically attracted to their spouse
- Relationship has become stale, boring and unfulfilling
- Emotional disconnect and emotional connect with someone else
- Partner feels lonely and ignored
- Constant fighting and disrespecting
Helpful Marriage Tips After Adultery Has Occurred
Set Realistic Expectations – I understand the pain and anger and resentment you feel and how on one hand you would like to run over your cheating partner. On the other hand, you don’t want to throw away all that you have worked toward without trying to fix things. I can promise you two things;
First, your recovery will be painful and difficult. Second, you can definitely heal your broken heart and restore you broken relationship if that is what you and your spouse desire.
What I would encourage you to do is just be honest with yourself and understand where you are and where you want to be next week, next month and next year. Can your healing, forgiveness and restoration happen quickly? Yes it can! Just be prepared to spend some quality time working on your marriage repair.
Formulate A Plan – Rebuilding your relationship takes purpose, planning and determination. It will not happen by chance, luck or accident. A good place to start is coming up with a list of what is important to you and what would help in rebuilding your marriage. Once you have a framework or outline of what’s key to your healing you can start working with your spouse to get to where you need go (spiritually, emotionally and mentally).
For example, how much about the infidelity do you need to understand? Think carefully about the questions and write them down. Don’t try to have discussions about the infidelity on the fly. Set up some time to discuss matters and be prepared. If you don’t prepare for the discussions, there is a good chance that your anger and resentment will take over and who knows where the discussions will go. Only ask questions that you really want answers to. I think you know what I mean.
One of the most important things that might help you is getting advice from someone who has walked this journey that you are on and made it through the difficult days. If you know of such a couple, it might be helpful to share privately with them. If you aren’t able to do so you might appreciate reading more about a couple who was able to restore their marriage after infidelity. You can read more about it here; Help In Marriage Dealing With Adultery.