Have you and your sweetie pie or honey bunny ever had a disagreement or difference of opinion since you have been married? Unless you are perfect, and I haven’t met anyone yet who is, then I assume your answer is “Yes”. Conflict in marriage is normal and finding help in managing conflict in your marriage is something you should be proud of.
The difference between those marriages that make it and those that fail is fixing the marriage problems before it is too late. When it comes to conflict, one of the things that will help your marriage is learning to place your marriage above the conflict.
It is important to put your marriage conflict in perspective. Please pause and ask yourself a simple question, each time you are starting or are in the middle of a conflict in your marriage. Think long and hard about two thing
- What is the point of continuing on with this argument or conflict?
- Will either I or my spouse be better off after the conflict is over?
As I mentioned above, conflict in your marriage is normal and if conducted properly, can help your marriage. However, in most marriages, conflict has a negative affect. It can result in bitterness, anger, frustration and build a wall between spouses.
Here are some of the common issues that ignite conflict in marriage and require help:
Raising Children – Very often because of different background and experiences, couples struggle on how their children are being raised. You have no way of knowing how your spouse is going to be as a parent. You may have pictured how he or she would be but you didn’t even really know what kind of parent you would be. Most folks just simply aim to be like one of their parents or make sure they are the opposite.
What you soon realize is that decision making when it comes to the kids can result in a lot of tension. Before you know it you have conflict in your marriage over what your kids are allowed to do, say, eat or who they can hang out with.
To reduce some of the conflict in marriage regarding dealing with your children, it will help your marriage if you could get on the same page before you actually attempt to discipline or set boundaries for your children.
Also, try not to fight for or against any matter in front of your child. You never want to look divided in front of a child. Remember, united you stand and divided you will fall.
Sex —is a point of contention for many couples but is often difficult to discuss and resolve. There are so many assumptions made about the lack of intimacy in a marriage that if not dealt with openly or honestly can lead to bigger issues in the marriage. The mind can wonder and fill in the blanks if you aren’t careful. Thoughts like the following might occur;
- If we aren’t having sex then my spouse doesn’t love me any longer or;
- I’m no longer attractive to my spouse because he or she never initiates sex or;
- My spouse must be having an affair because ………
The way to break through this conflict in your marriage is taking some quiet time together and expressing your concerns, fears and hopes. Don’t wait for your spouse to read the writing on the wall. Also, don’t make the issue more complicated by refusing your spouse’s pathetic advances at times. I know it might feel as though your spouse thinks he or she is doing you a favor by getting together, however don’t be spiteful and refuse. Remember, all it takes is one spark to get the fire going again.
You might also be struggling with conflict in your marriage related to money, or In-laws, or perhaps communication. There are many couples also having issues with infidelity or concern about cheating.
It’s important to remember, regardless of the issue you are having conflict about to take a moment and pause. Figure out if continuing down the conflict road will help in making your marriage better or worse. For example, if your marriage conflict is about a perceived affair, there is a real purpose for the conflict and it needs to be dealt with. Without resolution, your marriage will have very little peace and will probably end.
However, if your conflict in marriage is about whether a child should be disciplined or if you should purchase the new flat screen T.V., make sure it really is worth breaking up your marriage over. Please continue to read through the various articles on the site to help in managing conflict.