Cheating Husband – How To Salvage The Marriage

I’m sorry if your cheating husband has thrown away your marriage and future by committing adultery. There is no simple way to explain why he cheated or know for sure if your husband will have another affair. There is however a need for you to try to move beyond his unfaithfulness.  You have to move forward to relieve some of the stress that you are feeling today.

Let me be honest and say that with all my heart I believe your marriage can be restored. I know it’s hard to imagine such a thing happening when you are so angry, bitter and disappointed. Saving your marriage after cheating comes down to two basic principles.

  1. Learn to forgive and move forward.
  2. Decide upon discovering the cheating by your husband, to throw in the towel and move forward without him.

It’s not an easy choice one way or the other. There will be pain and suffering as you move forward and if you decide to stick it out, there will be quite a bit of pain.

Don’t let your cheating husband’s poor decision making ruin your life. I know that you are probably a little confused right now. Don’t be. Take your time and figure things out before you decide what to do.

How To Salvage Your Marriage

You might be struggling with your emotions concerning your marriage.  One of the keys to restore your marriage is to be in control. If you are out of control (emotionally and physically) it will be hard to rebuild the trust.

I would recommend that you take some time and figure out what to do next. Unless you are in danger of being physically abused, why rush getting back together. Don’t make a rash decision that you will regret for the rest of your life. You will no doubt be tempted to throw your cheating husband out and you have every right to. However, how can you rebuild your marriage if your husband isn’t with you?

What I have found useful is when couples agree on the following. The husband agrees to end the affair and his wife agrees to not decide right away whether to forgive and move forward.

The first order of business is for the husband to stop cheating. This seems pretty straight forward but it’s not always that easy. Your husband could be emotionally attached to his lover or he could be too selfish to give her up. He must end the affair before your healing can begin.

The next order of business is for you to de-stress. You need to find an outlet to make sure that this unfortunate circumstance doesn’t lead to long-term health issues. I know of a 25 year old girl who was so stressed in her marriage that she had a serious stroke. She had no way to relieve stress. Don’t let the rage, bitterness and frustration ruin your health and life.

If you plan on saving your marriage, develop a plan to do it. Don’t let your emotional instability lead you through this painful experience.

Best wishes, in recovering from your cheating husband’s bad decision.

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Why Your Marriage Hasn’t Turned Out How You Expected It To

Once upon a time, you were madly in-love or at least infatuated with your spouse and no one could tell you that you weren’t a match made in heaven. Then after a few months or years together, you most likely realized that you weren’t the perfect couple. In fact, you probably were or still are questioning, why did I get married? Can you relate to any of this?

Well, if your marriage hasn’t turned out the way you expected it to, don’t blame your spouse. At least don’t lay all the blame on your spouse. I’m pretty sure that you have played a major role in shaping the marriage that you are now stuck with.

Please know that I’m not suggesting that your spouse has no responsibility to accept for the state of affairs in your relationship. What I’m saying is that there are two things that I suspect has occurred which are contributing factors to your unhappiness and struggling marriage.

  1. Your expectations or assumptions going into the marriage were wrong.
  2. You changed a couple of months or years into the marriage.

Expectations

If you were to be honest, wouldn’t you say that you expected your marriage to be perfect? Who would of thought that fighting and anger would be present in your marriage? I’m sure you didn’t see it coming.

The problem with wrong expectations is that they can ruin a marriage. When expectations are not met this can lead to frustration, anger, disappointment and if you are not careful, infidelity. The good news is that expectations can be adjusted along your marital journey.

Please don’t think I’m talking about settling. What I’m suggesting is that you don’t continue to hold onto expectations that will never be met. If you do, you will forever be frustrated and the longer it goes on the more bitter you will become.Take a step back and examine your priorities and make sure that you and your spouse work together on the important things that bind you together. Don’t let anything come between you.

You Changed

I know it’s hard to admit it but your expectations might not be met because you changed them. You can perhaps look at it another way. Maybe you didn’t change but your real characteristics are now coming to light.

What I have found over the years is that individuals find a way to mask their real personalities for the sake of love, peace and happiness. The problem is that after a few years of marriage, the masking starts to be undone. There is a desire to please self instead of one’s partner. This results in tension, fights and a frustrated husband and wife.

Whether you changed or not is not really the issue. What is an issue is that what you previously found cute and adorable in your spouse now irritates you to death. It’s worse now because you are comfortable, letting your spouse know exactly how you feel.

I would recommend that you take a step back and reflect on your behavior over the last year or couple of years. Are you more or less tolerant than you use to be? Do you have control over your communication to your spouse? Are you encouraging or discouraging your spouse?

I’m delighted that you are taking steps to improve your marriage. There are so many couples who divorce without ever trying to fix their marriage. You don’t have to be like the folks who decide to throw in the towel without fighting for their marriage. You can save your marriage today.

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4 Things You Will Lose If Infidelity Sneaks Into Your Marriage

I have no doubt that infidelity will cause life altering changes to any marriage or relationship. There is no way to escape the pain, bitterness and uncertainty about the future. For some couples the loss is so great that recovery from infidelity is too big a mountain to climb. For other couples forgiveness and reconciliation comes quicker. However, quicker doesn’t make it any easier. There are some key things that are likely to be lost if an affair occurs.

4 Things You Will Lose If Infidelity Sneaks Into Your Marriage

Emotional Stability – refers to the state of being able to have the appropriate feelings about the common experiences and being able to act in a rational manner. Stability means to be emotionally and physically predictable and not readily moved. People that are emotionally stable are able to tolerate the day to day strains and stresses by not getting emotionally upset, anxious or angry.

It goes without saying that after an affair is uncovered, emotional stability will be hard to achieve. There might be some hours of stability while something else has your attention but the strain and stress of thinking about the affair and the future of your relationship will be overbearing at times.

Sense Of Trust – belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc., or assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. I’m confident that you will agree that there is no sense of trust when cheating has occurred. All trust is gone once adultery has occurred and it takes purposeful steps to regain that sense of trust. For some folks it takes years to get it back.

Security – When I think about security what comes to mind is the state of being protected and safe from harm or freedom from fear or anxiety. Feeling safe and not vulnerable when infidelity occurs is unlikely. You feel hurt, disappointed and your heart is crushed. You have fears of your marriage or relationship ending and also fear of the unknown. You have so many questions and very few answers when you first find out about an affair. You can feel secure again but it’s not something that happens quickly for most folks.

Financial Wellbeing – To achieve financial wellbeing you must learn how to make educated and informed decisions about managing money, know how to use credit wisely and discover ways to save and invest money to plan for the future and for retirement. When you have a state of financial well-being, you are able to pay your bills without stress or anxiety even when you have debts to pay off or unexpected expenses.

It’s difficult to focus on your financial wellbeing when you are fighting to either save or end your relationship because of infidelity. Your financial future is on-hold until you know where your marriage or relationship is going. Will you be able to stay in your current residence is more of a pressing issue. You will probably be at war initially with your cheating partner so finances will be a strain unless both of you are financially solvent.

You may or may not know that current statistics show that over 50% of the couples together today will have to deal with some form of infidelity in their relationship. I’m being conservative with the percentage. However, you don’t have to be lumped in with 50% crowd dealing with infidelity. Work on building barriers around your relationship to keep temptation and adultery on the outside looking in. Understand the causes and avoid them. I know it sounds simple and that’s because it is.

I hope you never have to deal with infidelity in your relationship because it is extremely painful. If you are, don’t give up on your relationship or life. Many a folks have survived infidelity and you can too.

If you have not been down that road yet, make sure you avoid it. Heed the warning signs and head it off before it sneaks into your marriage.

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3 Signs Your Marriage Might Be In Trouble

It doesn’t matter what area of your life you are examining, if you have ever been in trouble you can probably pin point some warning signs before the storm hit. With a loss of a job it’s pretty clear warning signs. When your workload and responsibilities start to diminish and your boss starts avoiding you, be mindful that your days might be numbered.

The same goes with your health. Very rarely does a person’s health just fail. There are instances where something catastrophic happens, like a blood clot occurs. However, even in that situation very often there are some pains or discomfort which are ignored. Many of us are guilty of putting off going to the Doctor unless it’s extremely necessary. If not required by an employer to save on medical premiums many of us would not make that annual visit to the Doctor.

So what about your marriage? Are you paying attention to the warning signs in your marriage? Would it help in your marriage if you examined your relationship a little closer instead of pretending that all is good?

Here are 3 signs to be mindful of in your marriage;

1. You stop listening to each other.
2. Your happiness increases when you are apart from your spouse.
3. Your intimacy is a chore and not a pleasure.

Tuning out your spouse or each other is a clear sign that you are growing apart. If you have no interest in hearing how your spouse’s day was or what he or she is going through, you have lost a connection. It’s easy to brush off your spouse because you know what is going to be said before it comes out of the mouth. Just remember, if you aren’t listening to each other, someone else could come along and fill that missing void of communication.

Truly you know you are heading into trouble if a smile comes on your face as your spouse leaves your presence. If you feel a sense of relief and joy, knowing you have about 10 hours of freedom until you meet again, it’s a problem. It’s ok to need your space but it’s not ok if you need more and more space.

There are some reasons why intimacy fizzles out. The spark may never be as bright and hot as it was when you first met. However, let it be known that the intimacy will die if it’s not activated from time to time. It’s kind of like smoking or eating chocolate. If you smoke a lot or constantly eat chocolate it’s hard to do without it. If you stop for a while your body figures out that you really don’t need it. The same goes with intimacy.

You may or may not be seeing some of the signs mentioned above in your marriage. The key to a healthy and happy marriage is recognizing the warning signs and making minor repairs instead of a major overhaul.

If you are struggling in your relationship don’t give up hope. You need to believe that your marriage will be turned around and there is no time better than the present to start healing your relationship. All marriages go through seasons. You might be experiencing winter now but spring is right around the corner. Start planting the seeds now for new joy, peace and togetherness in your marriage.

Don’t ignore the signs of trouble. Embrace them and use them as a guide to show you the things you need to repair now so you don’t have to suffer with down the road.

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Is Temptation Stealing The Romance Out Of Your Marriage?

Are you or your spouse struggling to keep the romance flame burning hot and bright?

Is the fire going out or is it burning but not for each other? What some folks think is that flirting with temptation is good for their marriage. You might hear someone say flirting is healthy. It is thought by some that temptation is ok as long as you don’t go too far. The question is though is temptation stealing the romance out of your marriage?

Remember when you could barely be apart from your spouse? You would take a walk holding hands and stop for a passionate kiss.  When was the last time you kissed for more than 60 seconds? Of course, back in the day, you would kiss for hours. When do you expect to get that romance and passion back?

Where do you think the competition is coming from for the romance in your marriage? Is it another person in the neighborhood? Perhaps it’s someone at work or a T.V. romance?

The reality is that temptation is every where and available 24 hours a day. If you don’t believe me just flip on the T.V. after midnight and scan through the channels. Then there is the almighty tempting internet. It’s hard to check emails without getting an offer to find a perfect match on some dating site.

So how can you fight the temptation and help your spouse avoid giving in? Spend time developing your relationship. Make sure that your marriage is a top priority in your life. Don’t let your differences push you further and further apart. You must find a way to minimize the severity of your arguments and the time it takes to get over your offenses.

If you carry past hurts and ill feelings towards each other for great lengths of time you will begin to dislike each other. Once that happens, you will find resentment and bitterness building up in your heart. Romance will have a difficult time surviving if bitterness is in your marriage.

Romance is something that you have to do and not just feel. If you sit by and wait for romance to come back into your marriage you might be seriously disappointed. If you want to lose weight you change your eating habits and exercise. If you want to get a promotion you work hard, improve your knowledge and skills and reap the rewards. Why not invest the same time and effort into building your marriage?

In conclusion, temptation is like a hot fire. If you keep your distance, you won’t get burned. I would suggest that you make every effort to avoid going to places or doing things online where you are constantly in a battle with temptation. If you have too many run-ins with temptation you will eventually lose.

Help build up your marriage and there will be no room for temptation.

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3 Marriage Tips To Heal Your Broken Relationship

You don’t have to be in a broken relationship for the rest of your married life. Your marriage should be a joyous relationship and not one that brings you pain and suffering. To be honest why would anyone want to get married if a marriage is going to be filled with pain and disappointment?

Well, if you are already married you might as well fix your marriage since you have already signed up for a life sentence. Yes, although your marriage might not be perfect you agreed to stay together until death do you part, right? So instead of living a miserable married life why not figure out how to make it better?

3 Marriage Tips To Help Your Marriage Succeed

Work On Making Your Spouse Happy – There is a difficult decision that you need to make when it comes to fixing your marriage. Should you try to change your spouse, change yourself or accept things just the way they are?

The first one, “try to change your spouse” is a pretty easy decision to make and that is “don’t try to change your spouse”. You will most likely fail at trying to change your spouse so don’t waist your time and energy.

The second one “change yourself”, is an easy one as well. You should work on making yourself the best possible partner that you can be. This doesn’t mean giving in to your spouses every demand and command but being mindful of things you can do to better your relationship. Perhaps you could change the way you interact or react to your spouse or find ways to be more supportive. If you find ways to better yourself it should have a positive impact on your relationship.

The third one “accept things just the way they are” is not a great option. You don’t want to continue to be frustrated and miserable. Throw this option off the table and work on changing yourself.

Find Things That Make You Happy – Don’t expect your spouse and your marriage to fulfill all of your needs. If you rely only on your spouse to make you happy then you will have many disappointing days. Make sure that you have a healthy balance in your life. There must be something that you enjoy doing, i.e., spending time exercising, playing sports or perhaps shopping at the mall. If you sit around and wait for your spouse to make you happy, you will have many sad days.

Leave Your Baggage Behind – Make sure that you don’t live in the past and constantly revisit broken promises and lost dreams. If your spouse has missed the mark in the past, don’t dwell on it and bring up his or her shortcomings every time you have an argument. Focus on the here and the now, not the past. Remember, if you keep looking backwards you will never go forward in your relationship.

Your relationship can use a tune-up and you have the right tools to get the job done. Don’t let your anger, frustration and disappointment get in the way of healing your broken relationship. Also, don’t wait for your spouse to make the first moves to get things right. You lead and let your spouse follow. You know what it will take to fix your marriage. Now just do it.

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Why Talking Too Much Can Hurt Your Marriage

Have you ever found yourself saying things that you later regretted? I think we all have probably stuck our foot in our mouth on more than one occasion. Unfortunately, once those words leave your mouth or you hit the send button on a text or email message, it’s not much you can do. That’s why I believe too much talking can hurt your marriage.

You might be thinking that this doesn’t apply to you because your spouse knows how much you love them. Well, just because your spouse doesn’t say anything about your talking too much it doesn’t mean that it is ok.

Now, let me be clear about the talking too much issue. I’m not talking about the amount of words you use or the amount of time you take spitting out your words. That’s not the main issue, but it can be a contributing factor to the problem. The main issue is what you say and when you say it.

Some reasons why talking too much can hurt your marriage;

  1. You will eventually say something insensitive or offensive
  2. Your spouse will speak less if you continue to dominate the conversations
  3. You might be building a sense of resentment toward you from your spouse
  4. Your spouse might want to be around you less

I realize that you need to communicate and I’m a believer in having that need fulfilled in a relationship. However, there should be some healthy talking boundaries in your marriage, such as:

  • No disclosing personal relationship issues to folks outside of the marriage that is not done for the purpose of seeking guidance and improving the marriage. No negative spouse bashing allowed. If you need to vent, find a good mirror and talk to yourself.
  • Don’t constantly make insulting and degrading remarks to your spouse, even if you think that you are being funny. It’s like sticking pins in your spouse’s heart. One day all of the love for you will have leaked out.
  • Never embarrass your spouse in a public setting by speaking about him or her or your relationship unless you both consent ahead of time.
  • Listen more than you speak and allow communication to flow.
  • Don’t use your words to try to control your spouse. The goal is not to win or rule but to love, share and grow together. Your words will play a major role in whether you succeed or fail in your marriage.

You probably have a list in your mind of things you wish you had never said. Perhaps you sent a scathing text message or posted something online that you wish you could take back. I think the easiest thing to do is make sure you take a step back and never send an email or text when you are angry. You should also avoid posting updates on social networks about your relationship, positive or negative. Try to respect the privacy of your marriage and be sensitive to your spouse’s feelings.

Finally, if you find yourself constantly apologizing for the things you say to your spouse, you need to work hard to fix this issue before it’s too late.

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Is Your Spouse Or Social Networking Your Special Valentines?

Valentines Day is just a few weeks away and for some spouses it’s a holiday highly anticipated. This is the one day of the year when the main emphasis is celebrating the love. There will be flowers and teddy bears and chocolates galore. Romantic dinners and getaways will be plentiful with babysitters in high demand.

Unfortunately Valentines Day is not a time for celebration for many couples. If you are struggling in your relationship you know what I mean. Your heart is not racing with anticipation and your expectations for this day are very low. In fact, you might even be a little sad on February 14th as millions of happy couples cherish the day. Perhaps for you hanging out on social networks will be your valentine this year.

I feel for you if your relationship has reached the point where it’s maxed out. Although marriage should bring joy to your life, you feel a sense of sadness and frustration. Maybe you find a little solace in connecting with friends via Facebook or Twitter.

There is nothing wrong with networking with best friends or old friends unless the time you spend online would be better used fixing your relationship. I would suggest you take some time and figure out if being online is helpful to your relationship at this time.

I believe with the pressures of life today everyone needs a way to escape. You can get a sense of joy celebrating the good news you find out about other folks lives on the social networks. But I must ask, “Shouldn’t you be experiencing joy in your marriage”?

If you are not experiencing joy in your marriage, are you spending too much time online instead of trying to improve your marriage? What signals are you sending to your spouse if more of your time is spent online than tending to your spouse’s needs?

There are a few things that you can do to ensure that your spouse is your true valentine.

  1. Tell your spouse how much you love and appreciate him or her.
  2. Show in tangible ways that you care.
  3. Treat your spouse as though he or she were the most important person in your life.
  4. Coordinate a low key, low budget Valentines Day. Use your imagination and creativity to make the day special. It’s not important how much you spend but rather how much you have thought about it.
  5. Don’t set unrealistic expectations for the day. If your spouse is not romantic or creative, don’t be disappointed. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t loved. It might just mean that your spouse doesn’t appreciate the same things that make you happy.
  6. Do not under any circumstances compare your relationship or Valentines Day to other couples. You will find fault with your spouse and your relationship.
  7. Be devoted and not detached.
  8. Celebrate the good in your relationship and learn to tolerate the bad until it gets fixed.

This Valentines Day doesn’t have to be disappointing and sad for you. Each and every day you have a new opportunity to get your relationship going in the right direction. Don’t wait for February 14th to get started on restoring your marriage. Start today!

I hope you are determined to make your marriage special again. You have invested so much time and energy in your marriage. Plan to move forward in love and in peace and you will find success.

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Will This Valentines Day Break Your Heart Again?

It’s almost been a year since you last thought about Valentines Day and held out hope for renewed love in your relationship. Perhaps things have not quite lived up to your expectations for your relationship and now you find yourself a few weeks away from another potential heartbreaking day.

I think the older I get the faster time seems to go by. It’s almost as though somewhere in the past I decided to live from holiday to holiday. The time between Labor Day and the first day of spring seems like a blur. You look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Years. It’s a time spent giving to others and spending time with family, friends and office pals.

Then before you know it, Valentines Day is staring you in the eye, yet again. You begin to get depressed just thinking about it. There is a part of your heart that wants to believe that this year will be different. Then your mind whispers in your ear that nothing will be different this year. You and your spouse have not changed and thus this Valentines Day will be the same as always, boring and depressing.

Well, when it comes to your relationship, you have a say so on how things will go. There is a possibility that this could be one of the best Valentines Days you ever had. At the very least you should make sure that you have tried your best to make this day special to you and your spouse.

Here are a few suggestions for making this day special.

Take the pressure off – Don’t try to build up the day with communicating to your spouse how special Valentines Day is going to be or how much you are looking forward to this glorious day. Unless your partner is living under a rock, he or she knows that the day is coming. Don’t raise expectations too high and make your partner feel as though he or she will not be able to meet them.

Make some simple suggestions – Why not make some simple plans for the day. Valentines Day doesn’t have to be a grand night out on the town or an expensive endeavor. Don’t let lack of resources or time get in the way of having a special time together.

Be mindful of your partner’s desires – Don’t assume that your partner enjoys the exact same things that you do. Maybe you like dancing under a crystal ball and your partner likes taking a late night stroll through the park. Perhaps you can compromise and do a little romantic dancing at home and take a walk through the park, holding hands and finding that magical place to stop and kiss.

I know Valentines Day can be stressful an frustrating. Please don’t judge your relationship based on how this day goes. You have 365 days each year to get your relationship back on the right path. Make every day count and work on restoring your love and friendship. If it happens on Valentines Day, great! If it doesn’t, try again on February 15th.

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Keys To Building A Happy Marriage

Building a happy and healthy marriage is what most spouses want but yet many never achieve. Why is happiness in a marriage so hard to keep when the desire is present? Do you feel like your marriage is lacking what it takes to last forever? You don’t need to be afraid but you do need to get a hold of the issues in your marriage before they give you or your spouse a change of heart.

Some Tips For Building A Happy Marriage

Don’t let your marriage drift – It’s very easy to ignore the things in your marriage that very easily can lead you down separate paths. Have you and your spouse talked about your religious beliefs or how many kids you want to have or where you would like to retire? These are some pretty important issues that can cause major friction in the future.

Don’t assume that you have the same beliefs and goals. If you do, you might be in for a shocker 10 years from now. Start working on getting common goals and this will draw you closer to each other.

Learn to tolerate each other and appreciate the good – There is no perfect marriage and there are no perfect people. You may have thought you were a perfect match made in Heaven but the longer you live with a person the more it becomes clear that perfection is only a dream. The sooner you understand and accept your spouses shortcomings the happier you both will be. Don’t focus on only the negatives.

Fight fair and at the right time – Fighting is a necessary evil in your marriage. However, you need to set some ground rules and stick to them for the sake of your marriage. Make sure your fights are focused and meaningful. Don’t allow your fighting about one thing to drift off into rehashing old issues or a discussion on every possible irritating thing your spouse does.

Pay attention to each other – With all of the hustle and bustle of today’s society it’s difficult at times to devote quality time to each other. I mean there are Facebook and Twitter messages to read and cable shows to catch up on and angry birds to kill right? Where do you squeeze in time to make your spouse happy?

All I can say is that if you aren’t careful, someone else may fill the empty void your spouse feels, if you don’t pay attention and be a part of their life.

Don’t compare your marriage to others – You may have some friends who brag about how great their marriage is. Don’t believe the hype! Please don’t misunderstand me. There are millions upon millions of happily married couples. I would say most of them don’t brag about their marriage happiness. They are to busy working on keeping their marriage strong and healthy.

If you constantly compare your marriage to marriages on television, in the movies or with some couple you barely know, your marriage will appear to be failing. Compare your marriage to the marriage you thought you were getting and work to achieve your goal of a happy and healthy marriage.

I must say after 30 plus years of marriage it gets better with time. You can and should have a happy and healthy marriage. Remember, no marriage is perfect, including mind. However, if you have the right perspective, 30 plus years is possible for you and the love of your life.

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