Will Cheating On Your Spouse Help Your Marriage?

Cheating on your spouse is not thought of by most to be a good thing. Although for some it’s justified as spicing up the marriage. I bet you can guess which spouse views it as a good thing. If you have been thinking about cheating to increase your happiness, here are some things to consider.

Cheating On Your Spouse Is Selfish Not Helpful

I don’t care how you try to frame it, or spin it, cheating is not about doing what’s best for the marriage. It is about doing what feels good. There is one scenario where a spouse is not physically able to perform that some might try to justify cheating. I don’t mean to be judgmental but it’s still cheating. I fail to find any reason other than selfishness to describe what cheating on your spouse is.

Cheating On Your Spouse Will Hurt More Than Just Your Spouse

Very often cheaters no longer care about their spouse and thus having an affair seems fair. I mean, they are unhappy and unfulfilled and thus cheating will fill a void in their life. The sad part is that many other individuals suffer as a result of an affair. There are children, parents, in-laws and friends who will suffer along with the couple as they try to deal with infidelity.

Then there is often times the 3rd person in the relationship, the person participating in the affair. That individual sometimes is lied to and hurt when the affair doesn’t turn into a real relationship.

Myths About Cheating

  • It’s ok as long as your spouse doesn’t find out
  • Your marriage can’t survive infidelity
  • You will never be trusted again if you cheat on your spouse
  • Everyone will cheat at some point in the marriage
  • Having an affair with a younger person will keep you young
  • You will never be able to forgive a cheating spouse
  • It’s impossible to control your emotions and feelings towards someone else

What you believe about cheating and the results of cheating will significantly impact your decision on whether to cheat or not. Perception can easily become reality so be careful what you believe regarding infidelity.

There is one thing I believe without a shadow of a doubt will happen during your marriage. You will be faced with temptation to cheat. It might be a little temptation or one that takes great restraint to resist. You will be tempted though. The question is, “how will you respond”?

I have never met a spouse or couple who proclaim how cheating saved their marriage or helped their marriage. I have known couples who fought tooth and nail in divorce court, with intentions on destroying their spouses’ life.

I do know children who were devastated as their parents split up because of a selfish affair.

Will Cheating On Your Spouse Help Your Marriage? What do you think?

Cheating on your spouse will never improve your marriage, in my opinion. Cheating will bring pain and destruction to your relationship though. If you are thinking about cheating, please don’t do it. If you are dealing with infidelity, either as the cheater or the one cheated on, please continue to fight to save your marriage. For more help on recovering from an affair, read here; Dealing With Infidelity

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Marriage Happiness

Marriage happiness is something that most spouses want. The ones who don’t want happiness are at the point where they want to be single again. In some cases they have little hope that things will change and thus they are content with just being unhappy. Living happily ever after is not just in fairy tales. You can have happiness in your marriage. Here are some things to consider as you seek happiness.

Make Your Marriage About “Us” Not “I

From the day we were born, our life was about “I”. I need to come out of the womb we said at about nine months into the pregnancy. For the next few months we screamed at the top of our lungs when we wanted to eat or get a diaper change. This selfish behavior continued on pretty much until we got to the age of 18. For some of us it continued on, even after we got married.

If your marriage is about “I” and not about “Us”, or all about you and not about your spouse, you will never be happy. You and your spouse must be looking to make each other happy, at least some of the time. It’s not a full time job, it’s a part time job. It’s ok to focus on yourself sometime, just not all the time.

Secrets To A Happy Marriage

Can I let you in on a secret about secrets to a happy marriage? There are none. Marriage has been around since the beginning of mankind. There are no marriage secrets. There is marriage ignorance and marriage denial but no secrets. The problem is we often want a quick fix or a magic potion to fix our marriage. I don’t want to depress you but marriage happiness will not be instant or quick. It will take sacrifice and work.

Don’t Compare Your Marriage Happiness To Others

This reminds me of a scene from a movie I watched a few years ago called “Diary Of A Mad Black Women”. To summarize;

  1. The husband was a successful lawyer and the couple lived in a mansion.
  2. The wife stayed at home (no kids).
  3. The husband received the Lawyer of the year award and the couple attended a grand ceremony where he thanked his wife and blew her a romantic kiss.
  4. He proceeded to drive her home and abruptly kicked her out of the car.

On the surface they were perceived to be a powerful influential happily married couple. The reality was that he had a mistress and already had two children with her. He then kicked her out of the house and moved the mistress in.

It’s easy to look at other couples and wish you had the kind of marriage they do. If you do, you run the risk of disliking your marriage as it will come up short all the time. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t strive for a happy marriage because it is very much possible. Just don’t waste your time and energy dreaming about other marriages. Use your time and energy to make your marriage better.

Marriage happiness brings about a great peace and balance in your life. Sometimes work or life in general can wear you down. When you have a good marriage, it helps you get through the difficulties of life. According to Wikipedia, happiness is defined as; a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

If your marriage is not bringing you a sense of well being and contentment, you need to do something about it now. Don’t wait for tomorrow, or next week or next month.

Why not get started with improving your marriage starting right now? Time may not be on your side. Your Marriage Happiness may not come instantly but your marriage stress needs to fade away, before it’s replaced by bitterness. Once bitterness enters the relationship hopelessness soon follows and divorce soon after. Read more here, Help In Marriage, on getting back your marriage happiness.

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Will Your Marriage Survive Infidelity

It is not by chance that you have stumbled upon this posting regarding will your marriage survive infidelity. I can’t see you but I can see the tears rolling down your cheeks. I wish I could hold your hand and tell you that everything is going to be ok. If I did, I would be telling you a lie. I wouldn’t be able to say that because the next days, weeks, months and years will not be easy.  However, the journey you are on can end happily ever after.

Instead of wondering if your marriage can survive infidelity, you need to plan on your marriage surviving the pain, bitterness and loneliness. You need to turn the page on this chapter of your life and start moving forward. You can exchange the pain and bitterness you are feeling with joy and peace. You have to get rid of the negative thinking such as “I don’t know if my marriage will survive”. You should be instead wondering how great your marriage can still be.

Now, although I’m truly a believer that a positive attitude and approach to healing your broken marriage is the best route to take I’m not blind to reality and neither should you be. Not every marriage survives infidelity. You know first hand the struggle in trying to overcome the embarrassment and pain. The goods news is that many couples put the pieces of the puzzle back together again and are victorious. Is there any reason why you can’t be one of the over comers?

One of the factors that will influence your ability to survive the affair is;

Your Beliefs

  • Do you believe your spouse is truly remorseful or if you cheated do you believe you will ever be forgiven?
  • Do you believe it’s possible for your spouse to love you and have cheated on you?
  • Do you believe your marriage will ever be normal again?
  • Do you believe trust and love can replace distrust and bitterness?

What you and your spouse believe about your marriage and your future will influence your decision making. If you believe there is good left in your marriage you will be more likely to fight to restore your marriage. If you have lost hope in your marriage then you will more than likely be seeking revenge rather than restoration. There are some things you want to avoid doing during this difficult time, such as;

Shutting out your spouse for an extended period of time. A short break is ok to gather your thoughts and emotions. However, it will be hard to restore your marriage if you are not engaged with your spouse.

Trying to get even with your spouse. Two wrongs don’t make it right. Work with and not against your spouse.

Disclosing the affair to folks who have no need to know. It’s easy to spread the news via the internet and shame your spouse out of anger. Revenge will not expedite your marriage restoration.

Will your marriage survive infidelity? Please take the necessary steps to heal your broken heart and learn how to forgive. If you can, your life will be better, whether you decide to stay married or leave. If you need more guidance with dealing with infidelity, read more here; Dealing With Infidelity

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6 Worst Marriage Tips Of All Time

Do you need marriage tips? When you met your first love in elementary school there were no rules to follow but somehow you knew what to do. First you hid your emotions and only stared when he or she wasn’t looking. Then you perhaps asked a friend to find out what your chances were of making a connection. Then you dared to be brave and wrote an I love you note. Once your eyes were set on that individual, pursuit was part of your daily routine. Finally, you got an answer back and it was yes.

You may have observed others doing the same thing but you didn’t need any tips. Unfortunately everyone seems to be a relationship expert these days. You will get advice from people who have divorced, cheated, lied or mistreated their spouse. Yes it is possible to learn from others mistakes. You might get some good tips and possibly one or two bad ones. Just be careful where you get your advice from.

Here are the 6 worst marriage tips you will ever hear;

Start A Relationship With Someone Else – Some believe that if you aren’t happy find someone who can make you happy. Others may say if you make your spouse jealous he or she will appreciate you more.

Ignore Your Problems and They Will Go Away – Marriage problems are like a leaky faucet. The longer you ignore the leak the more damage it will cause. It’s a mistake to let you marriage issues go unresolved. Eventually they will ruin your marriage.

Bring Up Past Hurts To Win An Argument – You can win the argument but lose you partner for good.

Threaten To Get A Divorce – Do you really want someone around just because you threatened take them to court and one half of their belongings? Forced love is one that will be over before you know it.

Allow Others To Fight For You – If you have tried your best to make your marriage work I applaud your effort. Marriage is worth fighting for. However, if your friends, relatives or in-laws are trying harder than you are to save your marriage, it’s a lost cause.

Use Blackmail Tactics – Again, forcing your spouse to stay using blackmail is wrong and will only lasts as long as your spouse cares. Whatever secrets you threaten to disclose will one day no longer matter. The bitterness and resentment your spouse has built up will push you towards divorce.

There are more things you ought to avoid if you want your marriage to lasts. Read more reasonable approaches to fixing your marriage on; Help In Marriage

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Getting Your Husband To Love You Again

What’s so bad about getting your husband to love you again is that you never expected to need to. Now that your marriage is struggling and you have doubts that your husband cares, I know it’s a scary place to be. If you don’t feel loved then you aren’t loved. It’s important to take the necessary steps to get him to love you again so he doesn’t leave for good. You can’t stop him from leaving but you can make it a tough choice.

When is the last time you have put in good quality time? Quality time is extremely important and it doesn’t have to be lengthy or romantic. You just need to share some time with your husband where you both enjoy the time together. If all of your time is contentious and unpleasant it’s difficult to love again.

What’s more important to you, your spouse or work? You probably said your spouse but is that really true? Where do you spend your time after your work day ends? Do you stay late to get stuff done or do you hurry home to see and greet your loving husband? Make sure your husband is on the top of your priority list.

Look at how the negative affects your marriage? If your day, week or month is consumed with negative words, thoughts or actions towards your husband, he will never love you, unconditionally. Focus on what’s positive, fun and exiting. Don’t ignore the things that you are struggling with. Just don’t’ be more negative than positive.

Remember when you couldn’t wait to go see a movie and grab a bite to eat? What has stopped you from doing that now? I recommend that you pursue your husband’s love again. Make him want you all over again.

One of the things you should be wary of is Marriage Fatigue. That’s when you are so tired that you lose all interest in trying to save your marriage. You know you are tired when you stop caring about what happens to your marriage.

Make your husband fall in love all over again. Start dating, dress to impress, be kind, exiting and new. Let positive feelings displace negative ones. If you can do these simple things you will be well on your way to getting your husband to love you again.

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The Problem With Your Marriage Is?

Why is your marriage so blah? Is it you or is it your spouse? Do you feel loved or do you no longer feel like being loving? So many questions and so few answers, right? So what is the problem with your marriage?

Possible Problems With Your Marriage

  1. You are tired – Marriage, even good ones can be tiring at times. It takes work to have a good marriage and work can wear you out. The harder you work the more exhausted you become. After a certain point you need to take a break. Your marriage is no different. It’s a problem when you try to do anything when you are tired. It’s hard to drive, work or be productive at work when you are tired. It’s equally hard to be happily married when you are worn out.
  2. Your spouse is tired – I know it’s hard to believe it but your spouse might be tired of you or your ways. This can lead to attitudes, negative responses or distancing. If your spouse keeps space between you, it’s not healthy for your marriage.
  3. You are hopeless – To be happy in your marriage you need to have faith that the future is promising. If you see no point in working on your marriage because you don’t expect it to last, then you will do very little to build it up. It’s a serious marriage problem if you don’t have hope.
  4. Priorities are out of order – it’s pretty simple to pin point issues dealing with priorities. Just see where you spend your time, energy and money. If you and your spouse have different priorities you will be going in opposite directions.

These are just a few of the types of problems couples have to deal with. It’s easy to ignore or avoid problems for the sake of keeping the peace. However, most problems if left unresolved will grow until they are more complicated and have the potential to serious impact a marriage.

What’s important is that you know the problems in your marriage. I recommend that you work on fixing the problems that you have. You can’t change your spouse but you can change yourself. If you know that you can adjust some of your behavior, why not work on fixing your problems and let your spouse fix theirs? Be the best spouse you can be and let everything else, take care of itself.

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The Power Of Words To Help Your Marriage

Marriage can be either built up and strengthened by words or knocked down and torn apart by words. What you say to your spouse matters. What you hear from your spouse matters. It doesn’t matter if you say you could care less what your spouse says about you. You are not telling the truth about the matter. Trust me and please understand that there is power in your words so choose wisely. Help your marriage by choosing the right words.

Here are some phrases couples express to one another and how easy it is to make the communication more helpful than hurtful;

  • I don’t love you anymore or I feel disconnected from you!
  • I hate you or I hate the way our relationship is going!
  • I wish I had never gotten married or I wish I waited until I was ready to be a spouse!
  • You always put your job and friends ahead of me or I don’t think we are spending enough time together!
  • You don’t look as attractive to me as you used to or I like it when you get all dressed up to impress me!
  • You need to lose weight or I’m concerned about your health!

There are terms like idiot, stupid, jerk, dummy and many more harsh words that get tossed around in a lot of marriages. When harsh words are used, even in jest, it’s like getting hit in the head with a hammer. You keep pounding away and eventually the head will crack.

It’s the same with your marriage. If all of your communication involves negative words or comments then you are chipping away at your marriage. Before you know it a few years will pass and there will be nothing left but sarcasm, bitterness and unforgiveness.

You do have a choice though to help your marriage. Why not choose to be positive and say things in a way that gets the message across without tearing apart your marriage. Instead of saying I don’t love you anymore try saying we need to change some things so we can both be happy. Love is something you choose to do, not just a feeling you have! If you make the choice to love, your words should be move loving and less hating.

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Healing A Marriage After The Storm Has Passed

It’s ok to be struggling with healing a marriage after your trust has been snatched away. Depending on how serious the marital discourse is, the healing and restoration could take months or years. If you think it’s possible to be quickly healed from hurt and bitterness you are deceiving yourself.

Healing your marriage can begin as soon as you are convinced that the marriage stress has hit rock bottom. If you still feel as though more pain is on the way you can’t start the healing process. After you have been knocked down, it’s hard to get back up unless you are convinced that the punches will stop. What’s the point of trying to take steps forward in your marriage if in a week or so you will be knocked off your feet and have to start over?

Restoring a marriage is definitely possible. It happens every day and couples move forward together. Some couples start the rebuilding process slow and it takes years to finally have total trust restored. Before trust is restored the “F” word must be restored. That is forgiveness. Without forgiveness, healing a marriage that has been shattered into pieces is virtually impossible. If healing and restoration is going to happen, forgiveness will need to take place.

When Will Healing Take Place In The Marriage?

It’s hard to say exactly when healing will happen. For some couples, healing takes place right after forgiveness. For many other couples it takes a while before trust is restored. I believe healing will start once the following has occurred;

  1. Both individuals understand the what, when, where, why and how.
  2. Behavior is reflective of a desire to have a restored relationship.
  3. Trust that there will not be further pain endured.

Once you come to an understanding and have all of the questions honestly answered you have a good chance of moving forward. It’s hard to move forward when you still have so many questions.

Once you questions are resolved, your behaviors must show that you want to work things out. If you say you are willing to heal your marriage but your words and actions don’t line up, then you are just fooling yourself. Saying the right things but doing the wrong things will keep you from healing a broken marriage.

Finally, to move forward you must believe that you will not be crushed again. No one likes to deal with pain thus if you sense more pain coming, healing will not prevail. It will take a back seat and may keep you from restoring your marriage.

Healing a marriage is possible. Keep fighting and never give up.

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Saving My Marriage From Dying

Saving your marriage is the right thing to do. Anything you spent so much time and effort building deserves a chance to be rescued. Although you may feel like your marriage is already dead it can be restored. You might be looking for help on how to save a marriage after an affair or simply how you can save your marriage. The fact that you are looking for help means you still care. If you still care and want to save your marriage then your marriage still has a chance.

Saving my marriage was a priority for me and it’s not that it was dead but it was just ok. It’s very easy for an ok marriage to turn into a bad marriage. It’s possible to revive your marriage if it’s dead but it’s much easier to restore it if it’s still good.

With a marriage on the brink of divorce it’s critical that the spouses pause, take a deep breadth and take a step back. When you are heading full steam ahead towards a nasty divorce, it’s hard to save your marriage unless you really have a heart ready to be changed and do what’s necessary to reconcile your relationship.

One of the keys to saving your marriage is to accept responsibility for your role in breaking your marriage. I’m not saying you should blame yourself. However, you might have created some of the issues in your marriage that unfortunately have now come back to haunt you. If you know of any issues that you have caused and have yet to seek forgiveness for, now is the time to do so. Swallow your pride and apologize to make things right.

Saving your marriage is noble and I applaud you for it. Consider these 5 things as you begin to reclaim and restore your marriage.

  1. You don’t have to change your marriage only if your spouse is willing to do so. You can change yourself and the by-product of that change will be a changed relationship.
  2. Make your relationship a top priority in your life.
  3. Try not to fix all of your problems at once. It has taken time for those problems to grow. It will take time to see the harvest of your changes.
  4. Expect the unexpected when it comes to your relationship. Sometimes couples get on opposite pages and it takes time to get back onto the same page. Sometimes the more you try to fix your marriage the worse it seems to get. Don’t give up, you might be closer to a restoration than you know.
  5. Saving your marriage can impact generations to come.

Keeping your marriage together is possible. You must believe that it is possible and your actions must reflect your deeds. If you don’t believe your marriage can be saved, it won’t be.

Saving my marriage from dying was the best thing I ever did. Will you be saying the same thing? I hope so!

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Can A Marriage Survive An Affair?

If you are wondering can a marriage survive an affair I hope it’s just a fleeting thought and not something that you are contemplating or dealing with for real. If you are worried about your marriage and whether or not it is strong enough to survive an affair, you probably have a good reason to worry. However, instead of asking yourself can a marriage survive an affair perhaps the better question is, can your marriage survive an affair?

For some couples dealing with infidelity is an unfortunate part of their past, present and future. Surviving an affair is sort of like recovering from an addiction. You never truly can be sure if your recovery is permanent so you take it one day at a time. There is always a fear of a setback and thus rebuilding a marriage after infidelity can be difficult to say the least. However, restoring a marriage after an affair is very much possible as proven by millions of happy couples.

Can Your Marriage Be Perfect After An Affair?

The simple answer is no. Your marriage will not be perfect after adultery has occurred. However, your marriage also was not perfect before infidelity entered into the marriage. No marriage is, was or will ever be perfect. It just so happens that the pain and suffering that infidelity produces is so great it’s hard to lump in with ordinary marriage problems.

Surviving An Affair

  1. Be honest with yourself and your spouse.
  2. Don’t make emotional decisions.
  3. Rely on advice from people you trust and respect. Just because you trust someone with the intimate details about the affair, don’t assume that they have the right advice for your situation.
  4. Consider the risks of leaving and the risk of staying and move forward with the choice you make.
  5. Give yourself enough time to think things through. Your future will be determined by the decision you make today. Make an informed and wise choice if you can.
  6. Don’t let your cheating spouse’s actions make you feel ashamed of your marriage. Every marriage is just one mistake away from being in the same boat you are in.
  7. Take a look into the future and visualize what a restored and healed relationship could be like for you.
  8. Confront all of your emotions and the infidelity. Don’t hide from it or try to shut it out. Embrace the emotions, deal with them and then over time kick them to the curb.
  9. Take baby steps until you are able to walk and then run.
  10. Believe that a marriage can survive an affair.

There are some really good steps to take when dealing with an affair. There are also so very poor decisions you can make. The key to recovering from an affair is to make more good decisions than bad and also, taking command of the problem. If you don’t control it, it will control you.

Can a marriage survive an affair? Yours can, right!

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