Marriage Struggles – 3 Struggles That Make Your Marriage Miserable

Marriage struggles can be a pain in the, you know what sometimes. For someone who has to deal with difficult people during the day just to get home and wrestle with marriage issues, it makes life tough. Do you feel like you are in a battle for your marriage? You are not alone so don’t think you are. Many couples struggle in dealing with their marriage issues. Don’t give up on your marriage. I have been at it 35 years and still haven’t mastered it. Still learning how to get things right. Give thought to these marriage struggles and tips.

marriage help

Marriage Struggles Stink!

Bad or Non-existent Communication

Communication is probably the most important aspect of any marriage. It’s also one of the most difficult and challenging aspects because of assumptions. All it takes is for one spouse to interpret words or actions the wrong way and small marriage issues can blow up and become marriage breakers.

I can tell you with absolute certainty that you or your spouse have probably been wrong once or twice when it comes to understanding what was being communicated. For example, have you ever been mad at your spouse because of something you thought he or she said or didn’t say? It goes something like this, “I thought you didn’t care anymore because you never tell me that you love me “.

Although you never said you no longer love your spouse, because you don’t say it, it’s perceived that you no longer love. You might be baffled by the accusation that you no longer love, but you shouldn’t be.

I recommend that you communicate what you feelings are and show them by your actions. Let your love for your spouse be evident in your actions and deeds.

Non-existent Intimacy

intimacy marriage strugglesMarriage struggles have a way of putting intimacy on the back burner. Sure the flame is still on but the fire burns dimly. If you want to keep your marriage strong and vibrant, work on being intimate, even if you have to plan it out. If you don’t plan on being intimate you will fail at it. You spend time planning your day, week or month so why not include intimacy in your plan.

Ask yourself two simple questions at least once a week, maybe on a Sunday evening;

  • What did I do last week to help keep intimacy in my marriage?
  • What can I do this week to help keep intimacy in my marriage?

If you don’t think about being intimate guess what? You won’t be. Don’t let life get in the way of your marriage. Life will go on with or without you but your marriage wont.

Too Much or Too Little Work

This is a little vague but on purpose. Do you work at your job harder than you work at your marriage? Do you spend enough time working and thus keep money issues out of your marriage? Is it possible that you spend too much time trying to make your spouse happy that you are making yourself miserable?

If I can sum things up you need to make sure you have balance in your life. Work, family and leisure time balance. Too much time and energy spent on one area of your life might cause issues in other due to neglect. When you have balance you will have marital bliss.

I hope these tips are helpful to you and your spouse. Don’t neglect your partner and your marriage will not just survive but thrive.

Best wishes to you and yours!

Posted in Help In Marriage | Leave a comment

Marriage Issues That Could Lead To Divorce

In every marriage there are issues to deal with from time to time. Sometimes you have unresolved marriage issues that could lead to divorce. It’s a shame that for the most part we all know what we should do to have a great marriage but often times we fail miserably at doing the right things at the right time.

I’ve put together a short list below of marriage issues that could lead to a divorce. This in no way is a complete list. It’s just a few things you need to avoid if you want a better marriage or help fixing a broken marriage.

To Avoid Marriage issues that could lead to divorce, Don’t…..

1. Don’t shut down and shut up
I know when you are living in a very stressful marriage it’s easy to want to close your heart and your mind and ignore your spouse. However, if you are not willing to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse, how can anything be accomplished?

You have a choice to make as it pertains to your marriage. Do you continue to let past experiences control you or wipe the slate clean and begin anew?

I realize that avoiding your spouse may give you peace of mind but the longer you let things remain broken the harder it will be to fix them.

It’s clear to me that shouldn’t let to much time past before you start communicating with your spouse. Have you ever heard of “out of sight, out of mind”. Your spouse needs to know that there is hope. The only way for him/her to know that you still care is that you show it. If you or your spouse becomes hopeless, you may be heading to divorce court.

2. Don’t expect your spouse to be your source of joy
Don’t expect your spouse to fill you with joy and peace all the time. It’s an unrealistic expectation to have and you will be let down. If you’re on an emotional roller coaster based on how your spouse behaves then you will be frustrated and at times resentful. Of course you should expect to be loved, respected and in-turn treat your spouse the same. However, don’t expect your spouse to bring joy and happiness to your life every single day.

3. Don’t withhold intimacy
It’s very common for couples to go through seasons in their marriage where they are at odds. How couples respond to disagreements for the most part will determine how their marriage will fair.

When things are not going so well, some spouses hold back as a form of getting back at their spouse. Some withhold money, some time, some information and some intimacy.

Don’t withhold things that are essential to keeping your marriage strong, like intimacy.

I know it’s hard to be intimate when you are having issues. However, it’s not good practice to withhold intimacy as you could be sending the wrong message to your spouse. Your intention might be to punish. The result could be rejection by your spouse who may in turn be seeking acceptance from someone else.

I can tell you that sometimes infidelity occurs when intimacy is being withheld in a marriage. I’m not telling you this to scare you. I just recommend that you consider the risk anytime you withhold things from your spouse.

I have listed some marriage issues that could lead to divorce in hopes that you will carefully consider the impact these actions could have on your marriage. You need to be considerate of not only your needs but your spouse’s as well. Both of you have to work together to keep your marriage healthy, vibrant and long lasting. I hope this helps!

Posted in Help In Marriage | Leave a comment

Dealing With Husbands Betrayal

Dear Dave: Dealing with my husbands betrayal is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I can’t eat or sleep or even concentrate at work. I have done everything that I know to do to try and move forward but I just can’t. I take two steps forward and two steps back. Sometimes I don’t know if I love him or hate him for betraying our sacred vows. My husband sometimes makes me feel like I pushed him into having an affair by my actions and I sometimes wonder if I played a role in my husband’s betrayal. What do you think I should do?

Sincerely,

Hurting From Husband’s Betrayal, Concord NC

Dear Hurting From Husband’s Betrayal: There are many who believe that you can never really forgive a spouse who cheats on you or if you do it will be short lived. There are others who believe it’s best to end the marriage once infidelity is discovered. The good news is that it doesn’t matter what others think. What matters is that you take all of the steps important to you to heal your broken heart and marriage.

The following tips should help with dealing with husbands betrayal.

  1. Take it one day at a time until you can look ahead. Don’t try to resolve your broken marriage all at once. It most likely took years to build the good marriage you once had. It only took one incident to tear it apart. Don’t think that you have to get it all back at once. Take the necessary time to restore your marriage. If you try to rush to get back your dream marriage you may be disappointed, frustrated and give up.
  2. Don’t compare your situation to others. You may find yourself trying to compare your husband’s betrayal and your marital situation to someone else you know or a marriage you have read about on the internet. Keep in mind that every couple dealing with infidelity has a unique situation. Sure the actions are very similar and even the reasons for cheating might be comparable. However, because you two are unique individuals, your incident of betrayal is unique. It’s ok to understand other couples journey towards healing, don’t get caught up expecting your path to be exactly the same as others.
  3. Move forward and not backwards. It’s important to make positive choices when it comes to trying to heal your broken heart. You need to determine what’s helpful and what’s hurtful to you marriage at this point. For example, if you have the desire to try and work things out with your husband does it make sense to put him out of the house or just out of the bedroom for now? Putting him in another room gives you a sense of separation to let you sort things out. Putting him out of the house may just push him back into his lover’s arms.
  4. Be open about the future. It’s important that you be open about the possibility of trusting again, loving again and being happily married again. If you don’t entertain those thoughts your actions will limit your ability to restore and heal your broken marriage.

I realize that dealing with your husband’s betrayal is extremely painful and not something your life experiences have prepared you for. It’s easy to say or think you know how you will handle infidelity until it really happens to you. I’m sorry you have to deal with your husband’s infidelity. You deserve better.

I’m rooting for you and your husband and hope that your next letter is one that announces your victorious overcoming of your husband’s betrayal.

Posted in Help In Marriage | Leave a comment

Tips For A Successful Marriage

The following tips for a successful marriage will probably help most couples if they really want help. Unfortunately not all spouses want to save their marriage. For one reason or another they would rather see their marriage end than put in the work required to restore it. I don’t know if any or all of the tips listed below will save your marriage. However, I’m convinced that if you do and say the right things, you will have a much better chance of keeping your marriage together.

Tips to help build and keep a successful marriage

  1. Be present for your spouse. It’s so easy to take your spouse for granted after being married for a number of years. I have read that familiarity breeds content. When you are content with your marriage you might stop trying to make it better. It’s easy to start to tune out your spouse and not be present. Sure you might live in the same house but if you are not careful you will be present physically but not mentally or emotionally. Your spouse can find any body to be there physically. Be present so you don’t lose the emotional connection.
  1. Don’t break your marital trust. For most couples who don’t enter their marriage with a lot of premarital issues, trust is automatically in the relationship. For the most part, unless one person is very insecure there is an assumption of trust present. Then the trust is either strengthened or weakened over time. It doesn’t take more than one incident to wipe out years of built trust. Every attempt must be made to keep trust in the relationship if you want to have a successful marriage.
  1. Keep things interesting. It’s important to make time for doing things you enjoy doing together. If you can have fun together you will enjoy being around each other. It’s hard to have a successful marriage if you don’t enjoy each others company. You know you have work to do if your spouse entering a room or calling you is viewed as an annoyance rather than a blessing.
  1. Pay attention to your warning signs. Marriage is like traveling down the road sometimes. When you’re on the road you see signs posted to warn you of potential danger ahead. You also get to see some warning signs in your marriage. For example, if your spouse consistently gravitates to another room whenever you are around, it might be a signal that you are making him or her miserable. Try to figure out where things are going wrong and you will have a good chance of keeping a good marriage.
  1. Be considerate to your soul mate. You may not always understand or agree with your partner’s point of view but try to be considerate of his or her feelings. You can win every argument and feel good about your self but at some point you may drive your spouse away. Consider the fact that having a strong spouse will help you have a successful marriage. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong and acknowledge your spouse when he or she is correct. Your spouse will appreciate your consideration and your marriage will be better for it.

I realize that your marriage may be struggling or possibly on the verge of collapsing. There are so many steps you can take to have a successful marriage. Are you tired of fighting over and over again trying to keep your marriage together? Please know that your marriage can improve. You and your spouse just need to first weather the storm you are in and second do some things differently to chart a new course for your marriage. You chart a new course by learning some new ways of thinking, interacting and put into practice what you know is right. You can’t just read about tips for a successful marriage. You have to act on what you read. Good luck!

Posted in Help In Marriage | Tagged | Leave a comment

Dealing With The Pain Of Infidelity

The agony and suffering involved with dealing with the pain of infidelity is unbearable to be honest. No one does well with coping with an affair. Sure, I see people often times go about their business as if everything is fine. However, I know the turmoil that is burning on the inside. If you are suffering because of a selfish cheating partner, take heart that this great pain that you are experiencing doesn’t have to define the rest of your life. Pain may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.

Please forgive me for introducing the term “joy” when you are experiencing anything but joy at this time. It’s a biblical verse that I believe in and I want you to know that peace and restoration is possible for you. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel but trust me many others have traveled down the same road you are on. If you follow the right path, things will get better.

Help With The Pain Of Infidelity

You obviously have some serious decisions to make because of the broken trust in your relationship. What I encourage folks to do is not make any long term impacting decisions until a good amount of time has passed. For example, immediately filing for divorce upon finding out about the cheating is not the best step to take, in my humble opinion. Your anger, resentment and hate for the whole messy situation may be clouding your ability to make rash decisions. I understand the desire to relieve your pain. However, just because you separate it won’t immediately end your pain regarding the infidelity. It’s a short term solution to a long term issue.

I recommend that you take no legal action until you have done the following;

  • Attempted to reconcile your broken relationship
  • Communicated openly and honestly with your cheating partner about the affair and get all of your questions answered
  • Decided what it will take for you to forgive your spouse
  • Forgive your spouse for cheating if all of the things you need to happen do indeed take place
  • Made a commitment to yourself that you won’t take actions to get even with your cheating spouse, as tempting as that may be

I can’t lie to you and tell you that everything will be ok. Infidelity in many cases leads to separation and divorce. However, that’s not every case and it’s not your marriage. You and your cheating spouse have an opportunity to start over. I admit that your marriage will never be the same. It can still be great. You just need to get past the current pain and suffering, and then work on healing and restoring trust.

Recovering from the pain of infidelity is only possible if you want it and allow it to happen. I know it’s possible and I hope you have enough faith to try to work things out. Please move forward with your healing and don’t get stuck too long on reliving the past. Please read more here if you need more guidance on Dealing With Infidelity.

Posted in Help In Marriage | Tagged | Leave a comment

How To Fix A Marriage

I’m sorry that you are in need of information regarding how to fix a marriage. Unfortunately too many families are struggling with how to fix a broken marriage and keep their family together. My parents were not able to avoid divorce but I hope and pray that you and your spouse can. I hope the following information will help you with some ideas on how to fix your marriage.

I wish that it was as simple as fixing a broken car when it comes to dealing with a failing marriage. With a car you have quite a few options to diagnose and fix the problem. Sometimes you can look at a car or listen to it as it is running and have a pretty good idea what’s wrong with it. If that doesn’t work you can simply plug in one of those devices into the cigarette lighter and interpret a bunch of codes to see where the problem is. If only it was that easy with how to fix a marriage in trouble.

However, what if you could hook spouses up to a fancy machine like a lie detector gadget and have it give you the answers to solve your marriage problems? For example, let’s say you both get wired up and attempt to resolve the following 2 problems.

How To Fix A Marriage – Problems & Solutions

Marriage Problem # 1

You no longer can relate to one another

Marriage Solution # 1

Stop tuning each other out. The most likely reason why you can’t relate anymore is because you stopped listening to each other years ago. Instead of listening your brains are trying to figure out how to steer the conversation the way you want it to go so you can get what you want or have your way. Start to really listen and interact instead of react towards each other. You will be amazed at the improvement listening can make to a relationship.

Marriage Problem # 2

Intimacy has been lost in your relationship

Marriage Solution # 2

Intimacy just like loving each other is a decision. I’m sure you can agree that most people don’t want to go to work everyday but for the most part they do. They may not be thrilled about it but they find the will power to keep getting up and going in. They have a choice and choose to keep going in, because they want to keep their job. The same thing can be said about intimacy. Once you make the decision to improve your intimacy, you just have to do it, what ever “It” is to you.

The first step is to agree that you need to be more intimate. The next step is to decide 3 or 4 things that will make you feel more intimate, as a couple. The final step is to start doing those things and hold each other accountable when they are not being done.

There are so many steps you can take to figure out how to fix a marriage. There are a few more articles I have written, with slightly different tips on how to fix your marriage on this site. Please take your time and read through them. I’m confident that you will find a few steps you can take to make your marriage and life just a little bit better.

Posted in Help In Marriage | Tagged , | Leave a comment

How To Fix A Broken Relationship After Lying

Learning how to fix a broken relationship after lying or deceptive behavior has occurred is complicated if we want to be honest. Any relationship will struggle to survive if trust has been broken. It doesn’t matter if it’s infidelity, finances, relationships, or a hidden dependency. The good news is that relationships can be restored even if the lying has caused frustration and pain between two people who once had the utmost love and trust for each other.

If you want to get through a broken relationship after lying has occurred, it’s vital that you work together to find out what each person needs to grow closer together and regain the broken trust.

Learning How To Fix A Broken Relationship After Lying

Here are some key points you may need to discuss or agree upon in trying to erase the misleading or deceptive behavior.

  • Recognize that this is an anxious time and because of the lying it is necessary to offer reassurances until trust is restored.
  • Spend more time together, with each other, and with the family. This will help put your priorities and relationship back into balance.
  • Spend time connecting with each other and work on rebuilding your verbal, physical and sexual intimacy with words, actions and questions.
  • Resist the temptation to push for the relationship to heal faster. Recovering from a pattern of lying or deception takes time. If you pretend that the wounded heart has been repaired and it hasn’t your relationship will continue to struggle.
  • If the lying or deceptive behavior can be linked to a group of friends or a person, don’t contact or associate with your lover’s/drug using/drinking/gambling circle of friends or relatives.
  • Make your cell phone, bank statements, credit card statements and email accounts available to each other. Trust is more than words it’s actions.
  • Do not keep private accounts or secrets; share these no matter how much you are concerned about your partner’s response. Trust that you will be treated with respect.

Please keep in mind that it will take both of you to overcome lying or mistrust issues. The lying one must behave in such a way to earn the right to be trusted again. Once the behavior has changed, the one who has been lied to must begin to trust again.

Lying unfortunately is a part of life and relationships. Hopefully with a relationship that is improving instead of deteriorating, you can and should overcome trust issues. If you need additional insight into overcoming broken trust, please see here; Dealing With Broken Trust

Posted in Help In Marriage | Tagged | Leave a comment

3 Tips To Make Your Valentines Day Special

This Valentines Day could be the turning point of your relationship. If it goes well, your relationship could go to the next level. If it goes poorly, you could be spending the next few months trying to figure out how to keep your relationship from ending.

There is a lot of pressure to make this lover’s day special. If you go to just about any store you’ll see hearts and flowers and lots of chocolate. It’s impossible to not feel the pressure to make it a joyous occasion. So how do you figure out how to make the day a special one? The following tips should get you started in the right direction.

Tip #1 To Make Your Valentines Day Special

Don’t get the same old thing that you got last year. It’s easy to settle on what you feel your partner or spouse likes. Resist the temptation to go with the easiest and safest gift. Your partner or spouse probably likes to be surprised every now and then. Why not get something that your partner would be surprised about? It doesn’t have to be costly, just thoughtful.

If you get stuck and resort to a gift you gave the last year or two, then deliver it in a different way. If it’s going out to dinner, make it a surprise dinner. Perhaps go out on the 13th instead of the 14th. If it’s flowers or a gift, maybe have it delivered. Anything that you can do to show that you have given some thought to it will be a plus.

Tip #2 To Make Your Valentines Day Special

Don’t get your partner something he or she won’t like. For example, if your partner thinks flowers are a waste of time and money, it makes no sense to buy flowers. The same is true about buying anything that you know will not be received well. If your partner gets something that is deemed a waste of money he/she may assume that you really don’t care. If you are getting a gift, don’t get the wrong one.

Tip #3 To Make Your Valentines Day Special

Make sure you don’t get into any big disagreements a few days before Valentines Day. You will not be able to turn on the romance on Valentines Day if you are still fighting the day before or the morning of. I’m not suggesting that you ignore stuff or even pretend that everything is great. I’m suggesting that you put aside the negative thoughts, words or behaviors and celebrate the relationship. You owe it to your partner to make this day special.

I know relationships have their ups and downs. I hope that on this Valentines Day your relationship is having an up moment and is special.

Posted in Help In Marriage | Tagged | Leave a comment

Forgive Cheating Husband

Are you wondering if you can ever forgive your cheating husband? If you can’t forgive your cheating husband now don’t panic. No one really ever knows how long it will take to forgive infidelity. If you are recovering from a cheating partner don’t think it will be less painful because you aren’t married. Cheating hurts, whether it’s by your husband or your partner.

I want to forgive my husband for cheating but I can’t bring myself to do it. Does that sound like you? It’s hard to forgive and I can relate to that. I know the last thing on your mind is forgiving your husband for cheating and letting him feel like everything is ok. I know you may not feel like forgiving your husband but I strongly recommend that you do. Forgiving your husband will release him and also free you. Let me explain;

Forgiving your husband for cheating will not give him an excuse to keep cheating. If you never forgive your husband he may rationalize that since your marriage is in the dumps it’s ok for him to see others. It’s in your best interest to find a way to forgive him so he can’t say you pushed him into the arms of his lover. Yes, he made the mistake of cheating but in his selfish mind he will blame you for his actions.

Forgiving your husband will also give you peace and closure regarding the affair. You may never get back together with your husband but by forgiving him you are declaring your freedom. You can release the bitterness, anger and frustration you have been carrying around since finding out about the affair.

Now, keep in mind that forgiving your cheating husband does not mean that everything is ok now. There is a long road ahead and I’d like to say that it’s a bumpy road. However, if you are willing to work on your marriage, you can recover from your husband’s cheating.

I truly hope that you find a way to at least be patient and resilient enough to give yourself time and an opportunity to restore your relationship. Although dealing with infidelity is very difficult there is no reason to believe you can’t forgive and love again.

Finally, please take the necessary steps to heal your broken heart and learn how to forgive. If you can, your life will be better, whether you decide to stay married or leave. Again, for help in getting through this difficult experience, read more here; Infidelity In Marriage

Posted in Help In Marriage | Tagged | Leave a comment

9 Tips For Improving Your Marriage Starting Today

Are you missing something in your marriage like friendship, intimacy or trust? For some couples it’s no longer a question of if they will get divorced but when. For other couples the marriage is neither good nor bad but rather indifferent. For the last group of individuals the marriage is over. Where does your marriage fall and could you use 9 tips for improving your marriage?

Listed below are the 9 tips you should consider to try to help your marriage improve:

1) Stop criticizing things your spouse says and does
2) Respect your spouse in public and in private
3) Don’t expect your spouse to fill your every need
4) Keep the past in the past and try to live today and for the future
5) Seek forgiveness from your spouse for things you have done wrong
6) Forgive your spouse for his or her wrong doings
7) Do something good (words or deeds) for your spouse at least once per day
8) Be attentive when interacting with your spouse (turn away from the phones, computers, tablets and other gadgets) and show a genuine interest toward your spouse
9) Listen

You may have noticed that not one of the tips noted have anything to do with your spouse making any changes. I offered no suggestions on how to get your spouse to do things your way. There are no insights on how to make your spouse stop doing things that annoy you. I rarely offer such advice because it’s generally a waste of time. Your spouse will change once you change the atmosphere of your marriage.

If you really want to improve your marriage, I believe you need to focus on the things that you can control. You can choose to continue to go to war each day with your spouse or you can change your strategy and offer kindness instead of bitterness. You can choose to be peaceful or angry over every little thing.

Improving your marriage is very possible. You might feel like giving up but please don’t. Your marriage is worth fighting for and you must give it your all. I know it’s hard but hang in there. You are climbing up the rough side of the mountain. It gets easier when you focus on the most important things in your marriage. For more information, please see here; Click Here!

Posted in Help In Marriage | Tagged , | Leave a comment