Healing And Surviving His Affair

Not many women are equipped emotionally to deal with their husband’s affair. The initial hearing of the news knocks you off your feet so hard you can’t imagine getting back up. The sad truth is that some couples don’t make it. Surviving his affair is difficult but not impossible. You should take heart that over 80% of couples stay together after an affair. Healing of your broken heart and fractured marriage is definitely possible if that’s what you and your husband desire.

For some reason husbands cheat more between the ages of 35 to 54 and after being married for 6 years or more. I don’t think there is any known reasoning behind those stats but it just happens to be so.

I’m sure you have more questions than answers about your husband’s infidelity. Listed below are a few of the common questions wives have after their husband has cheated;

  1. Why won’t my husband share the details?
  2. Will he cheat again?
  3. Why did he do it?
  4. Will our relationship ever get back to the way it was before?
  5. Should I stay or should we get a divorce?

Let’s explore some of the questions noted above.

Why won’t my husband share the details?

It’s an embarrassing and awkward situation your husband has gotten himself into. On the one hand he wants to work through the affair. On the other hand he probably believes that the less he talks about the affair the quicker it will go away and your marriage can move forward. What he most likely doesn’t realize is that you need closure before any healing can occur.

Will he cheat again?

This is one of the questions that will stay with you for a long time. It will become less of an issue as you learn to trust him again. My experience has been that once you have overcome your fears you will not be consumed with wondering if your husband will cheat again. By that I mean if you are doing your best to make your marriage work and keep your husband fulfilled, you won’t worry about him cheating.

Why did he do it?

You probably know deep down inside why he cheated. Trust your gut feeling when it comes to why your husband cheated. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just one thing that led him to having an affair but rather a number of issues. Sometimes it’s just a selfish mindset that will lead a husband to have an affair or in many cases a sense of entitlement.

Will our relationship ever get back to the way it was before?

The short answer is that it certainly can. Millions of couples have overcome infidelity and there is no reason to believe that your marriage can’t. You can have a better marriage than you had before the affair.

Should I stay or should we get a divorce?

At the very least you should try to work things out. No one except you can answer this question. Don’t make a quick irrational emotional decision. Take your time and try to heal your broken heart before you decide what to do.

Healing is a requirement if you want to survive an affair. Your husband must repent and turn from his hurtful selfish behavior. You will need to be practical and patient during this difficult time. In the end you want to know that you did your part to heal your broken marriage.

Time alone will not heal your marriage. However, taking the proper actions will help you heal and survive your husband’s affair.

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3 Changes To Make If You Wish To Save Your Marriage

Do you really want to save your marriage or do you want to simply avoid the embarrassment of being divorced? For some spouses if they could quietly end the marriage they would do so in a heart beat. If you aren’t ready to end your marriage, why not make some changes to save your marriage? I mean if you have to stay together, why not make it fun, loving and interesting again?

I’m offering you 3 simple changes you can make, starting today that can help you keep your marriage together. These suggestions aren’t mind blowing or earth shattering. However, if what you have tried thus far isn’t working why not give these three suggestions a try?
Save Your Marriage – Tip # 1

Don’t argue with your spouse for 90 days. Take a 90 day sabbatical from fighting, yelling at, name calling or bad mouthing your spouse. Take time to retrain your mind and change your attitudes. We are all creatures of habit. We do the things we are accustomed to do. If you have been snipping and nitpicking your spouse on a daily basis it’s hard to stop. If you really want to save your marriage and avoid separation or divorce, take a break for 90 days.

It’s important that your words and actions line up. You also should be kind, pleasant and respectful to your spouse. It won’t help your marriage if you say nice things but do mean stuff. Your actions will speak louder than your words.

Save Your Marriage – Tip # 2

Live in the present not the past. If you want to move forward and have a great marriage you have to let go of past offenses. I know it might feel good to have your spouse feel guilty about some past behaviors. It can make you feel victorious. However, you have to make a choice. Do you win all of the arguments but lose your spouse forever or do you forgive past offenses and move forward? It’s a simple choice if you ask me.

Save Your Marriage – Tip # 3

Plan your marriage restoration. As I mentioned above, habits are hard to break. If you had a habit of ignoring your spouse or taking the opposite side of every issue, it will take a lot of work to change your behavior. One way to do it is to start off planning your actions. Why not look ahead and plan on winning your spouse back.

For example, you can schedule time to call your spouse or do kind acts for your spouse. Think about how you can make your spouses’ day go better. Once you figure that out just make plans to get it done.

The above save your marriage tips are just a few simple steps you can take to save your marriage. Just imagine how stress free your marriage can be in 90 days. Whatever you do don’t give up on your marriage. For more tips on how to save your marriage, see here;
Save Your Marriage

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Why Dealing With Infidelity Is So Hard

Why dealing with infidelity is so hard is not something you want to be thinking about. However, dealing with infidelity may be one of the hardest obstacles you will ever face in life. It’s not as bad a losing a loved one but its right up there. There are a few things in life that result in great emotional pain and stress and dealing with an affair is one of them. I have some thoughts on why dealing with infidelity is very hard as outlined below.

Why Dealing With Infidelity Is So Hard

why dealing with infidelity is so hard

Dealing With Infidelity Is Hard

Trust is easy to gain in a marriage but extremely difficult to get back when it’s lost. For most couples the marriage takes place based on blind trust. There is for the most part no opportunity to build up trust in the relationship. There is perceived love and based on that perception trust is present in the relationship. The problem is usually the trust was given but not earned. It’s like a bubble just waiting to burst. As soon as the infidelity happens that thin bubble pops and it’s very hard to repair it. Replace the bubble with a broken heart. Once your heart is crushed, its hard to forgive and trust the person who has betrayed you.

Recovering from infidelity requires you to be able to look pass the offense and communicate effectively about the past, present and future. At some point you will need to sit-down and discuss the affair. All of the relevant details must be discussed. I’m not talking about the physical aspects of the affair but the emotional ones. During the communicating sessions there must be honest/open conversations. You must be ready to talk and not argue or fight about the affair. If you are not ready to have civil conversations about the affair, dealing with infidelity might not end successfully.

Restoring a certain level of trust is necessary to deal successfully with infidelity. You have to trust that you can be honest and open. If you can’t have a candid conversation that ends in a positive manner, it will be hard to start the healing process. It’s also hard to recover from infidelity if lying is going on during the restoration process. Although it will be hard to do, you must respect each other. Healing will happen as long as you and your spouse don’t get in the way.

Dealing with infidelity requires deciding what the future will hold. Do you want a future together or would you rather fight over the next 12 months focusing on the pain and destructive behavior? It’s really a choice you need to make. Focus on the past or the future. Work on repaying your spouse or re-igniting the romance with your spouse.

I have no doubt in my mind that you can find success in dealing with infidelity. You will not be the first ones to overcome cheating in a relationship. However, you can be like millions of others who have recovered from an affair. You will no longer be wondering why dealing with infidelity is so hard.

I’m very sorry if you are in the midst of dealing with infidelity. I don’t take lightly the difficulties and challenges you are facing. Please understand and believe that your relationship can be healed. It doesn’t mean that your marriage will necessarily survive the affair. However, with a healed heart and a forgiving spirit you have a good chance of overcoming the cheating. For more guidance on getting past the affair, see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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Flirting – The Dangerous Game Of Flirting

flirtingFlirting might make your heart flutter when you flirt with a beautiful person and you get the reaction you didn’t expect. You wink your eye and get back a smile. Perhaps you smile and get an extended smile and a stare in return. What happens next is where danger starts to enter the picture. Do you turn and walk away or make the next move in the flirting game?

You might flirt 100 times a year and only get a response 1 out of 100 times. So what’s the harm in flirting you might be thinking to yourself? Well, what happens if that 1 person is looking for more than just an innocent flirt like response? What if a phone number accompanies the flirt? Do you continue the fun and dial the number? If the person picks up do you start talking to the person?

The problem with flirting is that what often times starts out as something fun to do can lead you down a slithering road toward an affair and possibly a break-up. It has happened to people in the past and will happen to folks in the future.

Temptation is powerful and has taken down some of the greatest and wisest individuals who ever lived. We are all tempted to do what is not right. It’s a part of human nature. Regardless of what lies we tell ourselves, we know right from wrong. It’s what we do with the temptation that matters. However, just when you think you are strong enough to resist temptation, you find yourself failing.

To me flirting is like starting a fire. Why light a match for no reason. There is no good to come of it. There can be a lot of harm done lighting matches and not properly putting out the match. In fact, a disaster can occur if you are not careful. It’s the same with flirting. Flirting can easily lead to an affair. Here’s why it’s dangerous.

Flirting

  1. You will feel good when someone responds to your flirt.
  2. That feeling will dominate your inner being and you will enjoy the feeling.
  3. Your mind, body and soul will crave more of that good feeling.
  4. You will more than like seek more of that feeling.
  5. Flirting will soon fail to satisfy your craving and thus you will be tempted to take the next step.
  6. Temptation will keep luring you in until you have gone too far.
  7. You will regret ever flirting.

I know you are probably laughing thinking this will never happen to you. You are to wise and strong willed, right? Well, that’s exactly how one ex United States President thought. There is a pretty famous Golfer who felt that way. Oh yeah, there are countless movies stars, athletes, politicians etc. who have fallen to temptation.

So, in summary, please understand the risk involved with flirting. What might seem like fun at the time is opening the door for unwanted issues to creep into your relationship and life.

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Why Some Marriages Fall Apart Quickly

Ever wonder why some marriages fall apart? Marriages just like people can be fickle at times. Changes occur over a period of time but can also happen quickly. Circumstances change people and people change marriages. There are many things that couples deal with which have the ability to change the dynamics of their relationship. In some instances the change is positive but in many situations the change has a negative affect on the marriage.

There are a few issues in life that can quickly break-up a marriage. One of the obvious issues that come to mind is infidelity. You don’t have to be a genius to understand why such a betrayal of trust can result in a failed marriage. You also will find that physical and mental abuse has the ability to ruin a marriage. Unfortunately for some abusive situations the mistreatment goes on far too long.

It’s easy to look at the big marital issues and make an assumption about what happened. Then there are those marriage break-ups where you scratch you head and wonder why? You are left wondering what happened when you would never have guessed that certain couples’ marriage would end.

For the most part marriages don’t fall apart overnight. There is a reason why some marriages fall apart quickly. There are years of becoming disengaged and falling apart. You will find over the years common interest seem to diminish. It could be that the kids are all grown up or perhaps aging parents no longer around. Maybe an employment situation has changed and now that there is more time to examine your marriage, you realize that you are not longer happy.

Why Some Marriages Fall Apart – Signs Of A Troubled Marriage

• Little or no intimacy
• Poor or failure to communicate
• Bickering over unimportant matters
• Avoidance of being alone
• Disconnected
• Spending more time on social media than with each other
• Sharing feelings, thoughts and dreams with someone other than your spouse
• Living life as if you were single
• Putting the interest of others ahead of your spouse

Marriage problems are normal. Marriage problems left unattended will grow into serious marriage obstacles. Marriage obstacles become harder to overcome as time goes by. In fact, at some point couples lose interest in trying to fix their marriage problems and that’s when the end is near. Unfortunately there is often times pain that is endured before the marriage is over. In some cases there is infidelity or verbal abuse involved.

If you are worried about your marriage or if you know someone struggling to keep their marriage afloat, please read more here; Saving Your Marriage

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Marriage Infidelity – 3 Things Every Spouse Needs To Understand

Marriage infidelity is ugly, disgusting and heartbreaking, among other things. It doesn’t take a counselor, therapist or psychiatrist to tell you how disruptive it is to a relationship and family. Having an affair is easy to do. There are plenty of single and married folks interested in committing adultery with you, if you are willing. In fact, some folks take great pleasure in breaking up a marriage or relationship.

There is nothing that compares to marriage infidelity. Sure financial struggles can put great strain on a marriage. It’s no fun arguing day in and day out over who spent what or on who wants to buy what. Children can also put stress on a marriage or relationship. However, dealing with infidelity is on an island by itself. There is so much pain and anger that sometimes speaking about it is almost impossible. Cheating robs the mind and soul of all it has.

If you are reading this article, I’m guessing that you are married or thinking about getting married. Please don’t let infidelity ruin your perspective on marriage or relationships. Infidelity doesn’t have to be a part of your future. If you have committed adultery or are worried about the love of your life cheating on you, I have noted 3 things that I believe you need to understand about infidelity.

1st Understanding Of Marriage Infidelity

Marriage infidelity can be avoided with just a little bit of common sense and perspective. I know some people who state they are not sure how they fell into an adulterous relationship. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s going to happen if you have constant interaction with an attractive individual who makes you feel good.

It has something to do with physical attraction but it also has a lot to do with connecting on an emotional level.

A person knows when they begin to have feelings or shall I say lust for another person. If you are married you had those same feeling for your spouse at some point. Hopefully you still have some feelings for your spouse today. In any case, folks clearly know when they are experiencing inappropriate thoughts or feelings towards someone else.

The little bit of common sense part to avoid infidelity is shutting down those thoughts and feelings. Once you feel like you are connecting, bonding, feeling validated or fulfilled by someone other than your spouse, put the relationship on ice.

Once you stop interacting with the individual, other than a public setting, you will be less likely to travel down the road towards having an affair.

2nd Understanding Of Marriage Infidelity

You can’t stop your partner from cheating. I know this is a hard bit of information to digest. The good news is that you can make it hard for your partner to cheat. You just can’t stop them. There are many happily married folks who find themselves entangled in an affair. They have what many couples would trade for in a heartbeat. They have all the material comforts of life such as a great home, children, top notch cars and annual vacations. So why cheat?

Why does a successful, high paid wall street broker risk cheating? One reason is greed. The second reason is they think they can get away with it.

If your spouse wants to cheat and thinks he or she can get away with it they will try it. What you have to do is make it very hard for them to do so. Your spouse should feel as though the thrill of having an affair is small and shallow when compared to having a valuable partner such as yourself.

3rd Understanding Of Marriage Infidelity

You are capable of cheating. For more information on this understanding, see the 2nd item noted above.

Marriage infidelity is a serious problem and obstacle in many relationships. It’s hard to prevent and challenging to recover from. However, the surrender flag should never be waved. Dealing with infidelity is possible despite how you feel when it’s uncovered.

If you are trying to prevent infidelity, or recovering from it, see here for more tips; Dealing With Infidelity

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How To Help A Marriage

Learning how to help a marriage is more about deciding to help your marriage succeed and then taking the right steps at the right time to make it come true. You and your spouse make numerous choices every day that is either helping or hurting your marriage. Sometimes just the way you engage in conversation or decide to be distant just because. No one wants to be around a mean spirited cold partner. You probably have many questions like “How can I save my marriage?” or “Where do I start to fix my marriage?”.
Well, you will find some answers here to help your marriage.

Ways To Help Your Marriage

I’m sure you have heard this before but it’s worth repeating. Before you can improve your marriage you have to know what needs improving. If you are like the average spouse you probably think that you are not the problem in your marriage but your spouse is. Unfortunately when a spouse is not willing to examine ways to help your marriage then you are already setting yourself up for failure. If you think you are not part of the problem in your marriage just ask your spouse or take a long look in a mirror.

I know you would love to make a wish and have your dream marriage come true. You can How To Help Our Marriagewave a wand or break a wishbone or perhaps find a four leaf clover. You cab try all three and it still won’t fix your marriage. It will give you something to talk about do very little to figure out how to help a marriage in trouble.

Remember I mentioned choices earlier. Now is a great time for you to start making some choices which could possibly help you figure out save your marriage today. Here are a few choices you may want to think about.

1. Do you try to fix your marriage on your own or motivate your spouse to join you in the fight to save your marriage?

2. Are you willing to invite others into your inner circle to try to help you fix your marital problems?

3. What are you willing to give up or change for the sake of saving your marriage?

4. How much longer are you willing to fight for your marriage?

5. What are the three most important obstacles keeping you from being happily married?

6. Are you ready to deal with the real issues in your marriage or will you or your spouse reject any possibility of healing your broken relationship?

7. Can you forgive past offenses and will your spouse truly forgive you for things you may have done in the past?

You might stumble upon some information on line that advertising fixing your marriage even if your spouse is unwilling to. You can fix a broken chair or perhaps a broken door handle but I assure you will have a difficult time fixing your marriage problems if your spouse is unwilling to cooperate. Unless you are 99% of the reason why your marriage is struggling, you need to be working with your spouse to save your marriage.

When it comes to saving a marriage, sometimes you need an objective 3rd party to help you fix your marriage. It could be a counselor, therapist or honest and courageous friend. I know it’s hard to be transparent in-front of someone else and air all of your dirty laundry. However, should pride get in the way of saving your marriage? Yes you can win the battle sometimes and yet lose the war. You don’t have to empty your skeletons out of the closet how to help our marriageall at once. Whoever you end up letting help you can build up the relationship until you are comfortable discussing personal matters.

Some spouses say they want a strong healthy marriage but are unwilling to make sacrifices to get where they need to be. Some husbands refuse to give up their night out with the guys and thus their wife continues to believe she is #2 in her husband’s eyes. This can lead to bitterness and resentment. You must be willing to compromise and not be selfish. If you have a “what’s in it for me?” attitude your marriage will continue to struggle. Remember, marriage is a marathon and not a sprint. Continue the journey and make sure it’s about you and your spouse, not just you.

Figuring out ways to help your marriage can be frustrating and tiring. You will find yourself wondering how much longer you can go. On the good days you will feel as though time is on your side and however long it takes to save your marriage, you will be there. Then there will be days when you feel like throwing in the towel. My advice is that you continue to fight for your marriage until you have exhausted all options.

Help Our Marriage – What To Do Starting Today

One of the easiest things you can do to start helping your marriage improve is guard your mouth. You can easily change the relationship by saying the right thing, at the right time in the right way. Think before you speak and your words will be more helpful than harmful. Words are very powerful and what you say can’t be taken back. Make sure you are being respectful and positive when conversing with your spouse as good attitude goes a long way towards helping your marriage improve.

Now what?

I’m so delighted that you are looking for ways to improve your marriage. I realize that having marital problems can be overwhelming and difficult to live through. The good news is that you don’t have to solve all of your marital problems in one night. Remember to take one step at a time. See here for more information on saving your marriage.

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Husband Cheating With Coworker

Are you worried about your husband cheating with coworker? If you are you will no doubt need to take the necessary steps to either confirm your suspicions or prove yourself wrong. I hope it’s the latter. Have you given thought to what you would do if you caught him cheating with a coworker? I’m sure it’s something that has crossed your mind but although you might see signs of your husband having an affair, until you know for sure it’s hard to believe it.

Signs Of Husband Cheating With Coworker

  1. Your Husband Communicates Outside Of Work With The Coworker – Very often when spouses are having an affair they are either very secretive and try to hide any hint that they are having an affair or think because they speak openly about the person you won’t think much of the relationship.
  2. Other Folks Talk About Them A lot – If you hear from different folks how great the chemistry is between your husband and some other woman, be weary. Unless your husband and the coworker are on dancing with the stars then chemistry shouldn’t be present in the working relationship.
  3. Your Husband Buys Her Gifts – Buying gifts for all of the coworkers in the office is a noble idea. However, buying desk calendars for all the folks except one person and buying her flowers, jewelry or heart-shaped chocolates is unacceptable.

If you suspect your husband is cheating with a coworker, you need to focus on his activities and catch him before it is too late. It will be too late if he falls in love with her and wants a divorce or if you are so broken and torn apart that you are unable to forgive him and take him back after his infidelity.

It is much easier to catch a cheating husband these days. Years ago you had to hire a private detective or trail him after he left work to see where he goes. Nowadays you can check his text messages or read his emails, tweets or other social media posts to nail him. Just keep checking up on him and either he will slip up or his coworker will. Very rarely does cheating go on without someone spilling the beans.

Here’s a pretty bold step to take if you are getting nowhere in seeing if your husband is cheating with a coworker. Make a surprise visit to his job. Bring him some lunch or stop by just because. If he or others are very uncomfortable with you being around your suspicions might be valid. If no one knew he was married then your problem is probably bigger than you think.

The best advice that I can give you is invest in your marriage. If you still love your husband and you want to keep your marriage together, don’t let up. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to try to save your marriage. If your husband is cheating with a coworker you can repair your broken marriage. Unfortunately, millions of other spouses have had to overcome this difficult obstacle in their relationship. There is no reason why your marriage can’t survive your husband cheating with coworker.

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Help With Cheating Wife

I know its difficult searching for help with cheating wife issues. Trying to keep your anger and pride in check is stressful. Regardless of what problems you’re dealing with it still hurts like heck to have your wife cheat on you. I hope this helps you in dealing with your cheating wife issue.

Don’t Make Assumptions About Your Cheating Wife

Just because your wife is having an affair it doesn’t mean she no longer wants to be married to you. I realize that is hard to believe when you first find out that your wife has cheated. In fact, even after a period of time has passed, the thought of your wife still loving you after cheating is a hard concept to accept. Whether you accept it or not it could be true. Your wife can cheat on you and still love you.

Give Your Marriage Time To Heal

The knee jerk reaction by most guys upon finding out about an affair is to either leave immediately or kick their cheating spouse out. Keep in mind that in order for your marriage to heal you have to still have a relationship. Healing will not occur overnight. It could take weeks or months before you are able to fix your broken marriage.

Don’t set unrealistic time frames for everything to be resolved. Your wife’s cheating didn’t just happen over night and there are some issues on your marriage that need to be worked out. It will take time to sort through the issues. What you want to see and experience is progress. In a week or month you should feel better that you do today. If you don’t then you are focusing on the wrong things as a couple.

Don’t Push Your Wife Away

Your wife has choices to make regarding your marriage and her future. There is a reason why she chose to have an affair. It could be either emotionally or physical but there is a reason. You have a choice to make know as well You either work on understanding why she cheating or just hate on her and push her away for good.

I’m by no means suggestion that you instantly forgive her and move on. However, if your number one goal is to punish her for cheating then you will leave her no option. Humble yourself and take some responsibility for your wife cheating and work with her to heal your marriage.

Resist The “Do Unto Others Mindset”

It’s very easy to rationalize in your head that it’s ok for you to have an affair since your wife has had one. Now is not the time to do unto others as they have done unto you. You know that two wrongs don’t make a right. It’s not ok for you to cheat on your spouse just because she cheated on you. What that would do is double the pain in the marriage. You are better than that, I hope.

Obviously dealing with infidelity in marriage will be one of the most difficult obstacles you will ever face. Please don’t think you have to walk this road alone. If you can use some advice on how to survive and affair, please see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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How To Cope With Your Husband Cheating On You

Learning how to cope with your husband cheating on you will be one of the hardest things you will ever do in life. I know you are experiencing serious doubt that you will be able to cope with infidelity. No one who has survived an affair thought that they could. Your heart and mind are in a tug of war with divorce on one side and staying together on the other side. There is no simple answer to cope with a cheating spouse. However, there is one thing you can feel good about and it is that other women have figured out how to forgive a cheating husband and live in love, peace and harmony.

What’s the number one tip I could give you for learning how to cope with a cheating husband? It’s to be calculating in your decision making. Also, to be overly cautious and patient in the steps you take to mend your broken marriage back together, if that’s what you choose to do.

It’s hard to say whether a relationship will survive an affair. Your cheating husband may not even want to be married any longer. That’s a choice he has to make. By his cheating I know you believe he doesn’t want to be married. If truth be told I think that’s a good assumption. However, just because your husband has had a lapse of judgment it doesn’t mean that he is ready to throw in the towel. So what’s next?

With your husband having an affair the obvious first step to overcoming his cheating is him ending the affair. You can’t overcome an affair if it’s still going on. It has to end or your marriage has to end. They can’t co-exist. You don’t want to be in such an unhealthy and damaging relationship, trust me. So once the affair has ended the road to forgiveness and healing can begin.

Five Questions To Ask Your Cheating Husband

  1. Is the affair over?
  2. Are there any reasons for you to have further contact with this person (children, legal attachments etc)?
  3. Are you willing to work through the marital problems?
  4. Who else knows about the affair?
  5. Why did he have the affair?

You don’t have to use the above questions but you do need to come up with questions that will give you a sense that he is willing to save your marriage.

What you can’t do is go into a shell and fail to communicate your feelings and needs. That’s a recipe for unnecessary pain, frustration and an inevitable date in divorce court.

You must know what you need to cope with your husband’s affair. Your husband must know what he needs to do to earn back your trust and your heart.

Learning how to cope with your husband cheating on you is hard but not impossible. The key is to do the right things at the right time and you will give your marriage the best chance to survive your husband’s cheating.

For more helpful tips on overcoming a cheating husband, please see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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