How To Thrive In A Difficult Marriage

I know it’s hard to believe that you can figure out how to thrive in a difficult marriage. Keeping a positive outlook can only take you so far, right? Words sometimes have very little meaning when reality paints a different picture. What are your options when struggling in your marriage?

Option 1 – Put Up With The Difficult Marriage

How To Thrive In A Difficult Marriage

Difficult Marriage?

Sure, it is possible to survive a difficult marriage. Living in a difficult marital relationship causes quite a bit of stress on the mind and the body. However, there are millions of couples putting up with the uncaring, inconsiderate and often times selfish behavior of a spouse. Could it be that you are that spouse?

I’m positive you often think does it make sense to put up with it when you are miserable 5 or 6 days a week? You have to ask yourself some tough questions, such as;

  • Why is our relationship so difficult?
  • What can I change to make things better?
  • How much longer will I be able to stick it out?
  • What happens if I we decide to end the marriage?
  • What will happen if I make demands for changing the relationship?

Putting up with a difficult marriage for a period of time is not too bad. However, if issues will always be in the center of the relationship, it’s going to be hard to survive. You or your spouse will grow weary and choose to end the marriage. You have to find a way to improve your marriage before it’s too late.

Option 2 – Change Your Difficult Marriage

Contrary to popular belief it is possible to turn a bad or difficult marriage around. I don’t know any married couples who have or ever had a perfect marriage. Most start off great, at least they think it’s great and slowly but surely begin to see their differences get revealed. Before you know it you aren’t quite sure who you married.

There is an adjustment period after the honeymoon and about 2 years into the marriage. Personal preferences begin to rise up and before you know it things get a bit difficult.

The good news is that it’s never too late to change your marriage. I know couples who were in the Lawyers office and found a way to reconcile their broken marriage. You have the wisdom and wherewithal to change your marriage and your future. The question is, do you really want to?

Option 3 – End Your Difficult Marriage

I really won’t spend much time on this option as I believe it should only be done if all other options have failed, more than once.

Divorce is an ugly beast that you want to avoid, if possible. Don’t give into the temptation of taking what seems to be the easy way out of your difficult marriage. Divorce is hard and unpleasant most of the time. Something seems to happen to folks when the reality of breaking up sets in. Think twice before going down the divorce road.

How To Thrive In A Difficult Marriage

Pick Your Issues Carefully – Don’t let anything and everything your spouse does get under your skin. Deal with the issues that matter and let the non-issues go.

Show Your Spouse Respect – It’s easy to become disrespectful in a marriage when you no longer care or feel loved. Do the right thing even if it doesn’t feel right.

Find Ways To Enjoy Life – Take advantage of the opportunities you have to enjoy life and don’t live in a bad marriage bubble. A bad marriage bubble is when you stop living life due to shame, frustration and embarrassment. In other words, don’t avoid family, friends or social events just because you and your spouse are having marital issues. Don’t let your marriage suck the joy out of your life.

Learning how to thrive in a difficult marriage is easy if you have the right perspective. Sometimes it just takes a little reminder to get folks to realize that life doesn’t end just because of a struggling marriage. Make some changes and get your marriage back on track.

Please know that the marriage you have now that is frustrating and disappointing doesn’t have to stay that way. Don’t buy into the belief that it’s just the way marriage is or a leopard can’t change his spots. You have the power to get the marriage you so need and desire. If you need more guidance on keeping your marriage together, please see here; Difficult Marriage.

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Ashley Madison Hack Confession

So today it was disclosed that the Ashley Madison database has been hacked and millions of clients are at risk of being exposed. I can assure you that there are some very nervous people who will have trouble sleeping tonight.

I can’t imagine the anxiety cheating spouses must be feeling wondering what the hacking folks will do with the information. When will it be disclosed and how will the data be accessed. Will my spouse or family read my name, some must be thinking.

It’s a shame that those worries exist but the truth of the matter is Ashley Madison claims millions use their site to have discrete affairs. Fortunately or unfortunately the secret just might be exposed.

A lot will come of this hacking scandal at Ashley Madison.

  1. Some partners will find out about infidelity for the first time.
  2. There will be a lot of hurt, pain and shame if the list goes public.
  3. Less people may be willing to use the service to have an affair.
  4. Some marriages will be saved and others will be lost.
  5. Couples engaged or thinking about getting married may split.

I confess that my name will not be found on the database unless someone with my name used the service. I also don’t have any concerns that my wife’s name will show up. Can you say the same?

Cheating is not something that was discovered by Ashley Madison. However, allowing folks to cheat anonymously is a little new age. To get folks to trust that an orchestrated affair will remain private is remarkable. How anyone can be that trusting is amazing. Yet, millions do trust.

Infidelity is the same as it was since the beginning of time. A promise is made and is broken based on love and lust. Love makes you promise to be faithful and lust lures you into breaking that promise.

If you are worried about infidelity then something is awry in your relationship. Having an affair is not something folks plan on doing when they first meet and fall in-love. Somehow the temptation to cheat becomes more powerful than the marital bond.

The key to not worrying about the Ashley Madison site is to build a strong marriage with safe guards and boundaries so there is strength to resist the affair. The temptation will be there all the time. It takes a strong relationship for folks to resist the urge to cheat.

If you or your spouse show up on the Ashley Madison list or if you are concerned about infidelity, please read this; Help With Infidelity

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The Biggest Marriage Problem You Have Is?

What is the most frustrating aspect of your marriage? Perhaps you are struggling financially and it’s causing tension in your home. Maybe, you lack communication skills and thus you are having a hard time being on the same page. Dare I mention that could it be that lack of intimacy is dividing you? Although these are all some pretty big problems none of them are the main problem in your marriage.

The biggest problem with your marriage is you and your spouses’ ability to make decisions. Every problem you are working through was created by a decision and can be resolved by a decision. Let’s dig a little deeper.

Marriage Communication Problems

Communication plays a major role in any relationship, especially marriage. At the center of communication are the decisions leading up to the communication. Some decisions to be made are;

  • Share or withhold information
  • Use encouraging or discouraging words
  • Listen with an open or closed mind
  • Play the silent treatment game or converse with your spouse freely
  • Communicate respectfully or disrespectfully

Marriage Financial Problems

Money can easily place a wall between two individuals. Lack of money can be stressful and result in frustration and dissatisfaction. Some choices are;

  • Spend as an individual or with your spouses’ best interest at heart
  • Refuse to compromise with your spouse on priorities or be considerate of his or her preferences
  • Deciding to maintain a certain lifestyle or adjust to ensure financial challenges can be overcome

Marriage Intimacy Problems

Experiencing intimacy problems can spill over into every other aspect in your marriage. Some choices you have to make are;

  • Being intimate only when things are going your way or on a consistent basis
  • Using intimacy as a reward or punishment
  • Connecting physically but not emotionally with your spouse

Marriage problems start and end with decisions we make. Very simple concept but 100 percent true. What we decide to say and do or not say and not do directly impacts the success of our marriage. So what’s the key?

The key is to think before we speak or act. The results will be much better when you think about the positive and negative effect of your words or actions. Just because you have the right to say and do things doesn’t mean you have to. Your decisions dictate how your relationships will turn out. Make better decisions and your marriage will be better.

Please know that the marriage you have now that is frustrating and disappointing doesn’t have to stay that way. Don’t buy into the belief that it’s just the way marriage is or a leopard can’t change his spots. You have the power to get the marriage you so need and desire. If you need more guidance on keeping your marriage together, please see here; Help In Marriage

Finally, my thoughts and prayers go out to you and your spouse during this difficult period of your marriage. I have been where you are and can tell you that married life is so much better once you get over this hump. Again, for help in fixing your marriage, please read more here; Marriage Problems

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Will Cheating On Your Spouse Help Your Marriage?

Cheating on your spouse is not thought of by most to be a good thing. Although for some it’s justified as spicing up the marriage. I bet you can guess which spouse views it as a good thing. If you have been thinking about cheating to increase your happiness, here are some things to consider.

Cheating On Your Spouse Is Selfish Not Helpful

I don’t care how you try to frame it, or spin it, cheating is not about doing what’s best for the marriage. It is about doing what feels good. There is one scenario where a spouse is not physically able to perform that some might try to justify cheating. I don’t mean to be judgmental but it’s still cheating. I fail to find any reason other than selfishness to describe what cheating on your spouse is.

Cheating On Your Spouse Will Hurt More Than Just Your Spouse

Very often cheaters no longer care about their spouse and thus having an affair seems fair. I mean, they are unhappy and unfulfilled and thus cheating will fill a void in their life. The sad part is that many other individuals suffer as a result of an affair. There are children, parents, in-laws and friends who will suffer along with the couple as they try to deal with infidelity.

Then there is often times the 3rd person in the relationship, the person participating in the affair. That individual sometimes is lied to and hurt when the affair doesn’t turn into a real relationship.

Myths About Cheating

  • It’s ok as long as your spouse doesn’t find out
  • Your marriage can’t survive infidelity
  • You will never be trusted again if you cheat on your spouse
  • Everyone will cheat at some point in the marriage
  • Having an affair with a younger person will keep you young
  • You will never be able to forgive a cheating spouse
  • It’s impossible to control your emotions and feelings towards someone else

What you believe about cheating and the results of cheating will significantly impact your decision on whether to cheat or not. Perception can easily become reality so be careful what you believe regarding infidelity.

There is one thing I believe without a shadow of a doubt will happen during your marriage. You will be faced with temptation to cheat. It might be a little temptation or one that takes great restraint to resist. You will be tempted though. The question is, “how will you respond”?

I have never met a spouse or couple who proclaim how cheating saved their marriage or helped their marriage. I have known couples who fought tooth and nail in divorce court, with intentions on destroying their spouses’ life.

I do know children who were devastated as their parents split up because of a selfish affair.

Will Cheating On Your Spouse Help Your Marriage? What do you think?

Cheating on your spouse will never improve your marriage, in my opinion. Cheating will bring pain and destruction to your relationship though. If you are thinking about cheating, please don’t do it. If you are dealing with infidelity, either as the cheater or the one cheated on, please continue to fight to save your marriage. For more help on recovering from an affair, read here; Dealing With Infidelity

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Marriage Happiness

Marriage happiness is something that most spouses want. The ones who don’t want happiness are at the point where they want to be single again. In some cases they have little hope that things will change and thus they are content with just being unhappy. Living happily ever after is not just in fairy tales. You can have happiness in your marriage. Here are some things to consider as you seek happiness.

Make Your Marriage About “Us” Not “I

From the day we were born, our life was about “I”. I need to come out of the womb we said at about nine months into the pregnancy. For the next few months we screamed at the top of our lungs when we wanted to eat or get a diaper change. This selfish behavior continued on pretty much until we got to the age of 18. For some of us it continued on, even after we got married.

If your marriage is about “I” and not about “Us”, or all about you and not about your spouse, you will never be happy. You and your spouse must be looking to make each other happy, at least some of the time. It’s not a full time job, it’s a part time job. It’s ok to focus on yourself sometime, just not all the time.

Secrets To A Happy Marriage

Can I let you in on a secret about secrets to a happy marriage? There are none. Marriage has been around since the beginning of mankind. There are no marriage secrets. There is marriage ignorance and marriage denial but no secrets. The problem is we often want a quick fix or a magic potion to fix our marriage. I don’t want to depress you but marriage happiness will not be instant or quick. It will take sacrifice and work.

Don’t Compare Your Marriage Happiness To Others

This reminds me of a scene from a movie I watched a few years ago called “Diary Of A Mad Black Women”. To summarize;

  1. The husband was a successful lawyer and the couple lived in a mansion.
  2. The wife stayed at home (no kids).
  3. The husband received the Lawyer of the year award and the couple attended a grand ceremony where he thanked his wife and blew her a romantic kiss.
  4. He proceeded to drive her home and abruptly kicked her out of the car.

On the surface they were perceived to be a powerful influential happily married couple. The reality was that he had a mistress and already had two children with her. He then kicked her out of the house and moved the mistress in.

It’s easy to look at other couples and wish you had the kind of marriage they do. If you do, you run the risk of disliking your marriage as it will come up short all the time. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t strive for a happy marriage because it is very much possible. Just don’t waste your time and energy dreaming about other marriages. Use your time and energy to make your marriage better.

Marriage happiness brings about a great peace and balance in your life. Sometimes work or life in general can wear you down. When you have a good marriage, it helps you get through the difficulties of life. According to Wikipedia, happiness is defined as; a mental or emotional state of well-being defined by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.

If your marriage is not bringing you a sense of well being and contentment, you need to do something about it now. Don’t wait for tomorrow, or next week or next month.

Why not get started with improving your marriage starting right now? Time may not be on your side. Your Marriage Happiness may not come instantly but your marriage stress needs to fade away, before it’s replaced by bitterness. Once bitterness enters the relationship hopelessness soon follows and divorce soon after. Read more here, Help In Marriage, on getting back your marriage happiness.

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Will Your Marriage Survive Infidelity

It is not by chance that you have stumbled upon this posting regarding will your marriage survive infidelity. I can’t see you but I can see the tears rolling down your cheeks. I wish I could hold your hand and tell you that everything is going to be ok. If I did, I would be telling you a lie. I wouldn’t be able to say that because the next days, weeks, months and years will not be easy.  However, the journey you are on can end happily ever after.

Instead of wondering if your marriage can survive infidelity, you need to plan on your marriage surviving the pain, bitterness and loneliness. You need to turn the page on this chapter of your life and start moving forward. You can exchange the pain and bitterness you are feeling with joy and peace. You have to get rid of the negative thinking such as “I don’t know if my marriage will survive”. You should be instead wondering how great your marriage can still be.

Now, although I’m truly a believer that a positive attitude and approach to healing your broken marriage is the best route to take I’m not blind to reality and neither should you be. Not every marriage survives infidelity. You know first hand the struggle in trying to overcome the embarrassment and pain. The goods news is that many couples put the pieces of the puzzle back together again and are victorious. Is there any reason why you can’t be one of the over comers?

One of the factors that will influence your ability to survive the affair is;

Your Beliefs

  • Do you believe your spouse is truly remorseful or if you cheated do you believe you will ever be forgiven?
  • Do you believe it’s possible for your spouse to love you and have cheated on you?
  • Do you believe your marriage will ever be normal again?
  • Do you believe trust and love can replace distrust and bitterness?

What you and your spouse believe about your marriage and your future will influence your decision making. If you believe there is good left in your marriage you will be more likely to fight to restore your marriage. If you have lost hope in your marriage then you will more than likely be seeking revenge rather than restoration. There are some things you want to avoid doing during this difficult time, such as;

Shutting out your spouse for an extended period of time. A short break is ok to gather your thoughts and emotions. However, it will be hard to restore your marriage if you are not engaged with your spouse.

Trying to get even with your spouse. Two wrongs don’t make it right. Work with and not against your spouse.

Disclosing the affair to folks who have no need to know. It’s easy to spread the news via the internet and shame your spouse out of anger. Revenge will not expedite your marriage restoration.

Will your marriage survive infidelity? Please take the necessary steps to heal your broken heart and learn how to forgive. If you can, your life will be better, whether you decide to stay married or leave. If you need more guidance with dealing with infidelity, read more here; Dealing With Infidelity

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6 Worst Marriage Tips Of All Time

Do you need marriage tips? When you met your first love in elementary school there were no rules to follow but somehow you knew what to do. First you hid your emotions and only stared when he or she wasn’t looking. Then you perhaps asked a friend to find out what your chances were of making a connection. Then you dared to be brave and wrote an I love you note. Once your eyes were set on that individual, pursuit was part of your daily routine. Finally, you got an answer back and it was yes.

You may have observed others doing the same thing but you didn’t need any tips. Unfortunately everyone seems to be a relationship expert these days. You will get advice from people who have divorced, cheated, lied or mistreated their spouse. Yes it is possible to learn from others mistakes. You might get some good tips and possibly one or two bad ones. Just be careful where you get your advice from.

Here are the 6 worst marriage tips you will ever hear;

Start A Relationship With Someone Else – Some believe that if you aren’t happy find someone who can make you happy. Others may say if you make your spouse jealous he or she will appreciate you more.

Ignore Your Problems and They Will Go Away – Marriage problems are like a leaky faucet. The longer you ignore the leak the more damage it will cause. It’s a mistake to let you marriage issues go unresolved. Eventually they will ruin your marriage.

Bring Up Past Hurts To Win An Argument – You can win the argument but lose you partner for good.

Threaten To Get A Divorce – Do you really want someone around just because you threatened take them to court and one half of their belongings? Forced love is one that will be over before you know it.

Allow Others To Fight For You – If you have tried your best to make your marriage work I applaud your effort. Marriage is worth fighting for. However, if your friends, relatives or in-laws are trying harder than you are to save your marriage, it’s a lost cause.

Use Blackmail Tactics – Again, forcing your spouse to stay using blackmail is wrong and will only lasts as long as your spouse cares. Whatever secrets you threaten to disclose will one day no longer matter. The bitterness and resentment your spouse has built up will push you towards divorce.

There are more things you ought to avoid if you want your marriage to lasts. Read more reasonable approaches to fixing your marriage on; Help In Marriage

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Getting Your Husband To Love You Again

What’s so bad about getting your husband to love you again is that you never expected to need to. Now that your marriage is struggling and you have doubts that your husband cares, I know it’s a scary place to be. If you don’t feel loved then you aren’t loved. It’s important to take the necessary steps to get him to love you again so he doesn’t leave for good. You can’t stop him from leaving but you can make it a tough choice.

When is the last time you have put in good quality time? Quality time is extremely important and it doesn’t have to be lengthy or romantic. You just need to share some time with your husband where you both enjoy the time together. If all of your time is contentious and unpleasant it’s difficult to love again.

What’s more important to you, your spouse or work? You probably said your spouse but is that really true? Where do you spend your time after your work day ends? Do you stay late to get stuff done or do you hurry home to see and greet your loving husband? Make sure your husband is on the top of your priority list.

Look at how the negative affects your marriage? If your day, week or month is consumed with negative words, thoughts or actions towards your husband, he will never love you, unconditionally. Focus on what’s positive, fun and exiting. Don’t ignore the things that you are struggling with. Just don’t’ be more negative than positive.

Remember when you couldn’t wait to go see a movie and grab a bite to eat? What has stopped you from doing that now? I recommend that you pursue your husband’s love again. Make him want you all over again.

One of the things you should be wary of is Marriage Fatigue. That’s when you are so tired that you lose all interest in trying to save your marriage. You know you are tired when you stop caring about what happens to your marriage.

Make your husband fall in love all over again. Start dating, dress to impress, be kind, exiting and new. Let positive feelings displace negative ones. If you can do these simple things you will be well on your way to getting your husband to love you again.

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The Problem With Your Marriage Is?

Why is your marriage so blah? Is it you or is it your spouse? Do you feel loved or do you no longer feel like being loving? So many questions and so few answers, right? So what is the problem with your marriage?

Possible Problems With Your Marriage

  1. You are tired – Marriage, even good ones can be tiring at times. It takes work to have a good marriage and work can wear you out. The harder you work the more exhausted you become. After a certain point you need to take a break. Your marriage is no different. It’s a problem when you try to do anything when you are tired. It’s hard to drive, work or be productive at work when you are tired. It’s equally hard to be happily married when you are worn out.
  2. Your spouse is tired – I know it’s hard to believe it but your spouse might be tired of you or your ways. This can lead to attitudes, negative responses or distancing. If your spouse keeps space between you, it’s not healthy for your marriage.
  3. You are hopeless – To be happy in your marriage you need to have faith that the future is promising. If you see no point in working on your marriage because you don’t expect it to last, then you will do very little to build it up. It’s a serious marriage problem if you don’t have hope.
  4. Priorities are out of order – it’s pretty simple to pin point issues dealing with priorities. Just see where you spend your time, energy and money. If you and your spouse have different priorities you will be going in opposite directions.

These are just a few of the types of problems couples have to deal with. It’s easy to ignore or avoid problems for the sake of keeping the peace. However, most problems if left unresolved will grow until they are more complicated and have the potential to serious impact a marriage.

What’s important is that you know the problems in your marriage. I recommend that you work on fixing the problems that you have. You can’t change your spouse but you can change yourself. If you know that you can adjust some of your behavior, why not work on fixing your problems and let your spouse fix theirs? Be the best spouse you can be and let everything else, take care of itself.

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The Power Of Words To Help Your Marriage

Marriage can be either built up and strengthened by words or knocked down and torn apart by words. What you say to your spouse matters. What you hear from your spouse matters. It doesn’t matter if you say you could care less what your spouse says about you. You are not telling the truth about the matter. Trust me and please understand that there is power in your words so choose wisely. Help your marriage by choosing the right words.

Here are some phrases couples express to one another and how easy it is to make the communication more helpful than hurtful;

  • I don’t love you anymore or I feel disconnected from you!
  • I hate you or I hate the way our relationship is going!
  • I wish I had never gotten married or I wish I waited until I was ready to be a spouse!
  • You always put your job and friends ahead of me or I don’t think we are spending enough time together!
  • You don’t look as attractive to me as you used to or I like it when you get all dressed up to impress me!
  • You need to lose weight or I’m concerned about your health!

There are terms like idiot, stupid, jerk, dummy and many more harsh words that get tossed around in a lot of marriages. When harsh words are used, even in jest, it’s like getting hit in the head with a hammer. You keep pounding away and eventually the head will crack.

It’s the same with your marriage. If all of your communication involves negative words or comments then you are chipping away at your marriage. Before you know it a few years will pass and there will be nothing left but sarcasm, bitterness and unforgiveness.

You do have a choice though to help your marriage. Why not choose to be positive and say things in a way that gets the message across without tearing apart your marriage. Instead of saying I don’t love you anymore try saying we need to change some things so we can both be happy. Love is something you choose to do, not just a feeling you have! If you make the choice to love, your words should be move loving and less hating.

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