Saving My Marriage From Dying

Saving your marriage is the right thing to do. Anything you spent so much time and effort building deserves a chance to be rescued. Although you may feel like your marriage is already dead it can be restored. You might be looking for help on how to save a marriage after an affair or simply how you can save your marriage. The fact that you are looking for help means you still care. If you still care and want to save your marriage then your marriage still has a chance.

Saving my marriage was a priority for me and it’s not that it was dead but it was just ok. It’s very easy for an ok marriage to turn into a bad marriage. It’s possible to revive your marriage if it’s dead but it’s much easier to restore it if it’s still good.

With a marriage on the brink of divorce it’s critical that the spouses pause, take a deep breadth and take a step back. When you are heading full steam ahead towards a nasty divorce, it’s hard to save your marriage unless you really have a heart ready to be changed and do what’s necessary to reconcile your relationship.

One of the keys to saving your marriage is to accept responsibility for your role in breaking your marriage. I’m not saying you should blame yourself. However, you might have created some of the issues in your marriage that unfortunately have now come back to haunt you. If you know of any issues that you have caused and have yet to seek forgiveness for, now is the time to do so. Swallow your pride and apologize to make things right.

Saving your marriage is noble and I applaud you for it. Consider these 5 things as you begin to reclaim and restore your marriage.

  1. You don’t have to change your marriage only if your spouse is willing to do so. You can change yourself and the by-product of that change will be a changed relationship.
  2. Make your relationship a top priority in your life.
  3. Try not to fix all of your problems at once. It has taken time for those problems to grow. It will take time to see the harvest of your changes.
  4. Expect the unexpected when it comes to your relationship. Sometimes couples get on opposite pages and it takes time to get back onto the same page. Sometimes the more you try to fix your marriage the worse it seems to get. Don’t give up, you might be closer to a restoration than you know.
  5. Saving your marriage can impact generations to come.

Keeping your marriage together is possible. You must believe that it is possible and your actions must reflect your deeds. If you don’t believe your marriage can be saved, it won’t be.

Saving my marriage from dying was the best thing I ever did. Will you be saying the same thing? I hope so!

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Can A Marriage Survive An Affair?

If you are wondering can a marriage survive an affair I hope it’s just a fleeting thought and not something that you are contemplating or dealing with for real. If you are worried about your marriage and whether or not it is strong enough to survive an affair, you probably have a good reason to worry. However, instead of asking yourself can a marriage survive an affair perhaps the better question is, can your marriage survive an affair?

For some couples dealing with infidelity is an unfortunate part of their past, present and future. Surviving an affair is sort of like recovering from an addiction. You never truly can be sure if your recovery is permanent so you take it one day at a time. There is always a fear of a setback and thus rebuilding a marriage after infidelity can be difficult to say the least. However, restoring a marriage after an affair is very much possible as proven by millions of happy couples.

Can Your Marriage Be Perfect After An Affair?

The simple answer is no. Your marriage will not be perfect after adultery has occurred. However, your marriage also was not perfect before infidelity entered into the marriage. No marriage is, was or will ever be perfect. It just so happens that the pain and suffering that infidelity produces is so great it’s hard to lump in with ordinary marriage problems.

Surviving An Affair

  1. Be honest with yourself and your spouse.
  2. Don’t make emotional decisions.
  3. Rely on advice from people you trust and respect. Just because you trust someone with the intimate details about the affair, don’t assume that they have the right advice for your situation.
  4. Consider the risks of leaving and the risk of staying and move forward with the choice you make.
  5. Give yourself enough time to think things through. Your future will be determined by the decision you make today. Make an informed and wise choice if you can.
  6. Don’t let your cheating spouse’s actions make you feel ashamed of your marriage. Every marriage is just one mistake away from being in the same boat you are in.
  7. Take a look into the future and visualize what a restored and healed relationship could be like for you.
  8. Confront all of your emotions and the infidelity. Don’t hide from it or try to shut it out. Embrace the emotions, deal with them and then over time kick them to the curb.
  9. Take baby steps until you are able to walk and then run.
  10. Believe that a marriage can survive an affair.

There are some really good steps to take when dealing with an affair. There are also so very poor decisions you can make. The key to recovering from an affair is to make more good decisions than bad and also, taking command of the problem. If you don’t control it, it will control you.

Can a marriage survive an affair? Yours can, right!

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I Can’t Believe He Cheated – Should I Leave?

Were you ready to faint after hearing yourself say “I can’t believe he cheated”? Speechless is what most women say they were when they finally got their lying, cheating selfish husband to confess to sleeping with another woman. It’s a feeling like no other and if you have experienced this painful emotional roller coaster, my heart hurts for you.

What’s the first thing husbands do when they are accused of having and affair? You guessed it, deny it. Here are some things you might hear from a cheating husband;

I Can't Believe He Cheated

I Can’t Believe He Cheated

  • I can’t believe you are accusing me of cheating?
  • Why would I risk our marriage and throw away all we have built just to sleep with someone else?
  • I love you too much to cheat on you.
  • I’m working all these late night hours so I can keep my job and provide for our family.
  • I’m not allowed to let you look through my phone because of business privacy rules.
  • When I don’t answer my phone it’s not because I don’t want to it’s because I can’t.
  • The perfume you smell is from being close to ladies in the elevator.
  • I can’t sleep with you because I’m too stressed out about work.
  • Are you having an affair?

So after all the denying and lying the cheating husband has two options. One is to continue to deflect the issue until he is caught red handed or give in to his guilt and confess to his devious deed.

Either way once the cat is out of the bag, life changes forever. A marriage dealing with infidelity is like a ceramic piggy bank smashed to pieces by a hammer. If you want the bank to function again as a bank, you have to slowly put the pieces back together and you need some kind of adhesive to make it stay together. Putting the pieces back together is complicated and not always possible.

So, when you are looking at all the broken pieces in your relationship, with your husband cheating the biggest broken piece, should you leave? That’s a question only the one with the broken heart can answer. However, my suggestion is that you don’t make a quick decision. It’s too important to do so when you are hurting and so angry.

Your husband who cheated on you may or may not want to stay married. Remember he is a cheater and untrustworthy individual. He chose his selfish ambitions over his wife and kids, if you have any. He has a choice to make before you even get to choose. Is he willing to give up his cheating ways, for good? If he can’t then that makes your decision a little easier to make.

Now, if your cheating husband is remorseful and understands the pain and shame he has brought to himself and you, you might want to contemplate trying to work things out.

Instead of saying I can’t believe he cheated I think it’s more realistic to say I can’t believe I didn’t catch him sooner. Sometimes cheating husbands get busted by chance and in many instances they are just careless and leave obvious hints that they are doing something wrong. I for one am sad when marriages are nearly ruined because of the selfish act of a cheating spouse. I still have hope though, even though the odds are not favorable for restoring the broken marriage.

Should I leave a cheating husband is something that you and your husband have to decide. Take advice from others if you wish but in the end, make it your choice. I hope your marriage is strong enough to survive infidelity. If it isn’t make it so. Don’t assume that your marriage will never be hit by infidelity. It can happen to any couple at any stage in their marriage.

Need more advice regarding dealing with infidelity? See here: Dealing With Infidelity

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Free Online Marriage Help

I have one question for you regarding your quest to find free online marriage help. How much is too much to pay to fix your marriage? Is $10 too much or perhaps $50 is what your maximum amount is? Finding help to fix your marriage is excellent. Being fixated on finding the right answers through free online resources could either make your marriage restoration take longer or not happen at all. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I just want to make sure you are not putting a price on bringing joy, peace, love and happiness back into your marriage and life.

Ok, now that I’ve insulted you let me see if I can help you, please.

If you are looking for some tips, guidance or suggestions on how to improve your marriage, you have landed on a good resource. This site, Help In Marriage has hundreds of articles addressing various marital issues that might help fix your marriage. The information is free to use and it’s online so perhaps this site can help you.

Issues With Some Free Online Marriage Advice

I have heard someone sarcastically say that if information is on the internet it must be true. You and I know that this is indeed not true. You can find some weird stuff online so you have to make sure you have a good perspective when reading advice. Sometimes writers are either unskilled at writing or not that knowledgeable about the subject matter.

You might stumble upon one article recommending that you have an open marriage (see other people) to add some spice to your marriage. I’m not an authority on open marriages but there is very little chance that both individuals will be happy. If I were a betting man I would bet that one spouse is unhappy, unfulfilled and ready to jump ship. If a marriage is failing, introducing other people into the mix will only complicate matters. If you read this kind of advice be weary.

Some marriage advice sites might recommend that you follow a one size fits all solution to marital problems. For example, the guidance might be to immediately seek a divorce if your spouse cheats on you. There are steps that need to be taken between the cheating and getting a divorce. Marriage advice should be written in a way that you have options, Each individual has to make decisions based on the relationship and not just because an article says so. Guidance should be given where you can gain insight into your options to make your marriage stronger.

Online Marriage Help That’s The Right Kind Of Help

You need to make sure the help you are reading about can really help you. Sometimes you can read an article online and never get the answer you need. The reason being the writer doesn’t have an answer for you. It’s frustrating to read through a 1,000 page article only to find out that the article was useless.

Marriage or Relationship Forums

There are tons of marriage or relationship forums that you can join to get some guidance regarding having a healthy marriage. There is one thing that you must take into account. I would guess that 99% of the people answering questions are not professionals. They are good hearted people but sometimes the advice you read is from an emotionally unstable individually. If you join a forum, read the responses with a grain of salt.

So, back to the initial thought about free online marriage help. I suggest that you search for the information that you can relate to and that helps you. You should be able to do something different in order to fix your broken marriage. If you find the right resource please don’t bypass it because of the costs. I’m not suggesting that you spend thousands of dollars on some class or seminar. However, if you find a potential resource and you can afford it, give it serious thought. Why get divorced when spending $20 or $30 might save your marriage.

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Marriage Struggles – 3 Struggles That Make Your Marriage Miserable

Marriage struggles can be a pain in the, you know what sometimes. For someone who has to deal with difficult people during the day just to get home and wrestle with marriage issues, it makes life tough. Do you feel like you are in a battle for your marriage? You are not alone so don’t think you are. Many couples struggle in dealing with their marriage issues. Don’t give up on your marriage. I have been at it 35 years and still haven’t mastered it. Still learning how to get things right. Give thought to these marriage struggles and tips.

marriage help

Marriage Struggles Stink!

Bad or Non-existent Communication

Communication is probably the most important aspect of any marriage. It’s also one of the most difficult and challenging aspects because of assumptions. All it takes is for one spouse to interpret words or actions the wrong way and small marriage issues can blow up and become marriage breakers.

I can tell you with absolute certainty that you or your spouse have probably been wrong once or twice when it comes to understanding what was being communicated. For example, have you ever been mad at your spouse because of something you thought he or she said or didn’t say? It goes something like this, “I thought you didn’t care anymore because you never tell me that you love me “.

Although you never said you no longer love your spouse, because you don’t say it, it’s perceived that you no longer love. You might be baffled by the accusation that you no longer love, but you shouldn’t be.

I recommend that you communicate what you feelings are and show them by your actions. Let your love for your spouse be evident in your actions and deeds.

Non-existent Intimacy

intimacy marriage strugglesMarriage struggles have a way of putting intimacy on the back burner. Sure the flame is still on but the fire burns dimly. If you want to keep your marriage strong and vibrant, work on being intimate, even if you have to plan it out. If you don’t plan on being intimate you will fail at it. You spend time planning your day, week or month so why not include intimacy in your plan.

Ask yourself two simple questions at least once a week, maybe on a Sunday evening;

  • What did I do last week to help keep intimacy in my marriage?
  • What can I do this week to help keep intimacy in my marriage?

If you don’t think about being intimate guess what? You won’t be. Don’t let life get in the way of your marriage. Life will go on with or without you but your marriage wont.

Too Much or Too Little Work

This is a little vague but on purpose. Do you work at your job harder than you work at your marriage? Do you spend enough time working and thus keep money issues out of your marriage? Is it possible that you spend too much time trying to make your spouse happy that you are making yourself miserable?

If I can sum things up you need to make sure you have balance in your life. Work, family and leisure time balance. Too much time and energy spent on one area of your life might cause issues in other due to neglect. When you have balance you will have marital bliss.

I hope these tips are helpful to you and your spouse. Don’t neglect your partner and your marriage will not just survive but thrive.

Best wishes to you and yours!

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Marriage Issues That Could Lead To Divorce

In every marriage there are issues to deal with from time to time. Sometimes you have unresolved marriage issues that could lead to divorce. It’s a shame that for the most part we all know what we should do to have a great marriage but often times we fail miserably at doing the right things at the right time.

I’ve put together a short list below of marriage issues that could lead to a divorce. This in no way is a complete list. It’s just a few things you need to avoid if you want a better marriage or help fixing a broken marriage.

To Avoid Marriage issues that could lead to divorce, Don’t…..

1. Don’t shut down and shut up
I know when you are living in a very stressful marriage it’s easy to want to close your heart and your mind and ignore your spouse. However, if you are not willing to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse, how can anything be accomplished?

You have a choice to make as it pertains to your marriage. Do you continue to let past experiences control you or wipe the slate clean and begin anew?

I realize that avoiding your spouse may give you peace of mind but the longer you let things remain broken the harder it will be to fix them.

It’s clear to me that shouldn’t let to much time past before you start communicating with your spouse. Have you ever heard of “out of sight, out of mind”. Your spouse needs to know that there is hope. The only way for him/her to know that you still care is that you show it. If you or your spouse becomes hopeless, you may be heading to divorce court.

2. Don’t expect your spouse to be your source of joy
Don’t expect your spouse to fill you with joy and peace all the time. It’s an unrealistic expectation to have and you will be let down. If you’re on an emotional roller coaster based on how your spouse behaves then you will be frustrated and at times resentful. Of course you should expect to be loved, respected and in-turn treat your spouse the same. However, don’t expect your spouse to bring joy and happiness to your life every single day.

3. Don’t withhold intimacy
It’s very common for couples to go through seasons in their marriage where they are at odds. How couples respond to disagreements for the most part will determine how their marriage will fair.

When things are not going so well, some spouses hold back as a form of getting back at their spouse. Some withhold money, some time, some information and some intimacy.

Don’t withhold things that are essential to keeping your marriage strong, like intimacy.

I know it’s hard to be intimate when you are having issues. However, it’s not good practice to withhold intimacy as you could be sending the wrong message to your spouse. Your intention might be to punish. The result could be rejection by your spouse who may in turn be seeking acceptance from someone else.

I can tell you that sometimes infidelity occurs when intimacy is being withheld in a marriage. I’m not telling you this to scare you. I just recommend that you consider the risk anytime you withhold things from your spouse.

I have listed some marriage issues that could lead to divorce in hopes that you will carefully consider the impact these actions could have on your marriage. You need to be considerate of not only your needs but your spouse’s as well. Both of you have to work together to keep your marriage healthy, vibrant and long lasting. I hope this helps!

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Dealing With Husbands Betrayal

Dear Dave: Dealing with my husbands betrayal is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I can’t eat or sleep or even concentrate at work. I have done everything that I know to do to try and move forward but I just can’t. I take two steps forward and two steps back. Sometimes I don’t know if I love him or hate him for betraying our sacred vows. My husband sometimes makes me feel like I pushed him into having an affair by my actions and I sometimes wonder if I played a role in my husband’s betrayal. What do you think I should do?

Sincerely,

Hurting From Husband’s Betrayal, Concord NC

Dear Hurting From Husband’s Betrayal: There are many who believe that you can never really forgive a spouse who cheats on you or if you do it will be short lived. There are others who believe it’s best to end the marriage once infidelity is discovered. The good news is that it doesn’t matter what others think. What matters is that you take all of the steps important to you to heal your broken heart and marriage.

The following tips should help with dealing with husbands betrayal.

  1. Take it one day at a time until you can look ahead. Don’t try to resolve your broken marriage all at once. It most likely took years to build the good marriage you once had. It only took one incident to tear it apart. Don’t think that you have to get it all back at once. Take the necessary time to restore your marriage. If you try to rush to get back your dream marriage you may be disappointed, frustrated and give up.
  2. Don’t compare your situation to others. You may find yourself trying to compare your husband’s betrayal and your marital situation to someone else you know or a marriage you have read about on the internet. Keep in mind that every couple dealing with infidelity has a unique situation. Sure the actions are very similar and even the reasons for cheating might be comparable. However, because you two are unique individuals, your incident of betrayal is unique. It’s ok to understand other couples journey towards healing, don’t get caught up expecting your path to be exactly the same as others.
  3. Move forward and not backwards. It’s important to make positive choices when it comes to trying to heal your broken heart. You need to determine what’s helpful and what’s hurtful to you marriage at this point. For example, if you have the desire to try and work things out with your husband does it make sense to put him out of the house or just out of the bedroom for now? Putting him in another room gives you a sense of separation to let you sort things out. Putting him out of the house may just push him back into his lover’s arms.
  4. Be open about the future. It’s important that you be open about the possibility of trusting again, loving again and being happily married again. If you don’t entertain those thoughts your actions will limit your ability to restore and heal your broken marriage.

I realize that dealing with your husband’s betrayal is extremely painful and not something your life experiences have prepared you for. It’s easy to say or think you know how you will handle infidelity until it really happens to you. I’m sorry you have to deal with your husband’s infidelity. You deserve better.

I’m rooting for you and your husband and hope that your next letter is one that announces your victorious overcoming of your husband’s betrayal.

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Tips For A Successful Marriage

The following tips for a successful marriage will probably help most couples if they really want help. Unfortunately not all spouses want to save their marriage. For one reason or another they would rather see their marriage end than put in the work required to restore it. I don’t know if any or all of the tips listed below will save your marriage. However, I’m convinced that if you do and say the right things, you will have a much better chance of keeping your marriage together.

Tips to help build and keep a successful marriage

  1. Be present for your spouse. It’s so easy to take your spouse for granted after being married for a number of years. I have read that familiarity breeds content. When you are content with your marriage you might stop trying to make it better. It’s easy to start to tune out your spouse and not be present. Sure you might live in the same house but if you are not careful you will be present physically but not mentally or emotionally. Your spouse can find any body to be there physically. Be present so you don’t lose the emotional connection.
  1. Don’t break your marital trust. For most couples who don’t enter their marriage with a lot of premarital issues, trust is automatically in the relationship. For the most part, unless one person is very insecure there is an assumption of trust present. Then the trust is either strengthened or weakened over time. It doesn’t take more than one incident to wipe out years of built trust. Every attempt must be made to keep trust in the relationship if you want to have a successful marriage.
  1. Keep things interesting. It’s important to make time for doing things you enjoy doing together. If you can have fun together you will enjoy being around each other. It’s hard to have a successful marriage if you don’t enjoy each others company. You know you have work to do if your spouse entering a room or calling you is viewed as an annoyance rather than a blessing.
  1. Pay attention to your warning signs. Marriage is like traveling down the road sometimes. When you’re on the road you see signs posted to warn you of potential danger ahead. You also get to see some warning signs in your marriage. For example, if your spouse consistently gravitates to another room whenever you are around, it might be a signal that you are making him or her miserable. Try to figure out where things are going wrong and you will have a good chance of keeping a good marriage.
  1. Be considerate to your soul mate. You may not always understand or agree with your partner’s point of view but try to be considerate of his or her feelings. You can win every argument and feel good about your self but at some point you may drive your spouse away. Consider the fact that having a strong spouse will help you have a successful marriage. Don’t be afraid to admit when you are wrong and acknowledge your spouse when he or she is correct. Your spouse will appreciate your consideration and your marriage will be better for it.

I realize that your marriage may be struggling or possibly on the verge of collapsing. There are so many steps you can take to have a successful marriage. Are you tired of fighting over and over again trying to keep your marriage together? Please know that your marriage can improve. You and your spouse just need to first weather the storm you are in and second do some things differently to chart a new course for your marriage. You chart a new course by learning some new ways of thinking, interacting and put into practice what you know is right. You can’t just read about tips for a successful marriage. You have to act on what you read. Good luck!

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Dealing With The Pain Of Infidelity

The agony and suffering involved with dealing with the pain of infidelity is unbearable to be honest. No one does well with coping with an affair. Sure, I see people often times go about their business as if everything is fine. However, I know the turmoil that is burning on the inside. If you are suffering because of a selfish cheating partner, take heart that this great pain that you are experiencing doesn’t have to define the rest of your life. Pain may endure for a night but joy comes in the morning.

Please forgive me for introducing the term “joy” when you are experiencing anything but joy at this time. It’s a biblical verse that I believe in and I want you to know that peace and restoration is possible for you. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel but trust me many others have traveled down the same road you are on. If you follow the right path, things will get better.

Help With The Pain Of Infidelity

You obviously have some serious decisions to make because of the broken trust in your relationship. What I encourage folks to do is not make any long term impacting decisions until a good amount of time has passed. For example, immediately filing for divorce upon finding out about the cheating is not the best step to take, in my humble opinion. Your anger, resentment and hate for the whole messy situation may be clouding your ability to make rash decisions. I understand the desire to relieve your pain. However, just because you separate it won’t immediately end your pain regarding the infidelity. It’s a short term solution to a long term issue.

I recommend that you take no legal action until you have done the following;

  • Attempted to reconcile your broken relationship
  • Communicated openly and honestly with your cheating partner about the affair and get all of your questions answered
  • Decided what it will take for you to forgive your spouse
  • Forgive your spouse for cheating if all of the things you need to happen do indeed take place
  • Made a commitment to yourself that you won’t take actions to get even with your cheating spouse, as tempting as that may be

I can’t lie to you and tell you that everything will be ok. Infidelity in many cases leads to separation and divorce. However, that’s not every case and it’s not your marriage. You and your cheating spouse have an opportunity to start over. I admit that your marriage will never be the same. It can still be great. You just need to get past the current pain and suffering, and then work on healing and restoring trust.

Recovering from the pain of infidelity is only possible if you want it and allow it to happen. I know it’s possible and I hope you have enough faith to try to work things out. Please move forward with your healing and don’t get stuck too long on reliving the past. Please read more here if you need more guidance on Dealing With Infidelity.

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How To Fix A Marriage

I’m sorry that you are in need of information regarding how to fix a marriage. Unfortunately too many families are struggling with how to fix a broken marriage and keep their family together. My parents were not able to avoid divorce but I hope and pray that you and your spouse can. I hope the following information will help you with some ideas on how to fix your marriage.

I wish that it was as simple as fixing a broken car when it comes to dealing with a failing marriage. With a car you have quite a few options to diagnose and fix the problem. Sometimes you can look at a car or listen to it as it is running and have a pretty good idea what’s wrong with it. If that doesn’t work you can simply plug in one of those devices into the cigarette lighter and interpret a bunch of codes to see where the problem is. If only it was that easy with how to fix a marriage in trouble.

However, what if you could hook spouses up to a fancy machine like a lie detector gadget and have it give you the answers to solve your marriage problems? For example, let’s say you both get wired up and attempt to resolve the following 2 problems.

How To Fix A Marriage – Problems & Solutions

Marriage Problem # 1

You no longer can relate to one another

Marriage Solution # 1

Stop tuning each other out. The most likely reason why you can’t relate anymore is because you stopped listening to each other years ago. Instead of listening your brains are trying to figure out how to steer the conversation the way you want it to go so you can get what you want or have your way. Start to really listen and interact instead of react towards each other. You will be amazed at the improvement listening can make to a relationship.

Marriage Problem # 2

Intimacy has been lost in your relationship

Marriage Solution # 2

Intimacy just like loving each other is a decision. I’m sure you can agree that most people don’t want to go to work everyday but for the most part they do. They may not be thrilled about it but they find the will power to keep getting up and going in. They have a choice and choose to keep going in, because they want to keep their job. The same thing can be said about intimacy. Once you make the decision to improve your intimacy, you just have to do it, what ever “It” is to you.

The first step is to agree that you need to be more intimate. The next step is to decide 3 or 4 things that will make you feel more intimate, as a couple. The final step is to start doing those things and hold each other accountable when they are not being done.

There are so many steps you can take to figure out how to fix a marriage. There are a few more articles I have written, with slightly different tips on how to fix your marriage on this site. Please take your time and read through them. I’m confident that you will find a few steps you can take to make your marriage and life just a little bit better.

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