Why Surviving Infidelity Is Possible

surviving infidelitySurviving infidelity is not easy. Surviving infidelity is possible though despite how it feels when you are dealing with infidelity. I cannot begin to pretend I know how you feel and what pain, anger and resentment you are struggling with.

I do know that there are many couples who have overcome cheating and are living as one with forgiveness and trust in their relationship. It doesn’t take a miracle or supernatural event to heal a broken marriage. What it takes is perseverance, determination, commitment and purpose.

The main reason why I say that surviving an affair is possible is because it’s been done before.

You might be thinking that every relationship is different and it’s like comparing apples to oranges. I agree with you that every situation is somewhat unique. However, I assure you the pain is the same. The level of anger or resentment is pretty much consistent is most cheating situations.

So, I respect your feelings of being uniquely wounded in this situation. However, at the end of the day does it really matter? What really matters is how you are going to recover from infidelity.

Surviving infidelity is a choice. The choice is to move forward, backwards or stay in a depressed, angry state of mind for the rest of your life.

I hope you realize that it is better to move forward and not get stuck in the past or present. To survive infidelity you must make a decision to do so. Once you make the decision it’s important that you let your actions line up with your decision.

You need to take it one day at a time and make sure you are doing things to heal your broken heart and relationship.

There are steps that you can take to get to the place where you can forgive your cheating partner. Once you can forgive then you can move towards trusting again. With forgiveness and trust no longer roadblocks to your healing you are ready to not just survive infidelity but have a loving reconciled relationship.

Please believe that you can survive infidelity. Believing is everything because without it you will struggle and probably fail.

For more help in surviving infidelity, please see here: Surviving Infidelity

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Why Healing After Cheating Is So Incredibly Difficult

Healing after cheating is very difficult. If you have been cheated on you know it’s almost equivalent to death. Clearly you feel as though your relationship has just died. People tell you everything will be alright or that things happen for a reason. Its dumb sayings like those that make you realize that healing after cheating will be a lonely journey you embark on. It’s not that there isn’t any help available to help you get through it. However, there comes a point in time when you need guidance and perspective from someone who has seen infidelity up close and personal.

I would like to share with you 3 reasons why healing after cheating is so hard.

  1. Your mind, body and spirit have been crushed.
  2. It’s difficult to believe that it won’t happen again.
  3. Information overload results in paralysis.

Dealing with an affair means that you have been emotionally and mentally attacked and it’s generally a brutal attack. It doesn’t matter that it isn’t a physical attack. You end up feeling physically weakened as you usually get less sleep and end up not eating right.

When you are not eating and sleeping well and also dealing with negative thoughts and emotions it’s hard to begin healing. Adultery causes most folks to dwell in the now and the past so it’s hard to look forward to the future. Too many individuals try to heal all three things at once and end up falling short of true healing or in some relationships healing takes a lot longer to come about.

I believe you will have a better chance of healing after an affair, if you take it one step at a time. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself to fix everything at once. The first step is making sure you are getting the proper nutrition and rest. It’s hard to think clearly when you are physically drained.

Another reason why healing from an affair is difficult is because your heart will have trouble trusting again. Every step your partner takes will be over analyzed. It will take a while for you to believe that the affair has really ended and that another one will not happen.

One of the keys to surviving an affair is for you to understanding how to deal with emotional setbacks and things you can do to move forward. There is no simple fix you can implement for dealing with infidelity. It’s like being on an island by your self or being in a never ending nightmare. You will have up and down days and nights. How you work through them will determine how well you recover from the affair.

The final reason why dealing with infidelity is so hard is because there is so much information and in some cases misinformation available. There are friends and family members ready, willing and able to offer you advice. There are also a lot of blogs and bloggers with opinions on the matter. How do you decide what’s right for you and your relationship?

My advice is that you limit who and where you get your advice from. Not everyone has your best interest at heart.

Please keep your heart and soul strong and fighting to get through this difficult time in your life and relationship. I’m confident that with the right steps you will come through this stronger and wiser.

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Why Do Young Husbands Cheat On Their New Brides?

cheating husbandCouples spend years planning their dream marriage and life and in a matter of months find a way to throw it all away. Why is it so easy for some men to decide that sleeping with another woman is worth giving up their family? Why do husbands cheat on their young beautiful brides?

It boggles my mind at times what risk some men will take for the thrill of sleeping with other women. Why in the world do they get married, buy a home and have kids only to cheat and destroy the lives of the very individuals they claim to love. There is no simple answer or easy solution to cheating men.

Perhaps one day their will be a strapped on belt that husbands have to wear that can only be opened at home by their spouse. Of course there would be a side hole and tube used for bathroom breaks. I know this sounds extreme but with so many men cheating and breaking up families, how else can wives keep their mindless husbands from sleeping with other women.

I know a 27 year old man who just had a baby with his wife in the spring. It’s was his second child with his first one being about 3 years old. He is now moved into an apartment and headed for divorce, due to infidelity. So he has chosen part time parenting and increased financial burdens for the sake of having the freedom to sleep with whoever he wants to.

There are so many more stories similar to this one. I know a manager in a logistics company who had two little precious children (a boy and a girl). Also, cheated and ended up divorced and splitting time with his wife parenting the kids. He then decided to get one of his workers pregnant and has since married her and now is the proud father of 2 boys and one girl.

So it’s clear that some husbands have a problem keeping their commitment to love and cherish their wives. I believe that the husbands never really loved or cherished their wives and this is why cheating occurs so early in the marriage.

In my humble opinion, it is impossible to love, cherish and honor your wife and family and also sleep with other women.

Why Do Young Husbands Cheat On Their New Brides?

cheating husbands

Result Of Cheating

The answer is because they never really loved them in the first place. I know I have insulted some cheating husbands but let’s be real. A husband who cheats on his new or recently married bride must have married for the wrong reason, such as;

  • Felt pressured into getting married
  • Wanted the physical rewards of being married but not the other aspects of being married
  • Never believed that being faithful was part of the deal

It’s very clear to me that a husband who claims to love his wife and children and cheats on them is either a liar or is in denial. You cannot love your wife and cheat on her. At the very least you love yourself more than you love your wife.

If you are experiencing difficult times in your marriage due to infidelity, please be patient and persistent in trying to save your marriage. Infidelity ruins too many marriages and you don’t have to be one of the broken marriages and families.

If you need help dealing with infidelity, please see here, Dealing With Infidelity

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Why Men Cheat

why men cheatAs sad and shameful as it is, why men cheat has been a question with no simple answer, since the beginning of time. You would think by now there would be a guidebook on how to prevent spouses from having an affair. Men cheat and it’s forgiven by society. When women cheat they are judged way more severe than men.

A range of reasons exist for infidelity to occur. Looking at some of the key circumstances surrounding the breaking of trust, men seeking outside relationships may not know the extent to why they do what they do. This does not excuse the behavior when a partner cheats. Bear in mind while looking at this topic, cheating carries many nuances defined by the structure of each relationship. The key centers around the hiding of the activities leading to a breaking of trust with a partner.

Why Men Cheat

Outside Factors

Events or stressors pressing into the man’s life might trigger a desire for outside companionship. When stated, these reasons carry the falsest notes. They often have deeper reasons underneath them. Men using them as excuses often possess far too little insight to be able to present the true reasons they cheated.

Work and Life Stress: When life becomes overwhelming, some men find the concept of investing in the one stable relationship alien. They turn to something new requiring less investment. Stress will likely destroy the new relationships as the man has not found healthy ways to cope with stress.

Boredom: By using boredom as an excuse for infidelity, the man indicates his lack of depth. A person willing to destroy as stable place because they want a taste of something interesting means they were likely not worth having a long term relationship with to begin with.

Confusion About Relationships

Men who cheat adopt an unrealistic and twisted view of what relationships and their roles within them mean. Everyone likes to believe their partner understands the way to move forward. Unfortunately, things can short circuit the relational development of someone. One of the biggest impediments leading to a misguided view of relationships and their ups and downs comes from the model a partner possesses. A man growing up in a house where either infidelity ran rampant or quiet desperation fueled by silence gave them the idea of acceptable behaviors leading them to cheating. Keep in mind, the person’s actions are their own regardless of the things they learned.

Why Men Cheat

Escape and Excitement

Some men seek something they are not finding in the environment of their current relationship. These things point to an overall immaturity. Let’s look at what and how they demonstrate a lack of growth.

Excitement: The idea of the new can be alluring. Starting something can carry promise of things being different or allow exploration in avenues feeling choked by the current relationship. After several years and broken relationship, a wise person will see the roller coaster of infidelity takes a toll on everyone, including the man who cheats.

Escape: A person incapable of being emotionally honest may use an affair as a path of release from the relationship. What would cause someone to hurt another when a difficult and honest conversation would suffice? An immature person will seek freedom by the easiest path, including having their partner break up with them.

Infidelity, much like fidelity, is a choice. There are millions of excuses in several facets including biological, psychological and relational. When evaluating these reasons, they all fall back on one thing. The one who cheated made a choice to do it. Finding a way out of the aftermath can be difficult. It is important to realize a hard truth often bears out. Life is better when couples are open, honest and trusting.

I don’t know what challenges you are facing in your relationship. I do know that if it’s infidelity it’s one of the most difficult thing, besides losing a loved one, you will face in life. There is hope though. If you want guidance on dealing with why men cheat, see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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Cheating Husband – 3 Tips To Stop Your Husband From Cheating

cheating husbandYou have a cheating husband and are at a loss on how to fix this heart breaking dilemma. There are a few things at work here that you need to understand and I would like to share them with you. There is a reason why your husband is cheating. I know I’m stating the obvious but not everyone understands the importance of coming to grips with this realization. One of the keys to preventing or stopping your husband from cheating is, understanding why he is cheating or getting ready to have an affair.

Tip # 1 – Stopping A Cheating Husband

Don’t make it easy for him to cheat. There are steps you should take to make it difficult for your husband to cheat. One of them is making sure he knows that you don’t have blind trust. By that I mean you aren’t naive enough to trust that his relationships with other women are on a “we are just friends” basis. It is nearly impossible for a husband and another women to spend a significant amount of time together and not form some type of affection or attraction towards one another. It may not start out that way but it will surely end that way. Don’t give your husband the green light to cheat by allowing him to have unchecked friendly relationships with other women.

Tip # 2 – Stopping A Cheating Husband

Give him good reasons not to cheat. One of the things cheating husbands will say is that the reason they cheated was because their wife pushed them into an affair. I believe in some situations it’s true. I’m not saying the husband isn’t at fault. However, there are things that happen in a relationship that push the other spouse away, such as;

  • Rejection
  • Inconsistent behavior
  • Moodiness
  • Lack of care or attention to the relationship
  • Emotional abuse

If the relationship is going through rough times and a husband feels as though he is being pushed aside or out, he might feel justified in cheating.

To reduce the chances of your husband cheating love him more than you despise him. Make sure he would rather be around you than apart from you. Keep the relationship such that he doesn’t stay away from you just to find peace.

Tip # 3 – Stopping A Cheating Husband

Stay connected to your husband. It’s easy to lose touch with each other as years go by and spouses get used to each other. Love is assumed to be present but is it really. I have heard it said that familiarity breeds content. Are you settling for content or are you striving for better. No relationship is perfect but if you are satisfied with where you are, one of you may grow tired of the same old same old and want a change. To help stop your husband from cheating, never give up trying to improve your emotional and physical connection to your husband. It’s just one more way to make it hard for him to have an affair.

A cheating husband is not what you expected to be confronted with in your marriage. Some women marry the wrong guy and for the most part know what they are getting into. If her husband was a known cheat before the marriage, in reality his wife suspected that he would cheat on her. It doesn’t make it any easier when it actually happens.

I hope the above tips help you in some way deal with your cheating husband. If you need more insight on dealing with infidelity, and a husband who cheats, see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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3 Reasons Why Infidelity Can Be Overcome

Infidelity is disgusting and has wrecked families and altered generations from the beginning of time. Some things have gotten better in our advanced society but marital commitment is not one of them. I have seen time and time again, families torn apart as a result of selfish behavior by a cheating spouse. Sure, everyone has had to fight the temptation to cheat if you have been married long enough. Hopefully, you have had the power to resist. If you or your spouse has fallen into the lust trap, here are three reasons you can hang your hat on regarding overcoming infidelity.

3 Reasons Why Infidelity Can Be Overcome

Reason 1 – Love is more powerful than bitterness. If you actually loved your spouse prior to the affair, you will be more likely to stay together. You see, love has a strange way of melting away bitterness and resentment. Love is not just a feeling but an action. You can choose to hate your spouse for cheating or decide to forgive and try to move forward together. It’s not easy to love someone who has hurt you so bad, but you can.

Reason 2 – It’s been done millions of times before. If every couple dealing with infidelity documented their road to success, we could have a blueprint to resolving infidelity. Unfortunately each case is unique and thus has to be overcome accordingly. It’s not that you can’t walk the same path as others and by all means you should find out from others how they made it. The fact of the matter is though that you have a good chance to overcome infidelity in your marriage.

Reason 3 – You know what it takes to get your marriage healed. No one knows better than you what it will take to right the wrong in your marriage. You have keen insight into your spouse’s heart as well as yours. Fixing the broken and crushed hearts is not scientific or even complicated. If you and your spouse humble yourselves and commit to trying to work things out, your marriage can be healed.

Infidelity is a beast, no doubt. It’s ugly, painful and crippling to your life and marriage. If you find yourself in the beginning stages of working through infidelity, keep at it. The quicker you figure out what you need to get over this obstacle the sooner your pain will slowly fade away and be replaced with love again. Better days are ahead so hang in there.

For more guidance on dealing with infidelity, please see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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How To Deal With Marriage Problems

Learning how to deal with marriage problems is not easy for most spouses. You were not taught how to overcome marriage problems. Perhaps you were taught how to control your behavior but if you are like most individuals, no one ever told you what kind of problems you would encounter during your marriage. The good news is that it’s never too late to learn how to wrestle with marriage issues.

Dealing With Marriage Problems

One of the keys to dealing with marriage problems is getting a true understanding of what the problem is. This is harder than you think and most people fail to get to the heart of the issues. If you don’t focus on the right issues you will find yourself constantly frustrated and stuck in a marital rut. Unfortunately because couples often times don’t learn how to deal with marriage problems they end up divorced.

Common Marriage Problems

There are no new marriage problems. Every problem you are dealing with in your marriage has been dealt with before. You may feel alone and abandoned during this difficult time in your marriage and life. This will tend to make you frustrated and perhaps depressed. Don’t worry, you are not alone. Here are a few common marriage problems;

  • Failing to communicate
  • Different feelings about what to spend money on
  • Not spending enough quality time together
  • Putting other things or people ahead of your marriage and family
  • Lost physical attraction
  • Disagreements on how to raise the kids
  • Not getting along with in-laws

There are many more marriage problems that individuals have to overcome. Here are 3 tips for you to consider as you move forward;

  1. Have honest conversations with your spouse in a quite place regarding your marriage frustrations.
  2. Treat your spouse and marriage with respect. Your marriage problems will be much less if your spouse feels loved and respected.
  3. Make your spouse and marriage a high priority in your life.

Problems in a marriage are very common. How you go about resolving your marriage problems will influence the outcome of your marriage. Handle your problems the right way at the right time and your need to learn how to deal with marriage problems will quickly disappear.

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Healing And Surviving His Affair

Not many women are equipped emotionally to deal with their husband’s affair. The initial hearing of the news knocks you off your feet so hard you can’t imagine getting back up. The sad truth is that some couples don’t make it. Surviving his affair is difficult but not impossible. You should take heart that over 80% of couples stay together after an affair. Healing of your broken heart and fractured marriage is definitely possible if that’s what you and your husband desire.

For some reason husbands cheat more between the ages of 35 to 54 and after being married for 6 years or more. I don’t think there is any known reasoning behind those stats but it just happens to be so.

I’m sure you have more questions than answers about your husband’s infidelity. Listed below are a few of the common questions wives have after their husband has cheated;

  1. Why won’t my husband share the details?
  2. Will he cheat again?
  3. Why did he do it?
  4. Will our relationship ever get back to the way it was before?
  5. Should I stay or should we get a divorce?

Let’s explore some of the questions noted above.

Why won’t my husband share the details?

It’s an embarrassing and awkward situation your husband has gotten himself into. On the one hand he wants to work through the affair. On the other hand he probably believes that the less he talks about the affair the quicker it will go away and your marriage can move forward. What he most likely doesn’t realize is that you need closure before any healing can occur.

Will he cheat again?

This is one of the questions that will stay with you for a long time. It will become less of an issue as you learn to trust him again. My experience has been that once you have overcome your fears you will not be consumed with wondering if your husband will cheat again. By that I mean if you are doing your best to make your marriage work and keep your husband fulfilled, you won’t worry about him cheating.

Why did he do it?

You probably know deep down inside why he cheated. Trust your gut feeling when it comes to why your husband cheated. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just one thing that led him to having an affair but rather a number of issues. Sometimes it’s just a selfish mindset that will lead a husband to have an affair or in many cases a sense of entitlement.

Will our relationship ever get back to the way it was before?

The short answer is that it certainly can. Millions of couples have overcome infidelity and there is no reason to believe that your marriage can’t. You can have a better marriage than you had before the affair.

Should I stay or should we get a divorce?

At the very least you should try to work things out. No one except you can answer this question. Don’t make a quick irrational emotional decision. Take your time and try to heal your broken heart before you decide what to do.

Healing is a requirement if you want to survive an affair. Your husband must repent and turn from his hurtful selfish behavior. You will need to be practical and patient during this difficult time. In the end you want to know that you did your part to heal your broken marriage.

Time alone will not heal your marriage. However, taking the proper actions will help you heal and survive your husband’s affair.

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3 Changes To Make If You Wish To Save Your Marriage

Do you really want to save your marriage or do you want to simply avoid the embarrassment of being divorced? For some spouses if they could quietly end the marriage they would do so in a heart beat. If you aren’t ready to end your marriage, why not make some changes to save your marriage? I mean if you have to stay together, why not make it fun, loving and interesting again?

I’m offering you 3 simple changes you can make, starting today that can help you keep your marriage together. These suggestions aren’t mind blowing or earth shattering. However, if what you have tried thus far isn’t working why not give these three suggestions a try?
Save Your Marriage – Tip # 1

Don’t argue with your spouse for 90 days. Take a 90 day sabbatical from fighting, yelling at, name calling or bad mouthing your spouse. Take time to retrain your mind and change your attitudes. We are all creatures of habit. We do the things we are accustomed to do. If you have been snipping and nitpicking your spouse on a daily basis it’s hard to stop. If you really want to save your marriage and avoid separation or divorce, take a break for 90 days.

It’s important that your words and actions line up. You also should be kind, pleasant and respectful to your spouse. It won’t help your marriage if you say nice things but do mean stuff. Your actions will speak louder than your words.

Save Your Marriage – Tip # 2

Live in the present not the past. If you want to move forward and have a great marriage you have to let go of past offenses. I know it might feel good to have your spouse feel guilty about some past behaviors. It can make you feel victorious. However, you have to make a choice. Do you win all of the arguments but lose your spouse forever or do you forgive past offenses and move forward? It’s a simple choice if you ask me.

Save Your Marriage – Tip # 3

Plan your marriage restoration. As I mentioned above, habits are hard to break. If you had a habit of ignoring your spouse or taking the opposite side of every issue, it will take a lot of work to change your behavior. One way to do it is to start off planning your actions. Why not look ahead and plan on winning your spouse back.

For example, you can schedule time to call your spouse or do kind acts for your spouse. Think about how you can make your spouses’ day go better. Once you figure that out just make plans to get it done.

The above save your marriage tips are just a few simple steps you can take to save your marriage. Just imagine how stress free your marriage can be in 90 days. Whatever you do don’t give up on your marriage. For more tips on how to save your marriage, see here;
Save Your Marriage

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Why Dealing With Infidelity Is So Hard

Why dealing with infidelity is so hard is not something you want to be thinking about. However, dealing with infidelity may be one of the hardest obstacles you will ever face in life. It’s not as bad a losing a loved one but its right up there. There are a few things in life that result in great emotional pain and stress and dealing with an affair is one of them. I have some thoughts on why dealing with infidelity is very hard as outlined below.

Why Dealing With Infidelity Is So Hard

why dealing with infidelity is so hard

Dealing With Infidelity Is Hard

Trust is easy to gain in a marriage but extremely difficult to get back when it’s lost. For most couples the marriage takes place based on blind trust. There is for the most part no opportunity to build up trust in the relationship. There is perceived love and based on that perception trust is present in the relationship. The problem is usually the trust was given but not earned. It’s like a bubble just waiting to burst. As soon as the infidelity happens that thin bubble pops and it’s very hard to repair it. Replace the bubble with a broken heart. Once your heart is crushed, its hard to forgive and trust the person who has betrayed you.

Recovering from infidelity requires you to be able to look pass the offense and communicate effectively about the past, present and future. At some point you will need to sit-down and discuss the affair. All of the relevant details must be discussed. I’m not talking about the physical aspects of the affair but the emotional ones. During the communicating sessions there must be honest/open conversations. You must be ready to talk and not argue or fight about the affair. If you are not ready to have civil conversations about the affair, dealing with infidelity might not end successfully.

Restoring a certain level of trust is necessary to deal successfully with infidelity. You have to trust that you can be honest and open. If you can’t have a candid conversation that ends in a positive manner, it will be hard to start the healing process. It’s also hard to recover from infidelity if lying is going on during the restoration process. Although it will be hard to do, you must respect each other. Healing will happen as long as you and your spouse don’t get in the way.

Dealing with infidelity requires deciding what the future will hold. Do you want a future together or would you rather fight over the next 12 months focusing on the pain and destructive behavior? It’s really a choice you need to make. Focus on the past or the future. Work on repaying your spouse or re-igniting the romance with your spouse.

I have no doubt in my mind that you can find success in dealing with infidelity. You will not be the first ones to overcome cheating in a relationship. However, you can be like millions of others who have recovered from an affair. You will no longer be wondering why dealing with infidelity is so hard.

I’m very sorry if you are in the midst of dealing with infidelity. I don’t take lightly the difficulties and challenges you are facing. Please understand and believe that your relationship can be healed. It doesn’t mean that your marriage will necessarily survive the affair. However, with a healed heart and a forgiving spirit you have a good chance of overcoming the cheating. For more guidance on getting past the affair, see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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