How To Fix Your Marriage

Posted on May 12, 2012 by admin

Marriage failure or breakdown is all too common these days with many couples giving up on learning how to fix their marriage. The unfortunate thing about marriage problems is that because of built up resentment and frustration it’s difficult to learn how to fix your marriage.

One of the most important steps to take in fixing your marriage is being determined to change yourself and let your spouse change his or herself.

What happens in many relationships is that one of the spouses gets caught up trying to change their spouse instead of working on improving them self.

If you aren’t careful you can easily make the mistake of spending all of your time and energy trying to fix your marriage by changing your spouse. Just think about all of the pointless arguments you have or use to have as you tried to get your spouse to change. If only you could turn back the clock and use your time more wisely. How different would your marriage be?

Would you need to figure out how to fix your marriage if you had a chance to start over? Well, I know it’s not possible to turn back the hand of time. However, it is possible to restore and repair your broken marriage. It’s sort of like starting over.

Tips To Fix Your Marriage

  1. Stop fighting with your spouse immediately. You have the opportunity to make the decision to fight with your spouse or be the mature and reasonable one. I’m not suggesting that you let your spouse get his or her way all the time but you don’t have to participate in meaningless and hurtful fighting. A simple rule to follow is that if isn’t about a matter critical to your marriage relationship, let it go. The only fighting you need to be involved in is fighting to save your marriage.
  2. Don’t betray your spouse. It is very easy to want to get even or make your spouse suffer when you are hurting and angry. This can lead to you doing something that you later regret or worse something that you can’t undo. Make sure that you treat your spouse respectfully and don’t do or say things behind your spouses back that you will later regret. This can destroy your marriage faster than you think.
  3. Go out of your way to celebrate the good in your marriage. If you have anything good in your relationship then why not take the time to acknowledge it and build on that. There is usually something that you can find to celebrate with your spouse. The fact that you are still married should be appreciated. Why not simply let your spouse know that you are grateful that despite your struggles, you are glad that you are still together. You can open the door to reconciliation by simply letting down your guard and being open, honest and thankful.

I’m convinced that fixing your marriage is not just about working on your marriage differences but working on the right things, in the right order. Again, what a shame when couples are interested in saving their marriage but because they waste time and energy addressing the wrong issues they lose hope and give up.

Please don’t let pride, selfishness or resentment get in the way of saving your marriage. You didn’t get married to the love of your life temporarily. You intended to marry until death do you part. I don’t suggest you kill your spouse so why not improve your marriage and restore the love, trust and happiness?

You can learn how to fix your marriage. Please use the resources on the help in marriage site to help you with fixing your marriage.

 

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Is There Hope For Your Marriage?

Posted on April 28, 2012 by admin

Your marriage might be months, weeks or days away from ending and you probably are wondering if it’s really going to end. If you are like some couples you or your spouse are probably holding on by a thread waiting for either the right time financially or perhaps for the kids to get older before you officially end your marriage. Unfortunately you have been disconnected emotionally for some time. Perhaps you wonder if there is still hope for your marriage.

The good news is that you are not divorced yet. The bad news is that you might have grown to detest, resent and barely tolerate each other. The better news is that feelings and emotions can be changed and you can restore your marriage if that’s what you would like to do. I can tell you that although divorce might look like a viable option and many couples take that path, it’s not the best option, unless there is abuse in the marriage.

Many spouses long for the days when they could fight and make up the next day by apologizing, buying a make up gift and perhaps sealing the apology with a romantic evening. For too many couples, joy is experienced when silence rules the day and avoiding each other at all costs is the goal of the day. You know, working late or leaving super early just to miss seeing their spouse. Perhaps some spouses pretend to fall asleep early to skip conversations or arguments.

I can understand why you might feel hopeless, lonely and frustrated if you are hanging on by a thread in your marriage. It is not the marriage that you signed up for nor is it the marriage that you should stay in. However, I recommend that you fix your marriage and not quit your marriage.

I think a good place to start is figuring out what is causing or has caused you the biggest pain in your relationship and then figure out how to chip away at it until it’s removed our tolerable.

For example, let’s say that your spouse has ignored you or disrespected you for quite some time now and that has lead to many of the problems that you now have. One of the things that I suggest you do is start immediately removing the barriers that are preventing you from addressing this issue.

I know this might be too simple for some to understand but relationships really are simple. We make them out to be super complicated and we seek medication to help deal with the stress and therapy to tell us what we want to hear.

Let’s say that you and your spouse have gotten used to insulting, or saying hurtful or disrespectful things to each other. What this does is prevent any forgiveness or healing to come into your relationship. It’s like have an open wound and continuing to pick at it, which prevents it from ever healing.

Slowly but surely stop participating in such behavior. If you change how you communicate your spouse will have no choice to respond in like manner. It won’t happen overnight but within about a week of you being respectful and encouraging your spouse will feel strange and most likely start following your lead.

Why don’t you make a list of those things that are blocking your healing? Figure out what’s really standing in the way of you saying these words to your spouse, “I’m sorry for the way I have treated you over the last year, and I hope that you can forgive me”.

Can you see your self making this statement? If you can then it’s quite possible that there is hope for your marriage. What you will be doing is taking responsibility for the attitudes, words, actions that you have taken over the course of your marriage that has helped to build up the barriers.

Now, back to the things that are blocking your healing! You need to learn how to communicate better and restore the basic foundations of trust and respect in your marriage. It isn’t that the two of you have forgotten how to respect or trust people. You do it every single day when you interact with co-workers, friends or family. You just have grown to treat each other as enemies instead of friends. What you need is a truce and a treaty.

A truce to vow to stop hurting each other and a treaty to set the ground for your marriage restoration! There is hope for your marriage. Please don’t give up yet.

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Recovering From A Cheating Husband

Posted on April 21, 2012 by admin

Where do you start with recovering from a cheating husband? With so many decisions to make and so many mixed emotions it is difficult to focus and move forward when your husband cheats on you. I know that you are hurting and want to make the right decision. My first suggestion is that you don’t make a quick decision that you will later regret.

It is very easy to let your anger, embarrassment or fear, cloud your judgment. I’m sure that you feel betrayed and can’t see yourself ever forgiving him and definitely not being intimate with him again.

The good news is that you don’t have to forgive him today or tomorrow. You also don’t have to be intimate with him today or tomorrow. Please don’t worry about the future when you are dealing with a painful issue that needs to be overcome in time. This issue might seem as though it happened overnight but the healing and recovery process takes time, so don’t think it all has to be resolved in a week.

I must confess that your husband’s infidelity will probably be the most difficult marital problem that you will ever face. There are some questions that you will need answers to and you deserve to have them answered. However, I would suggest that you take some time and think about what has happened and why. The other thing that I would recommend is that you only ask questions that you feel will move you closer to understanding, healing and reconciliation.

The common questions that women want their cheating husband to answer are;

  1. Why did he cheat?
  2. Who is he having an affair with?
  3. How long has the infidelity been going on?
  4. Is it over?
  5. Does he love her?
  6. Is this the only cheating the husband has done?
  7. Who else knows about the affair?

You might have similar questions or a long list of things you want to know. The best thing to do is write them down and keep the list so you can refer back to it if necessary. This will give you a reference point to see if you are making progress toward your recovery.

The question you need to ask yourself is “what do I need to recover from”? The answer to this question is not as obvious as many think it is. Sure you need to recover from your husband’s adultery but there is more than just his cheating.

Your husband has deceived you and your trust has been broken. You need to recover your faith, trust and hope.

Your husband’s cheating might also might have taken some of your self esteem away and you need to recover that.

Your husband’s cheating most likely has taken away your joy and zest for life and you need to figure out how to get that back.

The key to recovering from a cheating husband is by knowing how to identify the important things that you need to happen in order for you to be healed. If you can put off making any rash decisions, then you will most likely begin to put your life back together.

Please remember that you are not alone and don’t have to walk this difficult path by yourself.

You can find other helpful articles on this site to get some ideas on how to best recover from husbands cheating ad begin living life again.

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Saving Your Marriage When You Have Lost Your Job

Posted on April 14, 2012 by admin

The economic downturn started in 2008 and hasn’t been kind to families or marriages. The unemployment rate has remained above 10 percent in some states and if you are struggling financially it most likely is hurting your marriage. Although maintaining your current lifestyle might be important to you, saving your marriage should be at the top of your priority list.

It hurts to not be able to see your way out of a financial crisis. You find yourself consumed by the thought of losing your home, cars and way of life. The thought of filing for bankruptcy is overwhelming and can put a lot of stress on your life and marriage. So how can you save your marriage when all else seems hopeless?

You have a simple choice to make and it is this. Do you turn away from each other and let the financial stress split you up or do you bond together and work together to overcome this chapter in your life?

I know you are thinking it’s much more complicated than that and I don’t understand. Well, I know it’s not easy but I know that it is possible to draw closer together and ride out the storm together. I have been in the same storm that you are in and I can attest that there are a couple of steps that you can take to save your marriage and I have noted them below.

  1. Don’t Let Fear Consume You. If you let it fear of the unknown will take over your life and could ruin your marriage. When facing your obstacles or giants, it is important to understand that your worst fears will probably never be realized. The other important thing is to be confident that life will go on and that you have what it takes to make things better. You didn’t get to where you are today by being gripped with fear. You also won’t get to where you need to be by being fearful.
  2. Don’t Stop Living. It is easy when you are dealing with your problems to stop doing the things that you love to do. I understand that financially you can’t do what you use to do. However, is there anything stopping you for spending an afternoon at the local park? How about renting a movie and pooping some popcorn? Please don’t let stress suck the life out of you and ruin your marriage.
  3. Lean On Each Other. You will find more strength and answers to your problems if you put your hearts and heads together. Who better than the person you vowed to love in sickness and in health until death do you part? Saving your marriage and your future will be easier if you work with and not against each other.
  4. Don’t Let Pride Get In Your Way. I know it’s hard to let others into your world and see what’s going on. Sometimes you can sub-consciously reject help being offered to you and miss out on a wonderful blessing. There are often times people in and around your life waiting to help you get through tough times. Don’t let pride stand in the way of you getting over the hump and perhaps saving the marriage that you so love.

I hope and pray that you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel and start getting your life and marriage back in order. Saving your marriage should be one of your most important priorities. There is strength in numbers so make sure that you work together and you will see that your marriage can be saved.

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Can You Save A Dead Marriage?

Posted on April 3, 2012 by admin

Is it possible to save a dead marriage when all love is lost and the only feelings remaining are anger, resentment and bitterness? Before you answer the question, please read through this and then see if you feel the same way.

Do you believe that a marriage can survive public humiliation, infidelity, dishonest and downright disgusting inappropriate behavior? Well, if you don’t think that it is possible might I remind you of a pretty well known couple who had their marriage ripe with infidelity and mistruths on public display for probably a year or more. I mean, he just happened to be the President of The United States Of America and she was The First Lady. If my memory serves me correctly, they are still married today.

Might I share another true story with you about a couple who fell out of love, went through the bitter divorce thing and tried to destroy each other’s reputation? This couple went as far as getting divorced and the wife actually married someone else. Their marriage was as dead as a marriage could be. Believe it or not, they ended up reconciling their differences some 10 years later and now they are happily married.

I realize these are extreme cases of the need to save a dead marriage but your marriage doesn’t have to go through such turbulent times to feel dead. Unfortunately, many couples are living together but for all practical purposes, are separated.

It doesn’t happen overnight but have you noticed that you don’t spend enough time together to even know if you still love each other? It’s hard to be best friends or support each other when you rarely talk.

The good news is that you don’t have to let your marriage drift until it officially ends when the divorced papers are signed. Today could be the start of reviving your so called dead marriage. Can you think of a better time to begin saving your marriage than today?

Can I tell you what I would do if I were you? I would take an hour or two before I went to sleep tonight and think about all of the areas in my marriage that I need to improve in. I would only focus on my shortcomings and not my spouses. Next I would jot down the top 5 to 10 things and rank them from 1 to 5 or 10 with 1 being the highest priority and 5 or 10 being the lowest priority.

The next thing that I would suggest that you do is ask your spouse for a few minutes of his or her time. I would then issue a sincere apology to my spouse for not living up to my marriage vows and meeting my spouse’s needs.

Then I would ask for a hug and a good night kiss and leave it at that for today. Hold onto the list because it contains the keys to saving your marriage.

What a dead marriage needs in my humble opinion is a spark. Spouses need to have a sense that something good can come of what has been bad for so long. If you and your spouse wanted to end the marriage, it would have happened already. The fact that you are still together tells me that there is still hope.

I think that I have also illustrated above that even a marriage that has ended in divorce can be reconciled. At the heart of it all is hope and forgiveness.

Can you save a dead marriage? Absolutely! Why not start today turning your marriage around?

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Saving A Marriage – Tips That Work

Posted on March 22, 2012 by admin

When it comes to saving a marriage, you might feel as though you’re fighting a losing battle. Some marriages just don’t seem to work out but just as many do, so why can’t your marriage be one of the fortunate ones that make it? Saving your marriage is possible and the following tips should help.

The first step to saving a marriage is sitting down and having an honest conversation with your partner. I’m sure that you are thinking “been there and done that”. However, have you really taken the time to let your spouse know how you feel inside instead of what is on your mind? It’s hard to express yourself sometimes when you are angry and frustrated. Very often conversations turn into debates of arguments. Please make some time to sit down with your spouse, and open up about how you feel, your marriage restoration will be easier if you do.

Another part of keeping your marriage is understanding what the real issues are. It’s obvious to most spouses what the problems are but believe it or not, very often couples are unsure what the underlying issues are. What many individuals figure out is that they are unhappy and need a change. If you ask them specifically what’s wrong they have a hard time describing it. What you hear is “we have so many problems it’s hard to say for sure”. So if you think you know what your marital problems are, please make sure that you are correct by discussing it with your spouse. Your marriage is too important to leave it up to assumptions.

Another tip for saving your marriage is going above and beyond what you would normally do. One way of thinking about this is that you should wake up each morning with the intention of doing things in your partner’s life to make it better. In other words, it shouldn’t all be about you. You should be thinking about things you can do to make your partner happy and more content in their daily life. They should also be thinking the same way about you. Having a one-sided relationship is never a good thing.

Also, don’t give to get in your relationship. If you only do and say things in order to get something in return you are treating your marriage like a business and not like a loving relationship. You should practice giving without any expectation of getting something in return. For example, you don’t compliment your spouse for the purpose of getting a compliment back. Another example is surprising your spouse with a gift and being disappointed when you don’t get anything back.

If saving your marriage is important to you then keep fighting to you get the marriage you so desire. There is no guarantee that your marriage will be saved. However, if you take the right steps now, you will give your marriage the best chance of thriving and not just surviving.

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Save Your Marriage – 9 Unforgettable Tips That Can Help

Posted on March 10, 2012 by admin

In my humble opinion there are two basic reasons why some couples fail to overcome their marital issues. First, they quite honestly don’t know how to resolve their differences. The second reason is because one or both of the individuals are selfish and unwilling to put aside their desires for the good of the marriage.

save your marriageIs your marriage heading down the wrong path and if you don’t see some changes you fear that you might not be able to save your marriage? Marriage problems are common but why do some couples overcome them while others get crushed emotionally and spiritually and end up divorced? Read more here; Save Your Marriage

 

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Marriage Self Help

Posted on March 3, 2012 by admin

If you find yourself struggling and in need of marriage self help, please don’t despair. There is still hope for your marriage and although it would be nice if you both could go to counseling you can help your marriage in many practical ways.

I know you are hurting and probably a little scared. You probably have recently reached the conclusion that you are no longer in love or perhaps that your spouse no longer loves you. Well, believe it or not it is very normal for spouses to fall in and out of love a number of times during their married life. I know it doesn’t feel normal when you are going through it but trust me, it is normal.

I hope you haven’t been to frustrated if you have been trying to get into a marriage class or see a counselor, but your spouse is unwilling to go. Can I tell you that not every couple is ready for marriage counseling! In fact, a friend of our family happened to attend marriage counseling many years ago and he reached the conclusion that the counseling session confirmed his belief that divorce was the only option.

Now, please don’t think that I’m against marriage counseling. However, I do think that it’s helpful when both spouses are interested in saving the marriage and not doing it for selfish reasons.

The good news is that even if you are in the down cycle in your marriage and have very little left to give, you can still pull it together and restore your marriage. If you are still married then there is still time to rescue your marriage and head off the divorce.

Statistics show that 86% of couples who stick it out and work on their marriage are much happier down the road and enjoy the fruits of their labor. What you end up with is a marital situation where both spouses are more attentive to the others needs (emotional and physical).

So where do you start?

Well, marriage self help really begins simply by setting aside your differences and making some time to reconnect and work on your marriage. What happens very often is that because of years of little problems going unresolved, there is a lack of trust, respect and appreciation for each other. You don’t erase all of the bad feelings and karma overnight but day by day, week by week and month by month you can reverse the marital discourse.

What I always suggest is that you start with being reverent towards each other, which to me means you, “regard or treat each other with deep respect”.

If you and your spouse don’t feel in love at the moment at the very least you should be able to respect each other and this includes;

  • Being considerate and mindful of things you say to each other that are hurtful and disrespectful.
  • Treating each other as family and not as an enemy.
  • Not allowing negative comments about each other to be made to anyone other than each other (no bad mouthing each other to friends or family).

The second thing that I would suggest, to get marriage self help underway, is to force your selves to spend time together. You can’t begin to reconnect unless you connect. How can you rekindle, reignite or restore your love for each other if you don’t spend time together.

You don’t have to make a big production out of it or put unrealistic expectations on yourselves. Just get in the habit of asking things like, “Can I help you with this” or “Do you mind if I come along” or “Would you mind going with me”? YOU MUST INVITE EACH OTHER TO PARTAKE IN THE MARRIAGE, FOR MARRIAGE SELF HELP TO WORK!

Take advantage of opportunities that you have to spend time together. Please don’t view it as time you get to enjoy apart from your spouse. The more you get used to doing things without your spouse, the higher the wall is being built between you. Why not start tearing down the walls instead of continuing to build them.

Marriage self help doesn’t have to be overly complicated or intense. Please don’t give up and start somewhere. The worse thing that you can do is do nothing and let your marriage continue to crumble. You can save it and you can start today. I hope that you believe in marriage self help because it works.

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Save The Marriage – 3 Things You Must Do After You Agree To Fix Your Marriage

Posted on February 19, 2012 by admin

Trying to save the marriage when all you do is fight, get agitated, cry and think about divorcing is challenging to say the least. Let’s be frank about it. Life sucks when your marriage is falling apart. Please don’t give up yet.

For many folks, it’s hard to continue to press on when there is little hope of restoring their marriage. That’s why the divorce rate continues to escalate.

You see, Marriage Problems + No Hope = Divorce

Well, we are glad that your marriage still has hope and you believe that you can save the marriage. You might be getting advice that contradicts keeping your marriage and I can understand why. No one wants to see you suffer with marital frustration and marital discourse day after day.

The good news is that there are some steps that you can take to fix your marriage after you agree to fight to save the marriage. I like to think of the following steps as mandatory if you want to save your marriage.

Save The Marriage Tips

The first thing you need to do is let go of the past mishaps and start anew. Please don’t misunderstand me when I say let go of the past. I’m not in any way asking you to pretend as though the problems you have been dealing with have disappeared. However, there comes a time in your marriage when if you are not careful you can get stuck in the past and never move forward to the future.

I want to encourage you to just be careful and watch what you say and do and make sure you don’t fall back on old habits. Don’t find fault with your spouse and immediately jump to the conclusion that your marriage has no chance of surviving. Leave a little room for error and judge not on what you see today but what you might have in the future.

The next suggestion that I would make to save the marriage is backing up your promises with action. It is very easy to make promises or commitments in the heat of the battle with your soul mate. This is a big deal when you are trying to put your marriage back on solid footing. The key is to build trust back into your marriage and other problems will begin to become easier to tackle.

You see, Trust + Hope = A New Beginning

Isn’t that what you want, a new beginning? Well, you can give your marriage a chance by not holding onto the past and making sure you do what you say you are going to do. Rebuild trust in your marriage and you will have an easier time saving it.

Finally, the third step you need to take after you agree to save the marriage is be clear on what you want and expect. This seems so simple but yet is at the heart of many marital problems.

Please don’t leave it to chance that your marriage survives. So many times couples make assumptions that in the end hurt their chances of getting back together.

You know what they say happens when you assume. So, make sure that you don’t try to guess what each other want or needs. Why not ask the extra question or make the need that you have clear.

What I see and hear about a lot is “If my spouse loved me he or she would know what I need or want”. If you aren’t careful your marriage will end in divorce and you will forever be wondering, what could have been.

In conclusion, you definitely have the potential to fix your broken marriage.  Just seize the moment now and let go of the past, keep your newly made promises and be clear about your needs and desires. Follow these steps move closer towards marriage reconciliation.

If you need more tips on rebuilding your marriage, please read more here; Save The Marriage

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Marriage Advice Books – Love Them Or Leave Them?

Posted on February 14, 2012 by admin

How many marriage advice books have you read or browsed through and still find yourself struggling to fix your marriage? For some reason many couples read the advice in a marriage book but there just isn’t an “Aha” moment. Is the marriage guidance bad or is the denial of the truth or refusal to change the issue?

I must admit that many of the books you see in the bookstore or on-line are tempting and hard to pass up. One thing that I know for sure is that if you are dealing with marriage problems you want relief and fast. Life is depressing and difficult when the person you fell in love with no longer seems like a match for you. However, bad marital advice can have disastrous results so be discerning when taking advice.

One of the problems with marriage advice books is that often times only one person is really reading and grasping the concepts of the marital advice. The second problem is that many books on marriage are either outdated or too complicated to put into practice.

The best marriage books are the ones that help you get better at marriage and teach you ways to create an atmosphere that encourages change. Very rarely does a marriage start out bad so somewhere along the way couples lose focus and the relationship becomes strained and difficult for both individuals. The right marriage book will get you back into focus and on the path to restoration.

A good book on marriage problems should help you understand the things that you can change as well as the things that you should not waste as much time and energy trying to change.

Unfortunately too many individuals expend a lot of time and energy trying to fix a marriage problem that can’t be resolved. You will know when you are following good marriage advice because you will start to see positive results in your life. Notice that I didn’t say marriage.

You see, if you are following good marriage advice, you should feel better about yourself and the possibility of improving your marriage. Once you know that you are focusing on the right things and taking the right approach to make changes in your marriage, you will have renewed hope. With hope your marriage has a good chance of improving.

What I have found helpful for both spouses is practical marriage advice, supported by stories and pictures. Sometimes the information is better understood when presented in an illustrative manner. For a lot of couples it helps to be able to say, “We or I can relate to that” or “This could have been written about us”.

However, for marriage advice to truly be accepted, it must be balanced. If one of the spouses feels as though the finger is only pointing in one direction, the marriage guidance will be rejected.

So are marriage advice books good or bad for your marriage? I hate to say it but it depends on which ones you read. The key is making sure that the advice is up-to-date, objective and practical for both you and your spouse to understand. There are some very helpful marriage resources available to help you improve or save your marriage. The worst thing that you could do is let your marriage continue to deteriorate and do nothing about it.

Please read through some of the other marriage advice articles posted on the site and use some of the practical tips offered to help you improve your marriage. We wish you nothing but the best and a loving, trusting and blissful relationship.

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