Why It Is Never Too Late To Save Your Marriage From Divorce

Can you save your marriage from the pain and anguish associated with divorce? Just because your parents or someone close to you has divorced it doesn’t mean you will too one day. I know divorce seems like the norm these days but it isn’t. Divorce should not and must not be accepted as just part of life. Of course it’s happening all around us and that’s why it sometimes seems inevitable. However, if you want to be abnormal and save your marriage, that’s an option for you as well.

I know couples who have reconciled their marriages just days away from signing the final divorce papers. There are countless spouses who had their bags pack and one foot out the door before giving their marriage one last chance and finding success.

All it takes is a good day to get your marriage moving in the right direction. Don’t assume that it’s too late for your marriage.

What better day than today is there to begin restoring your marriage? Your goal is pretty simple. Make the next 2 hours better than the last 2. Then make tomorrow better than today. How do you accomplish this? Just say one less negative thing about your spouse or marriage. How about have one less argument than you had 2 hours ago or yesterday. All you need to do is have a better experience than you had in the recent past. Positive behavior is contagious. Set your mind on the end game of restoring your marriage and you will be surprised at how your actions will line up with your mind. It’s hard to get a divorce when your marriage is heading in the right direction.

You can save your marriage from divorce. Just begin making it better a little at a time. Before you know it you will have turned your marriage into a successful one again.

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Infidelity -The Sad Truth About Cheating

Infidelity can be a life changing event or a life saving event. Actually, on second thought it can be both life changing and life saving. I know that sounds crazy but it’s true. Infidelity changes your relationship forever. Your ability to trust and love again is altered. For some it’s a temporary change but for most it’s permanent. It doesn’t mean that you can’t love again or trust again. It will just be done through a different perspective.

The sad truth about infidelity is;

  1. It doesn’t have to end a marriage but very often it does
  2. There are ways to avoid cheating if you really want to
  3. The true reason cheating is done is often never really known

infidelityInfidelity is the cause of divorce in many marriages and relationships. There is so much pain and anger in the middle of the cheating that it results in an immediate separation and divorce. Very often there is no time allowed for reconciliation and healing. The bitterness and lack of trust leads to divorce. In some cases there is a desire to work things out but in reality the marriage ended once the cheating was discovered.

Cheating on your partner is a decision that can be avoided. It’s the result of bad choices that I guarantee you are known at the time. No one just stumbles into a one night stand or an ongoing affair. For example, a person who flirts with a co-worker understands what could happen as a result of the flirting. Only children under 10 are innocent when it comes to flirting. Once you are old enough to understand relationships, flirting is done with an end game in mind.

Any excuses such as it just happened or I don’t know how I fell for my cheating partner is a lie. I don’t care if there was alcohol involved or a vulnerable emotional event that occurred, it still took a decision to cheat, all-be-it a bad decision.

As I mentioned above there is so much anger and pain instilled as a result of cheating. That makes it very hard to get the true reason behind the cheating. The truth is covered up with multiple lies and unfortunately very often is the reason why the marriage ultimately ends in divorce. For many cheaters it’s all about reducing the confrontational discussions that need to be had to move the marriage forward. As a result, half truths are told and only the minimum amount of information is disclosed. If the offended spouse doesn’t feel like he or she is getting the truth, trust can never be restored. Without trust, the marriage cannot be healthy again.

The truth is that infidelity happens way more than it should and only happens as a result of decision the cheater makes. The decision that’s made is to put selfish desires ahead of their spouse and family. It just doesn’t need to happen and can always be avoided.

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Infidelity-3 Ways To Fix Your Crushed Heart

I know you think you will never get through the pain of infidelity. It’s hard to read a headline about cheating without being reminded of the pain you are living with. People say they feel your pain but how could they? Your thoughts are uncontrolled at this point and some days you don’t know what to do.

I don’t know you but I know of you. You are not as alone as you think. There are millions of us who know your thoughts and your pain. Can I tell you that although you feel as though your world is crashing you can survive the crash due to infidelity?

Have you ever passed by or seen on the news one of those car accidents where a car has been split in half or perhaps wrapped around a pole? Your heart breaks and your mind thinks, “there is no way anyone survived”. Yet folks sometimes walk away with scratches in those types of accidents.

So although infidelity isn’t a car accident it can turn your life into a wreck. The question is “what are you willing to do to put your life back together”?

Here are 3 things you can do to fix your crushed heart after an affair;

  1. Love Yourself
  2. Serve Others
  3. Move Forward

Loving Yourself

One of the keys to surviving infidelity is to focus on yourself and not your cheating partner. If you can take your eyes off your partner and worry about you for a short while it will help you keep your self respect and sanity during this period.

You must love you and take care of yourself before you can forgive and love your partner the right way again.

Your security and happiness cannot rest only with and in your partner. It’s critical that you get to the place in your recovery where you know without a shadow of a doubt that you can make it through this situation. Not that you and your cheating partner will reconcile your relationship but rather that regardless of the outcome you will love yourself. You should not feel unwanted or rejected but you should know that you are valuable and have a lot to offer this world.

Serving Others

There is very little in life that can bring you joy and peace that serving others can bring.  If you take time out of your busy schedule and share your time, talents and treasures with others you would be amazed how helpful this can be. All of a sudden your bitterness gets replaced with thankfulness. Helping others brings a great sense of fulfillment and eases your emotional pain.

Move Forward

Moving forward is one of the more difficult goals to achieve when dealing with a crushed heart. However, it’s a necessity. You have to look to the future and figure out how to get there.

My hope is that you move forward with your cheating partner. But if he/she is not smart enough to realize how valuable you are then you must move forward alone.

Living off your good memories of the past is not enough. Just like staying stuck in middle and holding onto anger, bitterness and resentment is not helpful. It’s also unhealthy to do so.

You must move forward and begin to live joyfully and no longer be captive to the pain and suffering associated with the affair.

Loving yourself, serving others and moving forward will help you put back together your life and your broken heart. As I mentioned above, you are not alone. There are millions of people rooting for your relationship to succeed.

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Marriage Help When You Are Ready To Give Up

How does one go from madly in-love to barely hanging on or having one foot out the door? It’s very easy to fall in love and 6 months later wonder why did I get married?

What happens to late night unending conversations about nothing that makes you feel loved?

Would you like to know one of the most important words that cause marital bliss or marital hell? The word is “Expectations”.

Through my 33 years of marriage and research, I have found that expectation is the center of all joy and also all strive.

Have you ever been stressed out because your spouse has not met your expectations? Maybe once or twice for some!

You see, when you are dating, your expectations are very low so the relationship is loving and kind and sweet. It’s like when you get your first job you are just happy to be working and getting a check.

Well, after a few years of gaining knowledge and enhancing skills and expertise, you expect more from your bosses. You begin to expect more money as your experience and abilities increase.

The same thing happens in a relationship. As time passes, you expect different things from your spouse. When you don’t get what you expect, you become frustrated, disappointed and a challenging partner.

So should you change your expectations to help your marriage? That’s a debatable question.

Some marriage counselors will tell you to learn how to lower your expectations and that will lead to more happiness and peace in your relationship. Others will tell you that by lowering your expectations you are settling for mediocrity. This could lead to bitterness and resentment. I think you should adjust your expectations, only if you can live with doing so.

For example, if your spouse doesn’t splurge on nice Valentines Day gifts for you anymore, that’s one issue you should be able to lower your expectations on. Gifts are nice but not a necessity. It doesn’t mean that your spouse loves you less. There could be numerous reasons why. It could be that your spouse believes that love is expressed in a variety of ways, not just through gifts.

Marriage Help When You Are Ready To Give Up

Marriage help is easy to find but hard to follow. Everyone has a suggestion on how to improve your marriage. Some will say getting a divorce improves your marriage. Of course, that’s a joke. Or is it?

If you are ready to give up on your marriage I encourage you to put the brakes on throwing in the towel.

Today might be the start of a change in your marriage. I have a vision and in it I see you holding hands with your spouse and laughing as you walk.

Can’t you see what I see? I see you encouraging each other and putting the needs of each other ahead of your own.

I hear you talking about how much better your marriage has gotten and how you look forward to spending the rest of your lives together.

Why not begin to focus on restoring your marriage instead of giving up? Find a way to take some baby steps to improve your marriage. How about this week you;

  • Hold hands
  • Sit next to each other instead of across from other and hold hands
  • Try an old fashion kiss – not the kind you get from your Grandmother
  • Buy something inexpensive but from the heart for your spouse

I hope you get the point that instead of ending your marriage I recommend that you start taking action to fix it. You and your spouse are able to get past this down period in your marriage.

Dream as I do for your marriage to get better and better each and every day. Dreams do come true. You can do it!

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The Truth About Telling The Truth To Your Spouse

Your relationship is built on lies and it’s also held together by lies. Let’s be honest with each other since we are complete strangers. You have lied to your spouse many times and your spouse has done so as well.

I can list 10 things off the top of my head that you or your spouse has lied about. These are general but I’m sure they apply to your relationship. Here they are;

  1. You are happy to see each other (sometimes you really aren’t that thrilled)
  2. You would marry each other again if you had to do it all over (sure you would)
  3. There is no one else you could imagine being married to (no comment)
  4. Your spouse looks better now than when you first met (look in the mirror)
  5. The meal that was tasteless was described as fine cuisine
  6. The response to the question “how do I look” is answered with a smile and a lie
  7. I have to work late is the excuse for stopping off after work
  8. I have a headache or I don’t feel well is the excuse for not wanting to be intimate
  9. I just got your text message is the reason given for ignoring message sent hours before
  10. I love you is sent in a text as the closing line when “you get on my nerve” is what is really felt

So, the truth is that lies are apart of every marriage. You can pretend that your marriage is void of lies but I would be willing to bet against that lie.

There are also times when a lie is not what is said but what is left out. Some people refer to this as half truths. If you ask me there really isn’t a big difference. If your spouse went out to lunch with a co-worker of the opposite sex and said a bunch of folks were at the lunch that could be true. However, if he was at a table for two and the rest of the folks at the restaurant were strangers, was he really there with a bunch of folks?

You spouse could have had an innocent business lunch. But to feel less guilty and to avoid answering your questions, a half truth works out better. You feel less anxiety and anger and your spouse feels grateful to have dodged a bullet.

Sometimes it’s better for both people if the truth is never revealed. As long as it’s in the past and has no impact on the future, leave it in the past.

A few years ago my wife asked me a very innocent question and it was this;

Have you ever had feelings for someone else since we have been married?

I gave an honest answer and said yes, it was many years ago and I had a crush on someone in the office I worked at. I never spoke to the person or acted on my feelings so I thought I was in the clear. Needless to say it didn’t go over well. My wife was shocked, confused and upset.

That was one of those moments where lying would have been better for her and for me as well.

We had and continue to have a healthy marriage so it, like many other things, was just bumps on the road of matrimony.

The truth about telling the truth is that you have to try to be forthcoming and transparent with each other. You also have to know when not telling the truth is the better option.

Don’t let lying be the norm in your relationship. Use it with extreme care and caution. If you are not careful it can permanently damage your relationship.

Make your marriage stronger and healthier by getting closer to each other and being more open and intimate. The closer you get to each other the less need you will have to lie to each other.

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Marriage Tips And Tidbits

Marriage tips are priceless for some and useless for others. It’s not that easy to ask for marriage advice or help. It’s hard to admit that you have marriage problems. The sad thing is that every marriage has problems. Some are big and some are small but trust me when I say no marriage is perfect.

So, what’s driving you crazy with your marriage? Is it the lack of respect you get from your spouse or is it the lack of intimacy?

Marriage tips only work if you implement them. Unfortunately, many couples gain the knowledge on what to do to fix their marriage but never make the changes. It’s unfortunate that because of fear or pride many marriages fail.

It’s very easy to improve your marriage if you want to. That’s right, I said it. It’s very easy to improve your marriage and here’s how;

• Think before you speak
• Interact with instead of acting out against each other
• Hug and kiss, just because
• Pay attention to each other when you are having a conversation
• Keep your issues private and only involve others only if you both agree

I could go on forever but I think you get the point. It doesn’t take some complicated makeover to save your marriage. All it takes is two committed individuals.

Without a doubt there is no marriage that can’t make it through difficult times. We were born with an innate ability to deal with life challenges. It’s up to us how we use our abilities.

Your marriage could tip in the right direction if you don’t give up. Let your heart and mind lead the way to improving your marriage.

I’m rooting for a better marriage for you!

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Why Surviving Infidelity Is Possible

surviving infidelitySurviving infidelity is not easy. Surviving infidelity is possible though despite how it feels when you are dealing with infidelity. I cannot begin to pretend I know how you feel and what pain, anger and resentment you are struggling with.

I do know that there are many couples who have overcome cheating and are living as one with forgiveness and trust in their relationship. It doesn’t take a miracle or supernatural event to heal a broken marriage. What it takes is perseverance, determination, commitment and purpose.

The main reason why I say that surviving an affair is possible is because it’s been done before.

You might be thinking that every relationship is different and it’s like comparing apples to oranges. I agree with you that every situation is somewhat unique. However, I assure you the pain is the same. The level of anger or resentment is pretty much consistent is most cheating situations.

So, I respect your feelings of being uniquely wounded in this situation. However, at the end of the day does it really matter? What really matters is how you are going to recover from infidelity.

Surviving infidelity is a choice. The choice is to move forward, backwards or stay in a depressed, angry state of mind for the rest of your life.

I hope you realize that it is better to move forward and not get stuck in the past or present. To survive infidelity you must make a decision to do so. Once you make the decision it’s important that you let your actions line up with your decision.

You need to take it one day at a time and make sure you are doing things to heal your broken heart and relationship.

There are steps that you can take to get to the place where you can forgive your cheating partner. Once you can forgive then you can move towards trusting again. With forgiveness and trust no longer roadblocks to your healing you are ready to not just survive infidelity but have a loving reconciled relationship.

Please believe that you can survive infidelity. Believing is everything because without it you will struggle and probably fail.

For more help in surviving infidelity, please see here: Surviving Infidelity

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Why Healing After Cheating Is So Incredibly Difficult

Healing after cheating is very difficult. If you have been cheated on you know it’s almost equivalent to death. Clearly you feel as though your relationship has just died. People tell you everything will be alright or that things happen for a reason. Its dumb sayings like those that make you realize that healing after cheating will be a lonely journey you embark on. It’s not that there isn’t any help available to help you get through it. However, there comes a point in time when you need guidance and perspective from someone who has seen infidelity up close and personal.

I would like to share with you 3 reasons why healing after cheating is so hard.

  1. Your mind, body and spirit have been crushed.
  2. It’s difficult to believe that it won’t happen again.
  3. Information overload results in paralysis.

Dealing with an affair means that you have been emotionally and mentally attacked and it’s generally a brutal attack. It doesn’t matter that it isn’t a physical attack. You end up feeling physically weakened as you usually get less sleep and end up not eating right.

When you are not eating and sleeping well and also dealing with negative thoughts and emotions it’s hard to begin healing. Adultery causes most folks to dwell in the now and the past so it’s hard to look forward to the future. Too many individuals try to heal all three things at once and end up falling short of true healing or in some relationships healing takes a lot longer to come about.

I believe you will have a better chance of healing after an affair, if you take it one step at a time. Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself to fix everything at once. The first step is making sure you are getting the proper nutrition and rest. It’s hard to think clearly when you are physically drained.

Another reason why healing from an affair is difficult is because your heart will have trouble trusting again. Every step your partner takes will be over analyzed. It will take a while for you to believe that the affair has really ended and that another one will not happen.

One of the keys to surviving an affair is for you to understanding how to deal with emotional setbacks and things you can do to move forward. There is no simple fix you can implement for dealing with infidelity. It’s like being on an island by your self or being in a never ending nightmare. You will have up and down days and nights. How you work through them will determine how well you recover from the affair.

The final reason why dealing with infidelity is so hard is because there is so much information and in some cases misinformation available. There are friends and family members ready, willing and able to offer you advice. There are also a lot of blogs and bloggers with opinions on the matter. How do you decide what’s right for you and your relationship?

My advice is that you limit who and where you get your advice from. Not everyone has your best interest at heart.

Please keep your heart and soul strong and fighting to get through this difficult time in your life and relationship. I’m confident that with the right steps you will come through this stronger and wiser.

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Why Do Young Husbands Cheat On Their New Brides?

cheating husbandCouples spend years planning their dream marriage and life and in a matter of months find a way to throw it all away. Why is it so easy for some men to decide that sleeping with another woman is worth giving up their family? Why do husbands cheat on their young beautiful brides?

It boggles my mind at times what risk some men will take for the thrill of sleeping with other women. Why in the world do they get married, buy a home and have kids only to cheat and destroy the lives of the very individuals they claim to love. There is no simple answer or easy solution to cheating men.

Perhaps one day their will be a strapped on belt that husbands have to wear that can only be opened at home by their spouse. Of course there would be a side hole and tube used for bathroom breaks. I know this sounds extreme but with so many men cheating and breaking up families, how else can wives keep their mindless husbands from sleeping with other women.

I know a 27 year old man who just had a baby with his wife in the spring. It’s was his second child with his first one being about 3 years old. He is now moved into an apartment and headed for divorce, due to infidelity. So he has chosen part time parenting and increased financial burdens for the sake of having the freedom to sleep with whoever he wants to.

There are so many more stories similar to this one. I know a manager in a logistics company who had two little precious children (a boy and a girl). Also, cheated and ended up divorced and splitting time with his wife parenting the kids. He then decided to get one of his workers pregnant and has since married her and now is the proud father of 2 boys and one girl.

So it’s clear that some husbands have a problem keeping their commitment to love and cherish their wives. I believe that the husbands never really loved or cherished their wives and this is why cheating occurs so early in the marriage.

In my humble opinion, it is impossible to love, cherish and honor your wife and family and also sleep with other women.

Why Do Young Husbands Cheat On Their New Brides?

cheating husbands

Result Of Cheating

The answer is because they never really loved them in the first place. I know I have insulted some cheating husbands but let’s be real. A husband who cheats on his new or recently married bride must have married for the wrong reason, such as;

  • Felt pressured into getting married
  • Wanted the physical rewards of being married but not the other aspects of being married
  • Never believed that being faithful was part of the deal

It’s very clear to me that a husband who claims to love his wife and children and cheats on them is either a liar or is in denial. You cannot love your wife and cheat on her. At the very least you love yourself more than you love your wife.

If you are experiencing difficult times in your marriage due to infidelity, please be patient and persistent in trying to save your marriage. Infidelity ruins too many marriages and you don’t have to be one of the broken marriages and families.

If you need help dealing with infidelity, please see here, Dealing With Infidelity

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Why Men Cheat

why men cheatAs sad and shameful as it is, why men cheat has been a question with no simple answer, since the beginning of time. You would think by now there would be a guidebook on how to prevent spouses from having an affair. Men cheat and it’s forgiven by society. When women cheat they are judged way more severe than men.

A range of reasons exist for infidelity to occur. Looking at some of the key circumstances surrounding the breaking of trust, men seeking outside relationships may not know the extent to why they do what they do. This does not excuse the behavior when a partner cheats. Bear in mind while looking at this topic, cheating carries many nuances defined by the structure of each relationship. The key centers around the hiding of the activities leading to a breaking of trust with a partner.

Why Men Cheat

Outside Factors

Events or stressors pressing into the man’s life might trigger a desire for outside companionship. When stated, these reasons carry the falsest notes. They often have deeper reasons underneath them. Men using them as excuses often possess far too little insight to be able to present the true reasons they cheated.

Work and Life Stress: When life becomes overwhelming, some men find the concept of investing in the one stable relationship alien. They turn to something new requiring less investment. Stress will likely destroy the new relationships as the man has not found healthy ways to cope with stress.

Boredom: By using boredom as an excuse for infidelity, the man indicates his lack of depth. A person willing to destroy as stable place because they want a taste of something interesting means they were likely not worth having a long term relationship with to begin with.

Confusion About Relationships

Men who cheat adopt an unrealistic and twisted view of what relationships and their roles within them mean. Everyone likes to believe their partner understands the way to move forward. Unfortunately, things can short circuit the relational development of someone. One of the biggest impediments leading to a misguided view of relationships and their ups and downs comes from the model a partner possesses. A man growing up in a house where either infidelity ran rampant or quiet desperation fueled by silence gave them the idea of acceptable behaviors leading them to cheating. Keep in mind, the person’s actions are their own regardless of the things they learned.

Why Men Cheat

Escape and Excitement

Some men seek something they are not finding in the environment of their current relationship. These things point to an overall immaturity. Let’s look at what and how they demonstrate a lack of growth.

Excitement: The idea of the new can be alluring. Starting something can carry promise of things being different or allow exploration in avenues feeling choked by the current relationship. After several years and broken relationship, a wise person will see the roller coaster of infidelity takes a toll on everyone, including the man who cheats.

Escape: A person incapable of being emotionally honest may use an affair as a path of release from the relationship. What would cause someone to hurt another when a difficult and honest conversation would suffice? An immature person will seek freedom by the easiest path, including having their partner break up with them.

Infidelity, much like fidelity, is a choice. There are millions of excuses in several facets including biological, psychological and relational. When evaluating these reasons, they all fall back on one thing. The one who cheated made a choice to do it. Finding a way out of the aftermath can be difficult. It is important to realize a hard truth often bears out. Life is better when couples are open, honest and trusting.

I don’t know what challenges you are facing in your relationship. I do know that if it’s infidelity it’s one of the most difficult thing, besides losing a loved one, you will face in life. There is hope though. If you want guidance on dealing with why men cheat, see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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